Wes:Oh, and love ya… and not in that way, dork.
I set my phone down and toss the pillow over my face, wishing I could just stay in bed for the rest of my life.
“Dennis!” Mom yells from downstairs.
“Ugh…” I groan to myself. “What?” I yell back.
“Do not yell from your room with a closed door!”
I throw the pillow off, climb out of bed, and open my door. “Yeah?”
“Are you seriously still sleeping? Go. Get ready. Everyone’s going to be here in an hour.”
“Do we reallyneed this brunch thing?”
“Yes, and besides, it’s too late to cancel. Are you feeling okay?”
I press my head against the doorjamb and sigh. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
I’m so far from fine.
“Go, then. Hurry and take your shower. People will be here soon.”
I close my door and hunt down some clothes to wear before I shower. The need not to go to this brunch is overwhelming, making it difficult to breathe at times. It’s hard to wear a mask like nothing is wrong. To plant a damn smile on my face and pretend life is dandy, and I haven’t just been betrayed by two very important people in my life. It’s like my energy has been completely zapped out of me, and something has happened to my damn joy. I’m not used to these negative feelings and intrusive thoughts.
“Fucking cope better, Den,” I bitch to myself out loud.
Is this what happens to people when they break up or get cheated on? How do people deal with those in power who sexualize or hit on them? I’m struggling to process it all. My mind is all over the place, and I can’t focus on a single thing that isn’t about what happened to me. When I try to focus on the here and now, my mind wanders off to the past again. It’s annoying as hell.
One thing is clear, though. I don’t want to date for alongtime. It’s going to take me a while to learn how to trust again. It’s also going to take me time to trust myself to see the signs I obviously missed.
Finally, I decide on a pair of dark wash jeans and a royal-blue button-up, and I lay them across my bed before heading to the shower.
I turn on the water, letting it warm up while I brush my teeth. I should probably shave, but I can’t look at myself in the mirror. A beard is coming in since I haven’t shaved since the night of the party, but I just can’t. If I look at myself, I’ll have to see the shame, and I don’t know how to deal with it.
Once the water is hot, I step into the shower and let it sluice over me. I rest my head on the tiles and soak up the heat. It feels soothing, like when I bask in the summer sunrise when the air is cool and the sky is still dark. Then comes the orange glow of the sun, shimmering over the water like a pile of gold. I sit next to Mike, which makes the moment even more perfect. That’s my moment of Zen, but even imagining it does nothing to boost my mood.
In glimpses, I feel like my old self, but then those constant memories of Geoff fucking another man hit me in full force. Then, flashes of my professor touching me join the queue…
All the shit comes crashing down around me again, and I tense up. I quickly wash my body and hair, then I dry off.
With a towel wrapped around me, I walk into my bedroom to find Wes sitting on my bed. I stop in my tracks, and I nearly panic, afraid that he’ll see right through me. It takes me a moment to adjust my mask and plaster a smile on my face.
“Hey,” I say, digging in the top drawer of my dresser to pull out some underwear. I slide them underneath my towel before tugging it off and dropping it onto the floor.
His shrewd blue eyes narrow at me. “You’ve been ignoring me.”
“Sorry, man. I’ve been busy as hell since I got back.”
“Bullshit.”
I huff at him as I pull on my jeans and zip them up. “You calling me a liar?” I snap too harshly, instantly regretting it.
His brows shoot to his hairline. “Dude, I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on with you.”
“Nothing’s going on with me.” Fuck, I hate lying, but I just can’t face this with him or… anyone. “Just been busy. Hey, there’s that popular action flick hitting the drive-in. I was going to drag Mike to it. Wanna go?”
His tense face and muscles relax, and he grins crookedly. “Is it the new one with Florence Pugh?”
