“I’m always here for you, little sis. Now, get some sleep, and I’ll take you up to Kate’s tomorrow to see Morgan, okay?”
“You promise?” I squinted my eyes at him.
He laughed. “I promise, but only if you get some rest.”
Jonathan kissed my forehead, knocked off the light, and closed my bedroom door behind him. I was tired, and I would sleep now that I knew Morgan was going to be okay, but there was something I had to do first. I picked up my phone, and texted Lauren and Betty.
A: I’m home ladies, thank you for everything. I need to sleep but will call you both tomorrow x
Then I shot off a text to Kate.
A: I’m home, very tired, going to bed. Tell Morgan I hope he’s okay and will be up tomorrow to see him xx
I didn’t wait for them to reply. I made sure my phone was on silent, put it back on the dresser, snuggled back down, and let sleep take me. It was good to be back in my own bed.
I was lying on a cloud of candy floss, covered in cream, being licked all over and then fucked by Morgan, who was naked apart from a pair of white angel wings strapped to his back, when I was rudely awoken by loud knocking at the front door. I heard heated words between Jonathan and someone else before my bedroom door burst open.
Morgan and Kate stood in the doorway. “I’m sorry, I had to see you,” he said. There was some slight bruising on his face and stitches in his head.
“I wanted to see you, too. I was so tired from the flight. Come in.” I patted the bed to indicate that he should sit down.
“Let’s leave them to talk,” Kate said to Jonathan, and they closed the door behind them.
Morgan sat on the edge of the bed stiffly, we both just stared at each other for a while.
“How are you feeling?” I asked softly, trying to keep my feelings at bay. I held my hand over my mouth to try to keep the sobs down.
“Battered and bruised, but better now I know you are home and safe.” Morgan took my hand and gave it a small squeeze. “I’m…” He took a long shaky breath, and I could see he was trying to hold in the emotion, too. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me.”
He looked smaller than when I had saw him last. His body was turned in on itself. He let out a sob and buried his head in my chest.
“I’m sorry I lost our baby.” I burst into tears.
All the hurt, pain, and grief came to the forefront again now that he was here. My chest constricted and I found it hard to breathe. I clung tightly to him, needing to keep him close to me, sharing our pain.
He looked up at me and scooted closer. “You don’t have to apologise. That was not your fault, nobody could have stopped it, and you know that. I was so scared that I would lose you and I couldn’t be there with you.”
At that point we both broke down. He got up and slipped under the covers so he could hold me as we sobbed for our loss.
Our sobs subsided into weeping and our bodies began to relax into each other’s, each chest heaving in the aftermath. My whole body ached, and I felt exhausted. My eyes were dry and sore.
Morgan tilted his head slightly, gripping my hand and squeezing it. “I love you. I just want to be with you. I don’t care about marriage or more kids. I can’t lose you. Not again. Please, Andie.” His voice was choked with emotion and his eyes searched mine.
I struggled to find words. When I was at the hospital all I wanted was for him to be there and wrap his arms around me. When I learned that he’d been in an accident, all I wanted was to be able to fly home so I could be with him.
But I was damaged and broken; he did want more kids, no matter what he said, and I couldn’t give him that. I was just prolonging the hurt. On the plane home, I alternated between saying I loved him and wanting to keep him away.
“I don’t think we should.” I gave him a small smile, but my bottom lip quivered, and my eyes filled up.
“What? Please, Andie. I know you love me.” I just shook my head and sat up. “Talk to me, I need words. I need to know what you’re thinking.” Morgan shuffled to sit in front of me on top of the covers.
“I’m broken, Morg. I know you say now that you don’t want more kids, but in the future, you are going to change your mind.” I held up a hand as he opened his mouth to talk. I needed to finish what I wanted to say. “You will eventually start to resent me. I can’t have you hating me, Morgan, I just can’t. It’s better that we let it go now. You deserve better than me and what I can offer.” My voice broke and I couldn’t go on.
“Do I get a say in this?” I shook my head no and looked down to the covers, watching the tears splash onto them. “I think I do. You’re not broken. I knew what I was getting into when I started this. I love you, Andie, do you not hear me when I say that? You are everything to me. If we ever decide we wanted kids together then there are other ways. Right now, I need you, I can’t do this without you.”
He put his head into my hands on my lap and sobbed. His body shook, and I hated to see him like that, and the fact that I had caused it was killing me inside.
“Morgan, look at me,” I croaked.
