“Were you right?”
Buck nodded. “It’s not like I called a meeting to make a huge announcement to everyone. But it seemed like the moment anything happened to you, everyone came to me for updates and to ask if I was okay—like you’re my other half and I feel your pain. They’ve all always known.”
Sterling didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to feel. Part of him had always thought people likely knew, but he had always lived in fear of anyone saying a word. He had never been sure how Buck would react. Here they were. Buck acted like they had never been apart.
Sterling tried like hell to find the right words. A different truth fell from his lips. “My head still isn’t very clear.” He likely shouldn’t have asked Buck to come here yet. Sterling couldn’t help the craving that always came from his heart. “But I missed you. A lot.”
Even though Sterling sounded dead, Buck obviously saw the sincerity in Sterling’s eyes. “Come on. Let’s sit down and order dinner. I just want to sit with you. That’s one of the things I’ve missed the most, talking and spending every minute hearing your voice. Life has been pretty fucking empty without you.”
“Okay.” While logically Sterling knew he had only agreed to sit and talk, it felt a hell of a lot like he agreed to way more. Buck still felt like his other half. He was pretty sure they simply belonged to each other. It was a bit terrifying, realizing nothing either of them did could change that.
Chapter Seven
Sterling,
Last night was another night of staring at the bedroom ceiling while you lived inside my head. Do you remember the first time you stayed at my house for the weekend? AJ had spent the weekend with his friend. You brought dinner. I made love to you for as long as I possibly could. I saw our entire future together unfold. As soon as we sat at that dinner table together, I knew I had to have that for the rest of my life. I should’ve given you everything right then. That was the first time I failed you.
When you left, I knew you were done with me. You didn’t deserve for me to treat you like a cheater. I knew I had finallybroken us, and anger was all I had. It was easier to be mad at you than me, but in my heart, I’d always known better. I failed us. You’ll never know how much I hate myself for being weak. You deserved the fucking world from me. I swear you’ll get it. You’ll get that life. If you ever take mercy on me and forgive me, I’ll never let you down again. You’ll have nothing but days of me touching you every chance I get while smothering you with words of love. Every night, you’ll be in my arms while I tell you how much I’m addicted to every molecule of you.
I know I’m not the greatest with words. You probably don’t even understand half of my ramblings, since that’s exactly what I’m doing. I should describe the ways you brighten my life, but that’s an endless list. I wouldn’t even know where to start. Once I start writing, all I can think about is the love that’s choking me and the black hole in the center of my chest. I need you like I need oxygen. I have to believe—one of these days—you’ll wake up next to me and that miracle will be forever. That hope keeps me alive. I’ll never let it go.
I love you with everything I have,
Buck
The love letters continued, confusing Sterling a little more every day. Despite the lines Buck wrote, it was like they were only friends when they were together. Sterling didn’t know how to feel. He steered his horse through the woods, trying to clear his head. He heard the creek in the distance. Birds chirped. Sterling tried focusing on the sounds of nature rather than life. Everything felt heavy. The burden never lessened. There was so much he needed to handle and so little energy or desire to bother.
For reasons completely unknown to him, Coach Dale had stepped down from his position and confessed. His confession likely meant barely a slap on the wrist, but it also meant Sterling would never set eyes on him again. Sterling could go back to his career. Since the season had already started and Sterling hadn’t returned, his agent and lawyers worked on the details. Meanwhile, Sterling decided if his mental health could withstand a season of nonstop gossip, intrusive interviews, and pitying looks. It would be so much easier to stay, hide, and try to reclaim some sort of life. Everything felt too hard.
Despite being back in therapy, Sterling had zero sense of normalcy. His therapist said his displaced feelings were likelycaused by never feeling like any place was home. She was probably right. Sterling simply didn’t know what it would take for him to feel settled.
The creek came into view. Sterling slipped from his horse and moved to the edge of the water. The sun glistened across the ripples, looking like a diamond when held up to the light.
Sterling found his usual rock and sat. His mind quieted and then drifted.
“I can see your ankles. Scandalous. We have to get married now if you want to protect your good name.”
The look Buck gave him was priceless. It took everything Sterling possessed not to laugh. When he had quietly followed Buck down to the creek, he hadn’t expected to find Buck with his shoes off, pant legs rolled up, and standing in the water.
“What are you doing out here?” Buck always sounded so growly with him. Sterling told himself Buck’s annoyance was his way of telling himself he wasn’t attracted to Sterling. But Sterling saw the looks Buck sneaked, and he knew lust when he saw it.
“I was looking for you.”
“Why?” Ooh. The anger was getting bigger.
Sterling’s smile never dimmed. “Maybe I hoped to catch you naked. A little birthday treat. You know how it is.”
Buck’s face screwed up in confusion. “Why in the hell would I be naked in the woods?”
Sterling shrugged. “Maybe you need to cool down after flirting with me all day.”
Buck threw his hands up. He looked completely done with Sterling’s bullshit.
Sterling was having the time of his life.
Buck made his way to the edge, grumbling under his breath. He angrily put his boots back on before focusing on Sterling. Rage flashed in his eyes. “Look, kid. You’ve got to stop this. I need this job and having you constantly hanging around will get me fired one of these days.”
“I’m not a kid, and you won’t get fired over me. Also, no one needs to know. You’d have a great time.” Sterling felt the heat pouring from him. There was no way Buck couldn’t see how badly Sterling wanted him.
