The clothing store we enter first is less overwhelming and a bit quieter than the large hallways in between stores. However, the options make my head hurt. Racks of clothes stretch in every direction, organized by color and style. Pop music plays overhead, while other shoppers browse casually, picking things up and putting them back without any of the anxiety that's currently crushing my chest.
I start chewing on my bottom lip as I glance around and then at Dustin, confused on how he’s so calm in a place like this. But his focus is on something entirely different as he runs his fingers through one of the dress racks while I’m just a few feet away, my hand wrapped around Kade's arm like it's the only thing keeping me anchored.
Dustin pulls a dress from the rack, something deep blue with a kind of shimmer woven into the fabric. He holds it up against himself, grinning at me. "What do you think? This color would be perfect on you."
I reach for the tag before I can stop myself.Sixty-five dollars. My stomach drops. "No."
"No?" Dustin's smile falters, though obviously confused by my reaction. It is a gorgeous dress but for that price... He puts it back and pulls out another one. "Okay, what about this? It's got this gorgeous flow to it, and the fabric is so soft. Feel it."
I don't need to feel it. I can see the price from here. Eighty dollars. "No, thank you."
Kade's arm tenses under my grip. I glance up at him but his expression gives nothing away. He's just watching me, those dark eyes missing nothing.
Dustin grabs a third dress. This one is emerald green with little gold threads woven around the waist and through the bottom half. "Come on, sunshine. The green would look gorgeous with your eyes.”
I already know what I’m going to say even before I get a good look at it. The tag reads one hundred and twelve dollars. "No." I clear my throat and correct my answer when Kade stiffens beside me. “Sorry, no thank you.”
"Solana." Dustin's voice shifts, softening until the mild panic from this entire outing ebbs away. He sets the dress aside and moves closer. "Talk to me. What's wrong? Is it the wrong colors?” He whips around to the other side of the aisle, flipping through several hangers.
He thinks it's because I don't like it. I can see the confusion on his face as he tries to figure out a different angle, cycling through other styles and colors to find what appeals to me. He holds up a burgundy wrap dress with flutter sleeves, then a navy blue sundress with delicate embroidery, and then a forest green maxi dress with a flowing skirt. Each one is more tempting than the last.
And the truth is I love every single one. The colors are vibrant and gorgeous and each dress is more flowy than the next. They're exactly the kind of clothes I would have chosen for myself if I had the freedom to choose anything, if money wasn't an object, if I felt like I deserved beautiful things.
But I’m more than happy with the faded jeans and sweatshirt I picked out that came to a total of $15. I have to be. Anything else is too much.
I thought maybe that would be enough, that we could leave with those basic items and I wouldn't have to navigate this overwhelming decision-making process anymore.
But Dustin was adamant about getting me a proper wardrobe. He said I deserved more than the basics, that he wanted to see me in colors that made me happy, and that Kade had given him carte blanche to outfit me however I wanted.
I just... can’t say yes to any of those.
I start to curl into myself, my shoulders hunching forward as I try to make myself smaller. My arms wrap around my middle in a protective gesture I learned years ago. If I'm small enough, maybe people will stop staring. Maybe I'll stop feeling so exposed and vulnerable.
Dustin tilts his head to the side, studying me for a long moment before understanding dawns in his expression. He steps toward me, still leaving a few inches between us, his gaze darting to where my fingers are dug into Kade’s arm and then back to my face. “Talk to me, sweetheart. What is it? What's wrong?"
"It's too many choices." The words come out barely above a whisper, my throat tight with anxiety.
Dustin's expression softens instantly. "Fuck, sorry. I should have thought about that.” He playfully hits the side of his head, a small smile spreading across his face. “How about I pick something and you try it on so I can find your size, and then I'll choose everything else? Would that help? You wouldn't have to make any decisions. I could just handle all of it and you could tell me if something feels wrong."
"It's all so expensive." I can't stop looking at the price tags, each number making my stomach twist with anxiety and guilt. How can I justify them spending this much money on me? What if I'm not worth it? What if they realize they made a mistake and want to return everything? What if in a month, Harmony House comes to take me back? I won’t be able to take any of this with me. The luxury feels excessive.
"We make enough." Dustin grins, his dimples making an appearance. "Or rather, Kade brings in the money and I get to spend it. That's our arrangement and I take my job very seriously." He points across the way through the store window. "After this, we're going over there."
I twist around to see what he's pointing at and my heart drops into my stomach. A nesting store. The sign reads "Comfort & Cove" in elegant script above a window display that makes my chest ache with longing.
Soft pillows in every color imaginable are arranged in cozy configurations. Plush blankets draped artfully over what looks like the most comfortable nest I've ever seen. Stuffed animals and comfort items are scattered throughout. It looks like heaven. It looks like everything Harmony House told me I didn't deserve.
I shake my head immediately, panic rising in my chest all over again.
"You don't want pillows?" Dustin sounds genuinely confused as he tries to understand my reaction. He drags a hand through his hair, stepping a little closer, his lips pursed as if he’s about to launch into another explanation about money or what I’m allowed to want or whatever else.
Kade pushes him back a little, his hand firm on Dustin's shoulder, creating space between Dustin's enthusiasm and my rising panic. Dustin retreats without argument and I let out a small breath of relief, the pressure easing in my chest slightly.
Kade takes a seat on a nearby bench positioned between clothing racks and slowly pulls me into his space. His hands wrap around mine, the contact pulling me back from the edge of the panic attack I could feel building, the one that was making my vision narrow and my breathing shallow.
I focus on his touch and the warmth of his palms against mine, the gentle pressure of his fingers interlaced with my own. His scent wraps around me, that cedarwood and leather combination that makes my Omega instincts settle and I let out a breath, the purr of contentment Kade gives me everything I never knew I needed.
"I want to make sure you have everything you need but I think we might be moving too fast." Kade's voice is calm and measured, but there’s no judgment in it.
