I manage a small smile as his thumbs rub circles on the backs of my hands. The repetitive motion is soothing, giving me something to focus on besides the overwhelming stimuli of the shopping center. He looks over at Dustin as his voice takes on a note of command. "Sit down."
Dustin makes a protesting sound, clearly wanting to continue the shopping expedition. Kade throws him a small growl, low enough that only we can hear it but unmistakable in its authority. The dynamic between them is clear in that moment. Dustin is an Alpha in his own right but he submits to Kade without question. It's not weakness. It's trust.
I laugh a little despite myself. The sound surprises me, bubbling up before I can stop it. It's such a normal interaction between them, playful and loving even with the dominance dynamic clear. It reminds me that they're real people with a real relationship, not just the rescuers from my fantasies.
Kade's expression softens at the laugh as he turns his full attention back to me. "I need to know your limits, sunshine. What's too much? What makes you uncomfortable? I can't help you if I don't know what you need."
"I don't like being alone." The admission comes out easier than I expected, remembering how it felt to be in that room.
His smile brightens. “That’s good, Solana. Anything else?”
His praise gives me a bit of confidence to continue, my Omega singing at the thought that we’ve pleased our Alpha. It’s a foreign feeling but it’s one I want to keep experiencing. "Even in the room at your house. I couldn't stand being in there by myself. The door was closed and it was quiet and I couldn't smell either of you and it felt wrong. It reminded me too much of isolation."
"Okay, we can work with that." Kade nods, clearly filing the information away for future reference. "What else?"
"I don't like too many choices." I glance at the racks of dresses surrounding us, the endless options that should feel liberating but instead feel suffocating. "We didn't have choices at Harmony House. Someone picked out our clothes and told us what to wear each day. Someone decided when we ate and what we ate and where we went. It was easier there. I hate that it was easier but it was. I didn't have to think about any of it or worry about making the wrong decision."
Dustin leans forward from where he's now sitting on the bench beside us, his elbows on his knees. "So it's not that you didn't like the dresses I was showing you?"
"I liked them." I force the words out, desperate for him to understand. "I liked all of them. Every single one was beautiful. But there were so many and I didn't know which one was right and they’re so expensive and what if I chose wrong and you got angry or disappointed or decided I wasn't worth the trouble?"
"I was going to get all of them." Dustin says it so simply, as if it's the most obvious solution in the world. As if buying me a dozen expensive dresses is as casual as picking up groceries.
I tense immediately and Kade squeezes my hands a little bit, pulling my attention back to him. His dark eyes hold mine, full of understanding.
"We'll let Dustin handle the clothes but within reason." Kade shoots Dustin a look that clearly says to dial it back, to not overwhelm me with excess. "Now, what's wrong with the nesting store?"
I try to pull back and Kade lets me, his hands releasing mine immediately. I wrap my arms around myself, the familiar protective gesture making me feel slightly more secure. "I don't know what to do in there." My voice comes out barely above a whisper.
"Can you explain that to me?" Kade's voice stays gentle, coaxing an answer from me without pushing. The desire to please him overrides anything else, including my discomfort. It seems if I answer him, he’ll smile again and tell me that I did well.
As strange as it is to need that, I do.
My eyes start watering and I blink rapidly, trying to keep the tears from falling. "We aren't allowed to have nests at Harmony House. They said it feeds into our baser instincts. That proper Omegas don't need nests because they have structure and routine and the security of the program. That wanting to nest is a sign of being uncivilized and unable to function in polite society."
Kade frowns, his expression darkening with anger that I know isn't directed at me. "You're allowed to be an Omega, Solana. Nesting is natural, not shameful. It's part of who you are."
"I think you'll need to keep telling me that." The tears spill over despite my best efforts, hot trails running down my cheeks. "I know what you're saying is true. Logically, I understand it. But they spent years teaching me the opposite. Nearly a decade. Years of conditioning and punishment and being told that my instincts were wrong. It's going to take time to undo all of that."
"Absolutely." Kade reaches out and wipes a tear from my cheek, the gesture achingly tender. "I'll tell you every day if that's what it takes. However long you need." He waits a beat, letting me collect myself before speaking again. "Now, which of the dresses did you like the most that Dustin showed you?"
I think back through the options, trying to remember specifics through the blur of anxiety. "The wrap ones. I don't like things too tight. They make me feel trapped and restricted. And if they wrap, I won't have to try them on here. I don't want to go into a changing room alone. The thought of being in another small enclosed space makes me want to crawl out of my skin."
"Deal." Kade stands and helps me to my feet. "Let's let Dustin have a little fun picking out wrap dresses in different colors so you and I can grab a few pillows, okay?"
"As long as you promise not to buy the whole store." I try to make it sound light, but there's real concern underneath the words. I don't know how to handle excess or extravagance. I don't know what to do with generosity that seems to have no limits.
Kade frowns slightly, his head tilting. "Do you want the whole store?"
I turn up my nose at the suggestion as Dustin laughs from behind us. "You think I'm bad? Kade will buy the entire nesting store for you without even blinking. He'd probably buy the building too if you asked nicely. Hell, he'd buy the whole shopping center if he thought it would make you happy."
"You have that much money?" The question slips out before I can stop it, my filter completely gone in my overwhelmed state.
Dustin chuckles, nodding enthusiastically. "Whatever number you're thinking, triple it. Then triple it again. Our business ventures are extensive and very profitable."
I stare across the way at the nesting store, taking in the elaborate window display and the expensive-looking merchandise inside. The pillows alone probably cost more than everything I owned at Harmony House combined. Then I look back at Kade and Dustin, these two Alphas who seem determined to give me everything I could possibly want without asking for anything in return.
And it’s only been aday.
