With a deep breath of courage, my stomach flutters a little. No, it’s fluttering in a violent riot. It’s now or never. Wes is right; I may not get another chance. With me gone for months after Monday, things will change between Mike and me.
I shove my trembling and clammy hands under my legs. “Mike?”
“Yep,” he replies, nursing a beer and staring out at the fire where several people are gathered, roasting marshmallows.
“C-can we talk?”
His smile is gentle and kind as he looks up. Long, light brown strands fall in his face, so he tucks them behind his ear. “We’re talking now.”
I puff out a breath, steamy from the cold. “Iknowthat. What I mean is… privately.”
My eyes quickly ping to my brother, then back to Mike. God, I donotwant my brother to hear what I plan to say. He’ll probably kill me. Maybe.
“Yeah, sure,” Mike says and stands.
I look back at Wes, who’s giving me two thumbs up.Ugh.
Mike reaches out a hand to me. When I grasp it, he hefts me up. Then, I follow him toward a rock outcropping some distance away fromprying eyes and ears, now feeling the cold without the fire. Still, a nervous sweat breaks out along my spine.
He leans against a large rock, folding his thick, muscular arms across his gorgeously broad chest…Shut up, Den. I stand close beside him.
He frowns at me. “Are you okay, Den? Something bothering you?”
I shove my hand into my pocket and pull out a Fireball, unwrapping it and popping it into my mouth. The cinnamon burns my tongue quickly.
“Yeah, a little… I mean, I’m going to be gone in a couple of days, and we’ve grown to be pretty good friends, right?”
“Yeah, we’re great friends.” He smiles at me, a silent question in his eyes.
Unable to stand still, I pace in the sand and run a hand through my hair. Fuck, this is harder than I thought, even with a buzz going on.You can do this, Den. “You see, I…likeyou. We’ve really gotten to know each other over the years. And you’re always there for me, like you’re for everyone. You’re kind, and you put up with my yapping, despite needing the quiet. Growing up, you never left me behind, even when Aaron didn’t want me there. I can talk about anything with you, and you never make fun of me or tease me about my interests. Hell, you’re the first person I came out to. And when I told you about what I want to major in, you really encouraged me to go for it. I also like how you quiet my mind… Well, it’s not quiet now. It’s actually quite chaotic at the moment…” I laugh self-deprecatingly as I continue to pace.
“Those are a lot of words, Den. What are you trying to say?”
“Huh?”
Mike grips my shoulders to stop my movements. “Den, I’m not following. Is this just nerves about going off to college?”
I growl at myself and shake my head, still a little dizzy from the drinking. “I just told you. I…likeyou.”
I love you, I want to say, but I don’t dare say those words. Or, hell, maybe I should. Why is this so fucking hard?
He smiles sweetly and chuckles. “I like you, too, squirt. How many beers have you had anyway?”
Crap, don’t call me ‘squirt.’ Not now.This isn’t going according to plan, not that I really had a plan. And I’m clearly not making any sense. It’s now or never. Carpe diem, Den. Carpe fucking diem. Then, with a deep breath, I admit my deepest secret to him. “Mike, I’ve been in love with you for ages.” My voice shakes, and I kind of feel like I’m going to throw up.
His eyes pop open, and his lips part as if about to say something, but before he can tell me no or to fuck off, I cradle his face and, ever so gently, I press my lips to his. My first kiss ever.
God, this is where I belong. It feels like the sum of the past six years is wrapped into one second—a blur of images, memories, and moments with Mike come together into one perfect moment where my world rights itself. His soft and warm lips are everything.
Mike stills, but instead of kissing me back, he eases me off him and looks at me strangely. I can’t decipher his expression, but he’s definitely not feeling what I am, that much is clear.
“Shit… shit…” I mutter.
“Den, I… I…” His gaze flickers across my face.
“I’m…”
“God… uhm…”
