Instead, I walk to Drew. "I want to help with this place. The building needs serious work."
"Okay," he says, evaluating my expression. "What are you thinking?"
"I'm thinking my family knows every major donor and contractor in this state, and it's time I put that network to good use."
"For the kids?" Drew asks, echoing our earlier conversation.
"For the kids. And maybe... eventually... to show James I understand what matters to him." Taking a deep breath, this needs to be said right. "But even if he never forgives me, this place deserves support."
Drew claps me on the shoulder. "Now you're thinking like a Delta Psi. Let's make it happen."
As we join the others heading toward the cars, I look back one last time. James is watching me from the doorway, his expression unreadable. I raise a hand in a small wave. After a hesitation, he returns it, the barest acknowledgment, but more than I've gotten in days.
It's not forgiveness. It's not reconciliation. But it's something. A beginning, maybe.
And as Alex so bluntly put it, "so fix it."
Chapter 27
Auld Lang Syne
JAMES
Slipping out onto the balcony off the second floor, I'm grateful for the bite of cold air against my face. Inside, the New Year's Eve party rages on, music pumping, people laughing, and the countdown to midnight is still hours away.
Out here, I can finally breathe without feeling like I'm putting on an act. It's tiring always being the grumpy guy while helping everyone with their computer problems. Tonight, my T-shirt says it all:I Came. I Saw. I Tolerated.
God, I'm an asshole to be around lately.
I want to hide away with my coding, where everything follows logical rules, not this mess of emotions I don't know how to deal with.
Drew finds me, of course. The president has a sixth sense for when someone is avoiding the group. He's always been good at keeping tabs on all his brothers, even the antisocial ones like me.
"Hiding?" He hands me a beer, leaning against the railing beside me.
"Strategic retreat." The cold bottle is good against my palm; it grounds me.
"You know, when you and Caleb got together, you were starting to come out of your shell more," Drew says carefully. "I'd hate to see you go back to full cave troll mode."
A loud snort bursts from my nose. "I wasn't that bad."
"James, you spent your first year here coding in your room. The guys used to check if you had a pulse."
He's not wrong. When I pledged three years ago after Drew's relentless badgering, the kid wouldn't shut up about "brotherhood" and "belonging somewhere”.
I figured, what the hell. Made it out of foster care, got into university against all odds. Might as well try the whole university experience. Everyone welcomed me, but I stayed on the periphery, watching, rarely participating. It wasn't until Caleb arrived with his matching grumpy attitude that something shifted.
Our mutual disdain for small talk somehow made socializing easier. Something about his privileged-but-trying-not-to-be-an-asshole vibe resonated with me. Plus, he actually understood when I talked about the LGBTQ+ websites I was rebuilding.
"I'm fine,"Lie."Just taking a breather." My fingers instinctively reach for the phone in my pocket, a habit that kicks in when I'm uncomfortable, and I want to check the social media accounts I manage for the fraternity.
Drew doesn't call me on it, but his expression says he knows better. "Come inside soon? The guys miss you."
After he leaves, I stare at the stars, trying to sort through the mess in my head. The truth that's been nagging at me surfaces again: I was falling in love with Caleb. No, I am falling in love with Caleb, even after everything and even knowing his family's political aspirations and how complicated that makes things. Even knowing that I've never been someone people stick around for.
I'm fucking terrified. What if everyone sees me the way Caleb did in that moment, someone who'd sell out for money? What if that's who I really am to people?
How did I read him so wrong? If I couldn't see this coming, what else am I missing? Who else is pretending?
