Sterling chuckled, but the sound of his laughter moved away from them.
Buck panicked a little over Sterling slipping away from him before he finished their conversation.
“Who knows? Maybe I will. Surely, I'm not too old for someone in this town to want me.”
A bright smile lit AJ’s face. He looked just like his mom. “That’s the spirit.” He took a step back. “See you in a few days. Love you.”
Buck smiled. “Have fun. I love you too.” He barely made it long enough for AJ to leave before he spun. His heart slowed from its terrified state when he saw Sterling had moved to his horse’s stall, babying his baby. He hadn’t left yet.
Buck moved to the stall door. “Well, you heard the boy. You have to stay now. We have two whole nights alone.”
Sterling didn’t smile the way Buck hoped. “Two whole nights,” Sterling quietly repeated without looking his way.
A pit opened in Buck’s stomach. The closer they got to Sterling actually leaving him for pro polo, the more this chasm between them grew. Buck closed his eyes and prayed for strength. This was Sterling’s dream coming true.
Unfortunately, Sterling found his words before Buck did. “You want me to give up my entire career for two nights of your guilt-ridden sex.”
It hadn’t been a question. Sterling had made up his mind about them.
Buck released an uncomfortable-sounding laugh. “Making love to you has never been guilt-ridden.”
They equally knew that was a lie. Buck had begged Sterling a million times to marry him while also showering him with love, but they knew the truth. Sterling might be the one leaving, but Buck hadn’t truly been there at all.
Sterling was twenty-six now. That didn’t seem so bad. Unfortunately, before they ended, they had thoroughly wrecked each other. There was no taking that back.
Chapter Three
Dimlightingandneonbeer signs made the honky-tonk roadside bar and grill seem more intimate than it should. Sterling had never realized that until he sat across from German. Tip’s foreman had fallen in love with a pretty damn famous basketball player. They had hired the security company German worked for and German was the guard working more often than not. Considering they lived in the middle of nowhere on Tip’s ranch, German didn’t have to do much. The first time Sterling met German, German had called him a boy. For whatever reason, they hit it off immediately. They were friends. Sterling desperately needed that now, even if he couldn’t confess why.
“When do you head back to Miami?”
Sterling chewed his bottom lip for a second. He couldn’t think of anything to say other than the truth. “I’m not sure if I’m going back.”
German blinked, keeping his face expressionless. “Isn’t this thing you do damn near impossible to achieve, considering how small the teams are? You’re obviously one of the best of the best to be where you are. You have a year left on your contract. Why wouldn’t you go back?”
Sterling searched his mind for a way to explain without giving away his secrets. “You’re right about how hard it is. Unfortunately, it’s also ruined my life.”
German’s light blue gaze sharpened. “How so?”
Sterling rubbed the back of his neck and looked around before meeting German’s stare again. “Do you mind if we talk about something else?”
German went from having his elbows on the table, leaning Sterling’s way, to sitting back to openly study him.
Sterling fought the urge to squirm. German had a very penetrating stare. Sterling couldn’t take it. “Tell me more about yourself. We always talk about me.”
German snorted. “I do that for a reason. If we can’t talk about your career, let’s talk about Buck.”
Sterling's throat swelled. His gaze bored into German. He tried to sound nonchalant. “What about Buck?” German shouldn’t know about Buck. No one should.
“What’s up with that guy? Did you accidentally kick his dog sometime, or what? I know you wouldn’t do that on purpose, but damn. He gives you some looks.”
That stung, and it seemed that was exactly what he needed. He wasn’t projecting or imagining things. Buck hated him. “We were a couple before I moved. He was embarrassed to be dating me and kept me a secret. All while swearing we would get married someday.” German didn’t look surprised or judgmental, so Sterling kept talking. “Right before I left, he begged me to marry him before leaving, but somehow, he still thought he could keep a whole husband hidden. So, I walked away and stayed gone. His cowardice broke me. I went from being an already fucked-up guy to self-destructive. I very publicly dated every celebrity I could.” Sterling held German’s stare. He needed German to see exactly how serious he was. Sterling needed to say all the things, and the dam was gone now. “I wanted him to hurt the way I hurt and know exactly what it felt like to have someone make him feel like he didn’t exist. It wasn’t right, but I’m not sure I’m a very good person, so.” Sterling shrugged.
To his surprise, German didn’t look like he thought any less of Sterling. “Why was he embarrassed to be with you? You’re amazing.”
A sad smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. Sterling couldn’t hold on to it. “I’m nearly the same age as his son. We even went to the same school together at one point and everything.”
“So?”
