Ignoring him, I jerked my chin at Rymar. "So how do you feel about that? And give me more than 'fine.'"
"Fine," Rymar said, grinning to show he was being a shit. "No, I'm actually relieved. Look, we both know how freaked out she was about sex. This? It's a big thing for her."
"First time?" Xav asked. "And you can tell me to fuck right the hell off, but I'd like to remind you that you said it was okay for me to stay."
I waved him down. "Yes, it was her first time."
"But she came from the Moles," Rymar reminded him. "You know, where women have no power, are traded like objects, and are bred until they die in childbirth."
"My sister was raped," Xav said, looking down to his dog. "She was traveling, seeing the world, and on one of those ships, a man locked her in a room and tortured her." He gestured to himself. "Tailless woman, of course."
I grunted, realizing he meant she had no defenses of her own. "I'm sorry."
"No, not that," Xav said. "My point is I saw what it did to her. The trauma? That took her alongtime to get past. I can't say over, because I'm not sure she'll ever be over it. But she's figured out how to live with it now. She has a partner, a couple of kids, and is happy." He rocked his head. "And that happened to a woman who knew there were laws protecting her."
"The man got jailed, right?" Rymar asked.
"Stung," Xav said. "She managed to ask a family for help, and the three of them lost it. The fucker was stung through the heart and thrown overboard. Their daughter - who was about my sister's age - stayed with her, made sure she got home, and yeah. I mean, it worked out, right? But she was still a mess." Then he gestured to the tent. "Ayla didn't have that."
"She had a fork," Rymar said.
"What?" Xav asked. "That's not exactly an impressive weapon, Rymar."
"Which is my point," Rymar said. "Ayla had no options, no control, and no power, but she looked at a damned fork and made it work."
"And Kanik madethatwork," I said, tipping my head back toward the tent.
"So did you," Rymar said. "Look, as much as I hate to admit it, kissing her? I mean, that first one. I think it was the right thing."
"All I knew was, she shut down every time one of us was nice to her. She ran out and grabbed a gun, killed people she knew, and got fuckingshotwithout flinching, but a smile? Patting her arm? Giving her fucking flowers? Too much. Someone had to break the cycle."
"Yeah, but there's one more thing to consider," Xav said. "Look, it's different for the two of you. You have tails. You're always ready to defend yourselves, but those of us without?" He chuckled. "We're fucking helpless. I got Demon because of it. I wanted a way to keep the Moles from coming after my girlfriend, right? To feel like I wasn't useless." He gestured at the tent. "She has two dogs now. Fucking good ones, too."
Rymar murmured. "I'm not sure Pepper's a good one."
"Pepper's a livestock guardian," Xav pointed out. "That means a killer. She wasn't bred to bring back sticks or open doors. That dog will kill. She'll be good at killing. The Moles won't be able to stop her. Holly? She's useful for more, but she's one of Lansin's dogs." And he groaned. "Look, my point is, she has a weapon. She's no longer helpless. She has partners who make her feel safe. Again, she's no longer helpless - or feeling like she is. So what comes next?"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"What?" Rymar asked. "You think that because she had sex, she's going to fall in love and turn stupid or something?"
"Rather the opposite," Xav said.
And I suddenly realized what he was getting at. "Shit, Ry, we're idiots."
"Okay?" Rymar asked.
I gestured to Xav. "He's right. Ayla isn't going to spread her legs and fall in love. To her, sex was torture. It was the beginning of the end of things. That was her deepest, darkest fear. You don't just tackle that on a whim!" I glanced at Xav to make sure I was following him.
"You sorta went in a direction I wasn't," he said. "My thought was more, because she went there with him, she'll probably do the same with you two sooner than you think."
"Where were you going, Zasen?" Rymar asked.
I grabbed another stick from the ground beside me and started breaking it up, pitching the pieces into the flames. "What is worth taking that sort of a risk for, Ry?"
"I dunno..." he said, clearly wanting me to keep going.
"Ayla isn't going to fall in love with Kanik - and not us - because she slept with him. Sheslept with himbecause she trusts him already, because she cares for him, and because she's attracted to him. Now, if you combine those things..."
