“I do because I want to experience the appeal to pain… what you get out of it when someone flogs you.” He peeked at me from under his long eyelashes. “I’m curious to understand the notion between pain and pleasure. Is it the same as the burn of when the tip of your cock entered felt like? And then, the more you pumped in and out of me, the pressure turned to bliss by the end.”
Interesting, I thought. Oftentimes during a Dom’s training, they expose themselves to the same kinks that they plan to put their submissives through. I didn’t think Jude meant that. I got the impression that he wanted to know for himself. Another hint that if he continued to explore BDSM, he might learn that he’s submissive. I’d never played with anyone who hadn’t already engaged in kink. Consequently, I wasn’t able to read the signs he was throwing off, as would Beckett or Liam. “Very much the same,” I finally said, almost forgetting that he’d asked me a question. “Let’s plan on Friday. If you like it, we can get Liam involved. I know how to throw a whip, but I’m limited and not very good at it. I’ve always been the one under the whip.”
“I feel energized to be entering this new world I never knew existed. I mean, in theory I did, just not in person.” Jude’s face lit up. “All because of you.”
Jude’s excitement and the lightness of his words stayed with me until later that day when we drove to Frank’s house. With Teddy still in London, Belle gone, and Gabby staying away, the atmosphere might get strained considering the topic. I was used to being with only Frank and Mamma as before Jude I didn’t keep my visits solely to Sunday dinners. But Jude had only been with them a couple of times. Although, when I’d taken off and Jude called them asking for help, I think that went a long way in making Jude feel that they were there for him, too.
I’d just turned onto Frank’s street and pulled over a few houses away. Putting my truck in park, I twisted myself to face Jude. “How are you doing?”
“I’m good, Ethan,” he said. “We’re going to be talking about their grandchild and the little I’ve seen of them, they’re going to choose the best for the baby. You already have their support and probably don’t need me here. But I chose to come for me as well.”
Pressing our foreheads together, I said, “I do need you here, baby. So much—” It wasn’t until a beat later that I became aware of calling him baby.But not now.I cannot dwell on the slip now. If our roles were getting reversed, I had enough to deal with at the moment.
Jude’s eyes cast downward and when he raised them to look at me, a pink color stained his cheeks. “It’s okay,” he said. “It was unexpected.”
Fuck!Get yourself together. And I did. “What I was going to say is, if at any time you get distressed and need to leave, use your safeword. You can whisper it in my ear. I’ll make our excuses and we get out. Do you promise to safeguard yourself?”
“I promise,” he said. “They’re good people and if Mamma saw that I was getting upset, she would be the first one to escort us out.” After a beat, he stated flatly, “Armed with a container of food.”
I laughed at the truth of his comment, then got the truck into gear and drove the short distance to Frank’s house. I pulled into the driveway, cut the engine, and by the time that I’d walked to the passenger side, Jude was already out.
As always, someone had their front door open before we’d even climbed the stairway. This time, Frank stood stiffly, leaning heavily on the cane.
“Bad day?” I asked as I accepted Frank’s one-arm hug.
“Yeah, damn leg’s not cooperating.” Awkwardly shifting to Jude, he gave him the same welcome. “Glad you came.”
“Where’s Mamma?” Jude asked.
“In the kitchen. We figured since it’s only the four of us, we’d eat in there.”
I loved their farmhouse kitchen with the handcrafted oak table and three pairs of mismatched chairs. Pots of fresh herbs—rosemary, basil, and thyme lined the bay window and created a wonderful blend of fragrances along with the aromatic smells of garlic coming from the food on the stove.
“My boys,” Mamma called out as we entered, a wide smile making her eyes crinkle. “Hugs and kisses later,” she said, a chef’s knife in one hand and a bunch of half-chopped parsley in the other.
“Anything we can do?” I asked, seeing the table was already set.
Frank dropped into the chair with a wince. “Ethan, do me a favor and get the drinks out. The Chianti is already open. Jude, we also have water, beer or diet cola.”
“I’ll have wine, please,” he said, looking at me.
“Jude, I forgot to find out if there are any foods you don’t eat. I made chicken parmesan with roasted potatoes and broccoli but I have leftovers you might enjoy more.”
“No,” he said, lightheartedly. “That’s perfect.”
Mamma looked over her shoulder at me and winked when Jude wasn’t looking. I shook my head at her desire to be a matchmaker. Not that she introduced me to Jude, but she felt her job was for me to keep him.
Mamma plated the food from the pots and casserole on the stove and then handed them to me one by one. Then I poured wine and left the bottle on the table. After Mamma’s usual “Mangiare!” we all dug in.
For the duration of the dinner, we made small talk, not even mentioning Gabby. Frank got us up to date on major league baseball and Mamma spoke with pride about how well her vegetable gardens had produced this season. She also asked Jude if he’d heard from his parents and he assured her he had a lot to work through before he’d be able to contact them.
“Have you thought of seeing a therapist?” Frank asked kindly.
“Yes, Ethan and I talked about it. I haven’t yet but I plan to call Ethan’s therapist for a recommendation. Unless he’s okay with me seeing him, too. There’s nothing about me I wouldn’t tell Ethan anyway, and he’s seen the worst of my family.”
“Good thinking,” Frank said. “Believe it or not, Mamma and I went to a therapist.”
“Seriously,” I said in surprise. “You’re perfect for each other.”
