“That sounds like a good idea. I think she’ll be happy. I want you both to be happy, you know?”
“I know, Mum. Thanks.”
Visiting time was up and Mum had to leave. I tried to read my book but couldn’t get into it. I kept reading the same paragraph over and over. I hated that I couldn’t be there for Andie. I felt lonely, but thoughts of seeing Andie in just two days kept me going throughout the night.
CHAPTER 29
ANDIE
The following day I was allowed back to the villa after being released from hospital. I still couldn’t fly for another forty-eight hours, though. The girls had gone back home, but Jonathan had flown out to stay with me. As soon as he came through the door, I bombarded him with questions.
“How’s Morgan? Have you heard anything? Can I call him yet? Have you seen him?”
“Wow, how about, thanks for coming out to stay with me. Or how are you, Jon?” he joked.
“Yeah, yeah all that. Well?” I gestured wildly with my arms, hanging off the edge of the sofa.
“Morgan’s still at the hospital. He has a concussion and minor cuts and bruises to his face, arms, legs, and ribs. You can call Kate if you want to, but his phone was damaged in the crash. I can’t remember what you asked me after that.” He hugged me and sat next to me on the sofa.
“Have you seen him?”
“No, I came straight out here.” He pulled me into his side and hugged me again. “How are you?”
“Not good,” I admitted. “I fucked up again, Jon.”
“You didn’t fuck up. This is not your fault, you know that.” He bent his head to look into my eyes and moved to kiss my forehead.
“I shouldn’t have allowed it to happen. I thought we were being safe, you know? The doctor here suggested an elective hysterectomy, said I’d have to go private.” I pulled back a little and looked at Jonathan, trying to gauge what he thought about the hysterectomy.
“How do you feel about that?” He pulled my busy hands into his, forcing me to focus on him. His eyes were narrowed, his lips turned downwards.
“It makes sense, I think. We know I can’t carry a child, and each time it breaks me a little bit more than the last. I think taking away the chance of becoming pregnant means that at least I don’t have to worry about what ifs. What do you think?”
“It makes sense to me, but whatever you decide I’ll be there for you.” Jonathan squeezed my hand.
“I know, you’re the best big brother ever.” I punched his arm lightly.
“Let’s order food and eat out by the pool.” He picked his phone and dialled the local takeaway.
I texted Kate again, she was probably sick of me by now.
A: Jon just got here. How is M?
K: Hey love, he’s better today. How are you?
A: Sad. Tired. Angry, then back to sad. I miss him.
K: He misses you, too. Sending lots of love to you.
I was just about to put my phone down when another text came in.
M: Hey Andie, it’s Morgan. Mine was wrecked in the crash. I’m okay, a bit bruised and battered, but okay. How are you? I wish I could be there with you.
Then a voice message came through.“Hey baby, I miss you so much...”I could hear the hitch in his breathing, the tears in his voice.“I’m sorry about the baby…”I cut off the message. I couldn’t listen any further. I could hear the pain in his voice. I got all choked and put my phone down to wipe at the tears in my eyes.
Jonathan was looking at me teary eyed. “Hey, let’s go out by the pool. The sun will do you good.” He stood up and pulled me up with him, grabbing my phone, and leading me to a recliner poolside before he handed me my phone. The doorbell rang. “That will be food,” Jonathan said, jumping up.
I watched the pool water swirl slowly around the pool from the filter, lost in thoughts of Morgan and his voice message. It was good to hear his voice, but I hated that I’d caused him so much pain. All I gave him was pain and he still wanted to be with me. My phone buzzed and I thought it was Morgan again, but it was an email from my divorce lawyer. Not able to read it myself, I couldn’t handle any more stress, I handed it to Jonathan when he came back with food.
