To prove his point, he shifted his hips again. This time, I realized what he meant. As he filled me, I wanted to roll my hips,so I did. The next press of his body was less timid, as if we were exploring each other, and in a way we were.
He leaned back, holding himself up with a hand on the ground. I clung to his shoulders, using them to lift myself higher and ease myself back down. Each time I bobbed on him felt less strange and more natural, until I stopped thinking about it and just let myself feel.
Together, we moved. The blankets were long gone, leaving only the ones below us. The air was cool, but my body felt like it was burning from the inside. And when his hand moved down my belly so his thumb could torment that spot Zasen had kissed?
Nothing else mattered.
He pumped his body into mine. I rocked onto his hand. Over and over, we moved, our panting breaths getting louder and louder in the silence of the tent. I was chasing something. I didn't know how to catch it, but I was sure it was there. Leaning back, I closed my eyes and stopped caring about what came next, what I was supposed to do, or what this man expected of me.
All I cared about was that I was here, with him. So many times, they'd tried to explain that this wouldn't hurt, but the words had fallen flat. They didn't begin to explain the connection I felt with him inside me. The need that was growing in my chest, or the longing I had for this to never end. Not just the sex, but all of this.
And in the pit of my belly, a fire was growing. My skin felt electric. My mind wanted to spin and couldn't focus on anything but the way our bodies fit together. There was a rhythm to this, and I finally understood why those fantasy stories called it "lovemaking."
Because this was love. This unconditional trust, the need, the happiness that all came with it was so much more than "like." It was big and terrifying, but wild and exhilarating. It was a sparkin my heart, a tempest in my body, and a need that could never be defined. It was lust and passion, but never evil.
And it felt sofuckinggood.
His thumb pressed and circled. His hips thrust. His mouth savored, and it was all too much. I could feel that pleasure growing, taking over - and then exploding inside me.
I gasped. There was sound with it, but not quite a word. Kanik kept moving, kept kissing, and kept doing that thing with his hand until he simply couldn't anymore, and then I felt it. There was a throbbing inside my body. A warmth as well, but his arms moved around my back, clinging to me, and I pressed my face into his shoulder, gasping for the air I desperately needed.
"Hey?" he panted. "You okay?"
"I had another orgasm," I mumbled.
"Mhm," he agreed. "I felt that. I did too." Then he chuckled. "Sorry, but you'll feel that in a moment."
"The seed?" I asked.
"Yeah." He helped me lift free of his body, then guided me down beside him. After pulling the blankets over us both, he rolled to face me. "We call it cum. Don't ask me why, because I feel very stupid right now. I do know that your birth control means no children, so do not start to panic about it."
"But I'm not a virgin?" I asked.
"No, Ayla, you're not." And he glanced away. "You know, they say you always remember your first."
I palmed his cheek, making him look at me again. "I... Kanik, I sorta waited to make sure it was you. I..."
"What?" he begged.
"I didn't want it to hurt."
"Noneof us will hurt you," he insisted.
"I know," I promised. "But I wanted it to be you."
And he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly to his chest. "I know exactly how big that is, coming from you," hesaid before kissing the top of my head. "Ayla, I just want to be your man. First, next, last. None of that matters to me. That you want me here is all that's important."
"I do," I promised. "I..." And I looked up. "I just don't know how to say all the things I feel."
"I know." And he shifted, guiding me so my head could rest on his shoulder. "But you say more than you realize. Not with words, but that's okay. Sometimes, words are hard. They make things real when they feel too good to be true."
"But fantasies aren't lies," I mumbled. "They're real, Kanik. I know, because I'm living in one."
"Me too." And his arm around my back tightened, but my eyes were already drooping.
There was just one more thing I had to do. "Girls," I breathed, "guard."
Seventy-Three
