I’m exhausted.
He’s been the source of my sadness for far too long.
I square my shoulders. “You’re right. Both of you. Honestly, I don’t know what I’d do without you. I was on the verge of losing it this morning—like, I’m talking a full-on meltdown. I acted like such an idiot,” I sigh. “I haven’t heard from James since, and I can’t say I blame him. I just … I hope I haven’t scared him off.” I drop my gaze. “I hate that I might have hurt him.”
Anna immediately jumps in. “Babe, we all have moments where we freak out. Don’t beat yourself up. If James really cares about you—and it sounds like he does—he’ll understand. You just both need to give each other some time to process everything.”
Gemma nods encouragingly. “Exactly. You had a vulnerable moment, and he needs to see that. If he’s worth it—and I really think he is—he’s not going to run just because things got a little messy. He’s not Lucas, remember? I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and trust me, you couldn’t have scared him away. You probably caught him off guard. Give it a little time, and I’m sure he’ll come around.”
Once my anxiety subsides and I’ve calmed down, Anna shoots me a smile. “So, you really like him, huh?”
“Yeah,” I say. “I really do.”
Her eyes twinkle as she grabs my and Gemma’s drinks, handing them to us. She clinks our glasses together with a grin before taking a big gulp. Then, she snatches Gemma’s phoneoff the couch, her fingers tapping rapidly on the screen until a familiar beat fills the room.
Gemma shoots to her feet, raising her glass high above her head, a wide smile spreading across her face. Anna stands up too, joining Gemma in the toast. Both of them look down at me, their expressions full of excitement and solidarity. I can’t help but return their smiles as I rise to join them.
“To April!” Anna says. “Our resident brother fucker. May you fuck that brother to your heart’s content.” She waves her glass around wildly, liquid spilling over the rim, and we all burst into laughter.
“To being a brother fucker,” I say, clinking my glass with theirs.
I can do this.
I deserve to be happy.
James deserves to be happy.
Now, I suppose it’s only a matter of time until Lucas finds out about us.
Chapter 30
April
We called it a night after the alcohol caught up with us. Anna was fast asleep on the sofa before I crawled into Gemma’s bed. The screech of the milk foamer echoes around the flat. I’m a foul mess without my morning caffeine fix. Anna are I are seated at Gemma’s small table pushed up against the kitchen wall as she makes us coffee.
“Here, love,” Gemma says, handing me a freshly brewed cup. I raise an eyebrow as I glance down at the foam art.
“It’s a penis,” she says.
“I can see that.”
She points. “See? That’s the semen.”
“Lovely.”
Her face lights up, clearly pleased with her artwork.
Gemma used to work as a barista at Café Nero when she was studying, and her foam art is always a wild card.
Anna lifts her cup to mine, shaking her head. “What the fuck, Gemma? She gets a penis, and I get a vagina that looks like a dropped sandwich?”
She’s not wrong—it really does look a bit tragic. I lean forward, peering into Gemma’s cup. “And what about you? What masterpiece have you got?” I ask.
Anna leans over to inspect it too. “A leaf,” Gemma replies.
Anna raises an eyebrow before muttering, “Of course you give yourself something pretty.”
After a few gulps of coffee, I head to the fridge and pull out eggs and bacon. Grabbing a loaf of sourdough, I slice three thick pieces and pop them in the toaster. I reach for two pans, drizzling each with a bit of oil before cracking the eggs and tossing in the bacon. The sizzling sound fills the kitchen, and the smell of crispy bacon hits us hard.
