Neither of us knows what to say as we stammer until Mike stands tall and straight, towering over me. “Den, I’m so sorry, but… I don’t feel the same way. You’re my best friend, but… we’re only friends.” His gaze drops to the ground, and a heavy sigh leaves his body. Then he looks at me with an expression I can’t read. Sadness, perhaps? “It can’t be anything more than that. I’m sorry.”
And with that, Mike walks away, leaving my heart shattered into a million pieces.
Chapter 5
Mike
Twoyearsearlier
My face no longer belongs to me, the second I see Dennis jogging toward me across the driveway. It’s like my mouth gets a life of its own and just widens into a broad smile. Fuck, I’ve missed him, but I didn’t realize by how much until he’s headed toward me. I’ve missed our hikes and his endless rants about things I never knew I needed to know about nature or just life in general.
When he’s halfway to where I’ve parked my truck, I throw the door open and jump out to greet him. He’s grown since I last saw him over Christmas, his white T-shirt stretching across his chest and wide shoulders. He’s not as big as me, but he’s filling out nicely. His physique is so different from mine; a lean runner’s body with a lot of definition in his arms and legs, whereas I’m more bulky, with muscles on top of muscles from working outdoors doing landscaping.
He smiles hesitantly when he stops in front of me, his brown eyes flickering between mine and the ground. Without thinking, I reachfor him and pull him into a hug, wrapping my arms around his strong shoulders, breathing him in. At first, he tenses, but when I squeeze him tighter against me, he relaxes against my chest. It dawns on me then that he’s not a kid anymore; he’s my equal, a man, firm muscles beneath my fingers.
“You’ve grown again,” I mumble into his hair, the longer strands on top of his head brushing against my nose.
“I guess. I’ll never be as tall as you, though.”
“You’re tall enough.” I reluctantly end the hug. With the sun warming my back and Dennis’ familiar scent, I could stand like this all day, just soaking in the moment with him.
Despite Dennis’ lips always wrapped around another thing he’s desperate to tell me, always gesturing and bouncing, he quiets me down. He stills the endless stream of thoughts in my head—all the doubts and concerns. Like the stroke of a magic brush, he wipes it all away.
“So…” He blinks at me, a pink blush coating his sun-kissed cheeks. “What are we doing today?”
“You’re askingme?” I throw back. “Last time I checked, you were the wildlife guide around here.”
“Well, itisperfectly clear today…” He trails off, feigning indifference. “I mean, we could drive down to Cape Lookout. I know it’s a longer drive, but we haven’t been there in a while. We could hike the Cape Trail if you’re up for it.” He winks at me. The little shit actually winks at me.
I tip my chin at him. “Why wouldn’t I be up for it?”
The Cape Trail is a five-mile round-trip hike, and nothing we haven’t done before. We often go there in the spring, since Cape Lookout is a great place for spotting gray whales as they migrate toward Alaska in March and April. Although it’s a longer drive, I don’t mind. As long as I’m with Dennis, I really don’t care how I spend my day off.
“Well…” He sticks out his tongue, sweeping it along his bottom lip before his mouth curls on one corner, his eyes gleaming. “You’re not getting any younger, Mike…”
“Hey! I’m only twenty-three. Old my ass,” I mumble. I punch him playfully, and he laughs at me, his entire face lighting up.
My birthday is in early December, and since Dennis went away to school, I’ve spent them without him. It’s just Mom and me who celebrate. No Dennis to scarf down half of my birthday cake before I can even finish one slice. He’s the first one to wish me a happy birthday, though, my phone pinging at the ass-crack of dawn every year with a message from him and a string of celebratory emojis. He doesn’t even have to get up that early, but he does it because he knows I do, and he wants to be the first to tell me those three words.Happy birthday, Mike.
“Then what’re you wearing the hat for?” He nods at my head, where I’ve thrown on a baseball hat to fight off the bright April sun. “You starting to go bald, old man?” he continues to tease me. Warmth piles up in my chest because I’ve missed this, missedus, with the easy banter and comfortable companionship.
It took us a while to get our friendship back to normal after that night at the bonfire where Dennis professed his longtime crush and then kissed me. It came right out of the blue and hit me like a freight train. The way his lips felt against mine is something I’ve yet to come to terms with. As strange as that first kiss felt, there was also a familiarity to it, like I’d always known what his lips would feel like against mine, even though kissing him never crossed my mind in a million years. He was always just Den.
I still feel bad about the way I just left him that night. He’d bravely put himself out there, and I just ran away like a fucking coward. Looking back, I think I was afraid of what would’ve happened if I’d kissed him back because something in me had wanted to. Some part of me had feltconnected to him on a deeper level, regardless of him being a guy, Aaron’s brother, and my best friend.
“Earth to Mike.” Dennis waves his hand in front of my face, a frown between his brows. “You’re not stroking out on me, are you?”
“Psh… Just get in the truck, Den.” I shake my head at him, the remnants of that night fading back into the past where they belong. There’s no reason to go there. No reason to dissect why every kiss before and since that night has felt bland and insignificant. Not that I make a habit of going around kissing people.
I tap my head. “You should wear one, too, you know. You’ll burn, city boy.” I open the door on the passenger side, gesturing for him to get in.
“I won’t get burned.” For a brief moment, his expression sobers, something dark moving through his eyes. Maybe it’s just my imagination because he’s all smiles again as he reaches out, flipping my cap around so it’s turned backwards. “Much better. Now you don’t look like a geezer.” He grins, poking his tongue out at me before he gets in the truck.
“Jeez,” I groan, moving around to the other side and getting in, slamming the door behind me. Right away, he starts fidgeting with the car radio until he finds our go-to station, and Lord Huron’sThe Night We Metdrifts from the speakers, filling the truck.
He puts his seatbelt on while he hums along to the singer’s melancholic voice, then leans back in his seat, resting his head against the headrest. His lips move to the lyrics that we both know by heart, while his gaze finds mine. We have the same taste in music, preferring mellow to loud. Since Dennis went away for college, we’ve had a shared playlist on Spotify that we add songs to whenever we want the other to listen to something. It’s a way of staying connected, I guess. The idea he might be listening to a song I chose while he studies makes me feel closer to him, even when he’s away.
He squints against the sun blasting through the windshield, the brown of his eyes becoming intense, almost a golden amber. He looks tired, but happy. I’m sure school is hard, considering he has classes, track, and a part-time job serving at a restaurant. I can’t wait to catch up. He just got home last night, and still, he called me early this morning, asking if I had plans. As if. This week, outside of work, I only have plans if they involve him. That’s it. Jon even gave me a four-day weekend off, because, as he said,‘even though you aren’t in school, kid, you could still use a mini-Spring Break.’
