Buck held his stare for a moment before turning away and taking a step toward the trail.
“Coward.”
Buck froze. He visibly tensed before angry eyes turned his way. “What?”
Sterling shrugged, being as dismissive as possible. “I said you’re a coward. You think I don’t know we both want this? Your constant denials have nothing to do with your job and everything to do with your lack of courage.”
The space between them disappeared. Nearly three hundred pounds of solid pissed-off cowboy went chest to chest with him. “One of these days, being a tease will get you hurt.”
There was something very real flashing in Buck’s eyes. For once, Sterling didn’t recognize the emotion. He felt the rejection, though. That was as familiar to him as breathing.
Sterling took a step back. “I guess I misread the situation. You don’t have to worry about me. As much as I like you, I get it. You don’t feel the same. I thought you enjoyed our banter, and we were friends. I’m…” Sterling didn’t know how to finish that. He was a burden. Sterling was invisible and pathetic. He was a pain in the ass no one wanted. All the above. He took another step back. “Sorry.” Even he heard the pain he couldn’t always hide.
Sterling turned to walk away.
Buck grabbed the back of Sterling’s shirt and easily spun him back around. He was in Buck’s sexy, muscular arms so fast, he didn’t see it coming. Buck’s mouth covered his, and Sterling stood still—like a frozen idiot. That barely lasted halfa second. Then he melted. Buck’s kiss was so much more than he expected. Sterling had expected Buck to kiss with unbridled lust and hunger. That was not what this was. This kiss made the backs of his eyes burn. His throat swelled. He felt cherished. That had never happened to him. Buck cradled the back of Sterling’s head, keeping Sterling from getting away without manhandling him.
When Buck pulled away, he didn’t release Sterling. “You drive me insane.”
“I’m sor—”
“Stop talking, Sterling.” Buck’s mouth was back, blowing Sterling’s mind with his kiss.
It hit Sterling. He wanted this for real. Sterling wasn’t flirting or teasing. Not really. He was just so goddamn happy anytime Buck was around, he was like a kid on a sugar high.Except it wasn’t sugar. It had always been something else. Something Sterling had never had before Buck. But God knew, Sterling had never felt the way he did about Buck with anyone else. All the way to his spirit, Sterling knew he never would.
Sterling’s horse, Lightning, trotted past Buck, returning to the barn saddled. Buck eyed the animal while his heart slowly crept into his throat. Buck stepped out and eyed the horizon. Lightning wasn’t sweaty like he’d been on a long ride. Buck’s gaze landed on a nearby trodden trail through the woods that led to a creek. The horses liked to go there to drink. Buck headed that way. His heart sped a little more with every step. Was Sterling hurt? Did he have another break? Fuck’s sake. Buck couldn’t handle this.
He saw Sterling sitting in his usual spot on a two-foot-high boulder. Sterling seemed to stare at nothing. It was obvious he was too lost in his head to hear Buck’s arrival. Buck made as much noise as possible before squeezing his shoulders and massaging. “Your horse came back riderless. I got worried.”
Sterling didn’t respond right away. He cleared his throat. “Sorry. I guess I forgot to tether him.”
Buck shuffled closer. Sterling’s neck called to him. “You don’t always have to apologize.” His lips skimmed Sterling’s nape.
Sterling took a shaky-sounding breath that went straight to Buck’s cock. He knew that sound. “I was sitting here, thinking about the time you finally got angry enough to kiss me. You can’t know how much I miss your lips on my skin.”
Oh, damn. He was in trouble. Buck had been desperately trying to take things slowly. Not only had Sterling been through a lot, but Buck had fucked him with all the anger in his heart the last time they had sex. He hadn’t known about anything Sterling had been through, and Sterling had at least pretended to like it. Sometimes, when it came to Sterling, he didn’t know what was real or what was an act he hid his pain behind. Sterling was scarily good at play-acting genuine emotion.
Buck took a chance. He kissed Sterling’s nape again. Without permission from his brain, Buck’s hand slid from Sterling’s shoulder to his throat. He gently held Sterling in place so Buck’s mouth could explore exactly where he wanted. His lips moved from Sterling’s nape to his earlobe. Fuck. He smelled amazing and tasted even better. Maybe this was a mistake. Possibly, Sterling wasn’t ready for this. Buck couldn’t stop. He wouldn’t until Sterling called it quits. Buck had ached for their love since the moment Sterling walked away. He hadn’t been whole without him. As long as Sterling would let Buck touch him, he would.
“Damn, Buck.” Sterling sounded breathless. “Don’t stop. I want the man in those letters. Not the one who acts nervous around me—like you don’t know you’ve always been everything to me.”
Buck absolutely hated the way those words affected him. They reminded him of all the things they still had to work out.Sterling wasn’t the only one who’d gotten hurt. Maybe Buck had deserved it, but that didn’t change the way Sterling had broken his heart.
“I didn’t know.” The whispered confession tore at his throat.
Sterling stood and then reclaimed his seat, facing Buck. He looked aroused, and that nearly broke Buck. Sterling set his hands on Buck’s hips and lured him into standing between Sterling’s knees.
Buck instantly regretted having brought up the past. All he wanted was to be with Sterling. He shouldn’t have risked their future on old hurts.
It was as if Sterling read his mind. “It’s okay. You’re right to be angry with me. Talk to me. I won’t break.”
His beautiful light green eyes cut right into Buck. Suddenly, he felt like letting everything go. But he knew Sterling wouldn’t let him blow things off. They wouldn’t be whole until they learned to communicate.
“I hurt you. You were right to leave me behind. You earned your career. I should’ve pushed you to go guilt free.”
“But?”
He wanted to say there wasn’t one, but they both knew that wasn’t true. “The first time I saw a clip of you on someone else’sarm, I was shattered. When you left, I guess I knew we were over. But there’s always been a part of me that still thought we were forever. I thought we could overcome anything. Genuinely, I knew you’d be my husband. Then everything was gone. You crushed me.”
