“Runs in the family.”
“I wish he was her father,” I say so softly, even I hardly hear the words.
“Oh, honey…” Kelsey sits on the bed, facing me. “He is. He can be.”
“But not really,” I say, tears coming again. “Her father is a monster. And he’s out there somewhere, and what if he… what if he tries to come take h-her?” More tears. More sobs.
I told myself from the beginning I wasn’t going to do this, but here I am… doing it.
“Grizz and Tommy will never let that happen,” she says seriously. “Neither will I, and certainly, neither will you.”
“But what if… what if they all come?”
“They won’t,” Kelsey says firmly as she gets to her feet. “The club won’t let them anywhere near here. I’m sure Grizz has it handled. And if you’re worried, ask him. He’ll tell you.”
“I don’t want to worry him. I don’t want him to think I’m stressed out.”
“That’s sweet, but he’d want to know what you’re upset about.”
“No, I can’t. He’s dealing with a lot with the club right now. He said they’re making a bunch of changes or something, and… I don’t know. I listen, but none of it makes sense, and I’m just so tired.”
“When will you start giving her bottles?” Kelsey asks, turning her attention to Dorothea, who is now asleep, still lying on the bed.
“I probably should have done it already.”
“It’s your choice, honey. Whatever you want to do, and I’m not trying to guilt you into it, but all of us will help where we can. We’ll wake up in the middle of the night to feed her, you know.”
I take her hand. “That sounds so nice, but…” I sigh. “I don’t know. I feel bad.”
“What’s to feel bad about?”
“I don’t know how to explain it,” I say softly. “Just feels like… I’m giving up?”
“Giving up?” Kelsey says with a huff. “No, honey, not at all. You can’t run yourself to the ground. Taking care of a baby is hard. Accepting help isn’t giving up. It’s being smart. You need to be in the right head space to take care of your little girl, and it’s hard to do that when you’re tired. That saying about it taking a village to raise a baby didn’t come from nowhere.”
I nod, fighting off tears while wiping away the ones still leaking down my cheek.
“I just want everything for her to be perfect.”
“Everything will be. She has the best mom and the best dad.” She emphasizes the word dad. “And the best aunt and uncle,” she whispers.
I smile, staring down at my precious baby. “Yeah. I think you’re right.”
Grizz gets home around dinner time, which is his normal time. He looks more tired than usual today. I’ll never tell him what to do with his life, but whatever is going on with the club is stressing him out, and I don’t like it. Of course my opinions of the club are for very different reasons, and not just because of what they’re doing to him.
Dorothea is in her bouncer, and he kisses her on the head before coming to me and doing the same.
“You look tired,” I say.
He smiles. “I’m fine, Angel. How was your day?” I bite on my bottom lip, holding his gaze. A questioning smile forms on his lips. “What?”
I excitedly share the news. “She smiled at me today.”
“What?” His head whips toward Dorothea. “She did?”
Nodding, I say, “Yes. Then I cried about it for ten minutes.”
He pulls me into a hug, kissing my head again.
