Zasen
It started with rustling in the tent and soft voices. When the sounds intensified, Xav stood, saying he needed to walk Demon. I looked over at Rymar and lifted a brow, but he shook his head. I wasn't sure how easily sounds traveled through the canvas and wool walls of the tent, but the last thing I was going to do was interrupt them.
Soon enough, the subtle noises coming from the tent subsided, then stilled completely. When a log in the fire shifted, sending embers into the air, Rymar chuckled, breaking the silence.
"So, pretty sure that's what we think it was," I said.
"Donotlet her know it was anything but private," he warned.
I shook my head, assuring him I wouldn't. "No, and I don't think Xav will say anything either." But I jerked my chin at Rymar. "You good with it, though?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"Becausethat," I said, "was not you."
"Shit," he said around a chuckle. "Zasen, you're talking to the wrong man. I happen to have a high opinion of Kanik. In Ayla's shoes, I would've picked him too."
Okay, he had a point there. And yet, his easy acceptance gave me nothing to work with. More truthfully, nothing to push back against. Ayla had finally crossed that line. The one thing that scared her the most, she'd just overcome - and it hadn't been with me. I hadn'texpectedit to be me, though, so why did I have this feeling in my chest?
"You just got broody," Rymar pointed out when I was quiet too long.
Chuckling, I bent to throw a small twig into the fire. "More introspective than broody, I promise."
"And?" he asked. "I mean, if you're wallowing in your thoughts, might as well entertain me. We're going to be awake for a few more hours."
"She chose," I said. "I mean, she had to. It's not like she could spontaneously pick all of us to be her first time, but she actually made a decision. I think I'm proud of her."
"No," Rymar told me, "she didn't simply choose. Zasen, that woman took steps. She spread those experiences out, testing the waters. She checked, rechecked, and proved to herself this was okay. She grew, and she picked all of us to be there for it. Fuck, you were the first big attempt she made, and I think we both know Kanik didn't start things tonight."
"Yeah, good point," I relented. "But you want to know the surprising thing?"
"Hm?" he asked.
"I'm jealous." And I lifted a finger before he could take that wrong. "Do not even think it has to do with her virginity or anything like that. I'm jealous because she felt safer with him than me. No, I don't resent him for it. I'm fucking proud of him, actually. It's more that..."
"What?" he asked.
"He has a different relationship with her than I do," I finally admitted, pausing when a stick cracked nearby. "Xav?"
"Was just deciding if I should turn back around and walk a little more," Xav admitted.
"You're fine," I assured him. "Come warm up. We can talk about something else."
"You can talk about that if you want to," Xav said, easing himself down across from Rymar and myself. "I get the impression this is a big thing for the four of you, and if you want to keep it private, I don't think Demon will mind chasing some rabbits."
"I'm not that shy," Rymar said, looking over at me.
I shook my head. "You're fine, Xav. Besides, no reason Demon can't warm up too. Isn't that right, bud?"
The nearly coyote-colored dog wagged his tail at my tone, but lay down by his owner. Without thinking, Xav reached down to ruffle his fur, and for a moment, silence fell around the campfire again.
The weather had just crossed from nice to cool. The skies were still clear, offering an amazing view of the stars overhead - through the leaves. All around us, little things moved. Some were those leaves drifting down as they gave up for the year. Others were small animals on their nightly business, but in the tent behind me, there was nothing but silence.
"I think," Rymar said, breaking the silence, "Kanik has an easier relationship with her than we do. That's why you're jealous, Zasen."
"Yeah?" I asked.
But Xav made a little noise.
