Wes raps his knuckles on my head. “Knock, knock. You don’t either, dumbass. You’ve never had a boyfriend.”
I swat him away and pretend to be mad at him, but I’ll always be grateful that when I came out to him, he was cool with it. I didn’t exactlyadvertise my sexuality while in high school because it rarely went over well in athletics.
“Well, it’s not like I’ve got a lot to choose from. In fact, I’m the only gay guy I know around here.”
“Come on, Den. Just do it. If you don’t, you’re going to regret it. You’re going to leave for college and be gone all semester, and wonder ‘What if?’ You have to grab what you want in life. And you’re exactly the type to do that,exceptwhen it comes to Mike. You know what you want, what you like, and you reach for it. But for some reason, you hold back on being open with him.”
I turn to stare out at the water, the sun now higher in the sky, clearing out the dreary morning, and warming up the mid-September day. Wes is right. I need to stop wimping out. Every time I’ve wanted to tell Mike—and I’ve had way too many opportunities—I’ve chickened out. Not only because I’m afraid he’ll say no, but I worry about how my brother will react. Aaron and I get along better now that we’re older and college has chilled him out, but still, Mike was his friend first.
No, I need to do this. I turn to face my friend. “Okay, let’s do this.”
He smiles brightly, exposing perfectly straight white teeth. “That’s what I’m talkin’ about!”
With a combination of fear and determination, we continue the last leg of our run.
The beach is nearly pitch black with no moon out, and it’s cold as hell, but at least by the large fire, it’s not so bad. I wear a thick wool fisherman’s sweater over a thermal, so it’s enough. Surrounding the fire are logs and blankets everyone is sitting on. There are about twenty of us from town,sharing drinks and stories of summer vacations, college plans, and the latest fling.
Aaron sits on a blanket with Amanda tucked between his spread legs. They met in college and have been dating for nearly a year. She finally came to Cannon Beach to meet my parents before they head back to the University of Oregon for their last year, and where I’ll start my first year.
Amanda is pretty, with long, light brown hair and tawny-brown eyes. She and Aaron seem solid, and if they’ve been together this long, it’s because she can keep up with my highly driven brother.
Mike sits next to Aaron instead of me, which is a little disappointing, but I remind myself that he was friends with my brother first. It still stings a little, especially since I’m leaving on Monday and I won’t see him until Thanksgiving. It’ll be the longest time I’ve been away from him.
Normally, I would be chatting his ear off, but I keep thinking about how much I’m going to miss him, and it’s bumming me out. I didn’t expect to feel this strongly about it, at least not tonight.
Wes nudges me with his elbow and hands me a flask we’ve been passing around for the past twenty minutes. I take a quick sip as the burn goes straight to my gut before passing it on to Jerry, who was in my physics class this year. It’s my fifth sip, and I’m already starting to feel the warmth of the liquor. Those of us under twenty-one aren’t really allowed to drink, but no one cares tonight.
Wes hands me a beer and leans close to my ear. “Chug the beer back. Get another. Then go talk to him. Liquid courage and all that.”
“God, I already talk over my words half the time. Get me drunk, and I may not make any sense.”
He snorts a laugh and gently punches my shoulder. “You donot. You talk fast sometimes, but I understand you just fine. So doesMikey-pooover there.”
I quirk a brow at him. “‘Mikey-poo?’ You’re fucking impossible.”
I chug the beer back despite my bitching, and the flask comes around to my turn again. Does someone keep filling it up, or is this a different one? I shrug and take a bigger sip from it before handing it off again.
I stand and brush the sand off my ass. “All right. Here goes nothing.”
Wes pats my back before I head off to make a fool of myself. My gut twists tightly, making it hard to breathe. I tell myself that this is Mike, my best friend. There’s nothing to freak out about. Yeah, except I could lose my friendship with him. Ugh, that would be the worst, but I tell myself Mike wouldn’t do that to me, no matter what.
With another beer in hand, I stand next to Mike, who’s sitting on a blanket. He looks up at me and smiles brightly. He’s so reserved, but damn, it’s like he only smiles like that for me. At least I like to think that’s true. I could be seriously projecting. That’s more likely.
I sit next to him and stare at the popping fire. The traveling embers look like fireflies we never get here on the coast.
“I’m going to miss our talks and hanging out,” I say. Good. That’s safe. No word vomit came spilling out of my mouth.
“Me too, but you’re gonna have fun in college.” His features soften as the light from the fire flickers in his blue eyes and reflects against his hair, making it look more golden than usual. “I’m so proud of you, Den.”
“Hey, you never toldmeyou were proud,” Aaron huffs drunkenly. Mike rolls his eyes and waves him off before turning his attention back to me. “Being an environmental educator is going to be amazing. You’re gonna love it, I’m sure.” He hesitates for a moment, his voice lower when he speaks. “You’re gonna be fucking great at it, Den. I just know it.”
I swallow, trying not to just blurt out over six years of pent-up desire for him, especially not in front of Aaron.Get a grip, Den.
“Environmental science is going to be hard. But I thought maybe I could minor in social work. Wouldn’t it be really cool to teach kids about the world around them? You know, like struggling kids. Maybe those who don’t have homes. They could come to my program and enrich their lives, at least for a little bit. Maybe they can find a career path and…”
Mike touches my arm with a smile, silencing my rambling. Even through my sweater, my skin tingles with electricity.
I toss back my fresh beer, feeling a little woozy now, not used to drinking so much.
