“In the very beginning, when I met Thorne. But he’d never been affectionate, even then.”
“And now, if I asked?” Jude said, studying me.
I brushed his hair off his forehead. “I feel similar to what you’re experiencing. I’m different with you. I’m the Dom in that I’m helping you navigate life as a gay man and away from the Church, as well as someone who might be interested in kink.” I raised up and pushed myself back against the headboard, then tugged Jude up and yanked him to straddle me. Jude had picked up on something that I hadn’t been aware of but that resonated with me, thus my maneuvering of our bodies so we could look at each other when we talked. “Before I say more, let me ask you a question. What else appeals to you as a submissive that we’ve been doing the other way around?”
Jude’s cheeks pinkened and I brushed the back of my hand over them, feeling the heated skin. He was so beautiful and innocent looking. “I’d rather you be calling me baby. Except for when we have any kind of sex and you call metesoro. AndBabbois a nickname you use as an honorific, but I don’t feel it. I feel the closer we become serious as a couple, you’re really the caretaker. Even when I’d planned the surprise for you and feeding you was part of it…”
“Go on,” I encouraged.
“Well, in the moment, I felt like I was doing something I thought you’d appreciate.” Shrugging, he asked, “Am I making any sense?”
I scooped up his hands and kissed each palm and then held them on my lap, not wanting to let them go… not eager to let him go anywhere too far from me. “In the BDSM community, there is the option to be vers. Meaning a person can be a top and a bottom, or switch. How a person identifies in the kink community is fluid. Like gender is fluid. People change over time and as a result of their life experiences. Luca is in a triad with his husband, Cain, and Marco, the owner of Noto Patisserie. Marco has been into BDSM for over twenty years. He’s a Dom and asadist and is well known for his skill with a bullwhip. And yet, at some point after he entered into their polyamorous relationship, he began submitting to Cain, but only to Cain. It’s not like he suddenly wasn’t a Dom. The dynamic between the two men, for whatever reason, made him want to submit. Maybe falling in love with Cain was his motivation.” I dropped a kiss on Jude’s tempting lips. “I think it’s like a person who is pansexual; gender doesn’t matter. Neither does how a person identifies. It’s in the individual where the attraction comes in.”
“Do you think that’s us? I see you as a strong person, and when you talk about serving and you like being humiliated, I don’t see it. The way you take the lead in the bedroom, I’m wondering if we should be open to how our relationship evolves.”
“Yes, I agree. It’s the same with me calling youBabbo. I based the endearment on you initially being Father Jude to me. And in retrospect, when you showed interest in learning about BDSM, I saw the possibility of you being a Dom for me. But I don’t see that anymore either,tesoro.”
Jude’s eyes sparkled with mischief. He tugged ever so slightly on my nipple ring. “Does that mean the next time you fuck me that you’ll plug me afterward? Let me keep your seed inside?”
I pulled him forward and flipped us over so that I was on top of him. I began kissing his cheekbones, his full lips, and then I nibbled at his earlobe. Whispering, I said, “I think we should go to the adult store tomorrow for supplies because I’d love to plug you. But in the meantime…”
An hour later after a session of frotting and five hickeys on various body parts, I swallowed Jude’s cock until he released down my throat. Afterward, I spooned him, his head tucked underneath my chin. Minutes later he was asleep while my mind drifted back to my conversation with Gabby. Jude and I were expected to have dinner at Mamma’s house, but I wasn’t readyto run into Gabby, which was a shame. She was—or at least had been—my person to talk to about anything having to do with BDSM. Being a well-trained Dominatrix who had played with vers Doms and submissives, she would’ve had answers for me. Like why was I being dominant with Jude? I was honest with the explanation that I’d given him, but inside I felt in complete turmoil, as if my world had upended in so many ways.
My submissive tendencies ran so deep. At least I thought they had. Or had I been programmed from the start? My then boyfriend had been a Dom, and he’d initiated me into the local BDSM club as a submissive. I’d taken to his domination and the kinks he was into, which was where I’d become addicted to pain. Could I be a Dom and still submit to pain? Marco had proven that but under the lash of another Dom. The way Jude spoke earlier, he might be closer to being submissive than dominant. When he administered to my lacerations after I’d been with Master Liam… his sense of compassion was overly intense, an indication that he wouldn’t be able to inflict the marks. Had he been sympathetic he would’ve elicited a completely different vibe from me, one from a detached third-person perspective, someone who could look at the marks without emotion. Jude had been upset by them.
Maybe I was crazy, but I wondered if the potential of being a father awakened dormant authoritative tendencies in me? But would they translate to an adult? My other issue was that I was losing faith in Jude being dominant at his core. He was definitely a caretaker. However, he never dueled for dominance in any situation I’d been part of, with the exception of his mother. But that had been solely out of preservation. And in the bedroom? Not only did he ask me to take the lead, but fuck if he didn’t listen without question. I had to admit that his reaction had been a turn-on.
I combed my fingers lightly through his blond waves as a repressed chuckle rolled over me. I’d never bring up Gabby’s baby to Jude until we had to have another discussion about it, but I imagined insanely that I’d morphed into a Daddy Dom. So, I’d be his Daddy and I’d be papa to my newly adopted infant. My own family. The fantasy excited me as much as it terrified me. And with that last tableau in my imagination, I held Jude tighter and succumbed to sleep.
The next day when Jude and I were on the patio with our coffee and some bagel sandwiches, Mamma sent a text message.
Mamma: Bring Jude to dinner. Gabby won’t be here. Frank and I would like to talk to you
Me: Of course, Mamma. Grazie. See you at the usual time?
Mamma: Si, and don’t bring anything. Frank bought a case of wine
I would’ve asked what she was cooking, however, my heart wasn’t in it given the topic of discussion. Baby talk.
“You’re frowning,” Jude said.
“Mamma wants us for dinner. Gabby won’t be there. So, I’m fairly certain she must’ve told them about yesterday morning. My question is, do you want to be involved in conversation about the baby?”
I held my breath for Jude’s answer. I knew that I was in for major heartbreak eventually. Nevertheless, I hoped to stave it off for a little longer.
Relief flooded me when he said, “I do, Ethan. Since they invited me, there’s no sense in you coming home and having to reiterate what I imagine is going to be an intense conversation.”
I reached over and pinched his earlobe hard enough that he batted my hand away. “What was that for?”
“Would you have any interest in discovering if you like pain?” I asked. “In a scene, that is, with safewords and a plan of execution in place.”
“Do you mean at Hard Limit?”
I nodded my confirmation, then clarified. “But in a private room if you prefer. Which is what I’d suggest, since you don’t know how your body is going to react.”
Jude stroked his thumb across my stubble. I hadn’t shaved since Friday so it looked more like a beard. “As an aside, I like this length. I like the burn when you kiss me.”
“That’s all I need to hear and it stays,” I said. “And as for my question?”
