I have to be very careful about what I say next. Talkingabout Claire is never easy. I have to toe a very fine line. She is Sophia’s mother and I’d never say anything bad about her, but I also don’t want Sophia to live with this fear her entire life. She needs to understand that people leaving is not her normal.
“I wish I could tell you that she’ll stay forever. I don’t know how long she’ll stay but what I do know is that she is here now, and she’s going to stay with us until my hockey season is done.”
Sophia scoots back and tilts her head. Her mouth is pressed into a little line; the kind she makes whenever she’s trying to figure something out.
“She’s going to leave when hockey is over?”
The question knocks the air out of me. Is Sadie going to leave? I should want the distance, shouldn’t I? That would be the smart thing. The safe thing. But, god. I don’t want her to leave. Not after everything she’s done for Sophia. Not after everything she’s come to mean to me.
I can’t let Sophia think that the people she loves just come and go. She’s already lost enough. She deserves stability, not another goodbye. And if I’m being honest, part of me is just as terrified. The thought of our house without Sadie’s presence feels wrong, like pulling the sun out of the sky. I can’t let that happen. Not for Sophia. Not for me.
One way or another, I have to find a way to make her stay.
I’ve spent the day avoiding Niko at all costs. Not only has our kiss been playing on loop in my brain ever since it happened, but the awkward moment with the bracelet sits at the forefront of my mind too. Add in the job offer in Denver, and I’m basically a mess. The thing is, I don’t regret that kiss and I don’t think I want to take that job. And the reality of it all scares the shit out of me.
After I woke up in Sophia’s bedroom, I ran to my apartment, changed, then met Hunter for breakfast. I then proceeded to show up unannounced at Lincoln and Ellie’s place where I swept my best friend away for a girls’ day. We hit up the bookstore, went to lunch, and got our nails done.
I’m well aware that I’m acting like a child, and Ellie tells me as much as we’re leaving the nail salon.
“You going to come over and hide from Niko all night, or are you gonna suck it up and head home now?”
I open the passenger door and climb in. I’m pretending I don’t hear her as I buckle my seat belt and wait for her to start driving. Unfortunately, my best friend doesn’t appear eager to go home because she has yet to start the car.
When I turn my head to ask her why we haven’t left yet, she’s completely turned in her seat, one leg folded under her.
“As much as I love you, Sadie…Lincoln and I rarely get a day off. And I’m not in the habit of enabling this type of behavior.”
My jaw drops and I gasp dramatically. “And what type of behavior would that be, Ellie?”
Ellie’s eyes narrow at me, her brows drawn tight—puredon’t-give-me-thatenergy radiating off her.
“Fine!” I relent. “Things have been…I don’t know—different between Niko and me ever since…” My words trail off because I just realized I never told Ellie what happened. She has no idea Niko and I kissed, and no idea that I think about it every single day.
“Ever since…” Ellie leans forward, waiting in anticipation for me to complete my thought.
I throw my hands in the air. “We kissed, okay? Things have been different ever since I climbed into Niko’s lap and he kissed me like I’ve never been kissed before.”
My best friend’s expression mixes between surprise and humor. Her eyes are wide, she’s a tad slack-jawed, and her brows are lifted. It’s like she was just hit with a plot twist she wasn’t ready for.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I say, while pointing a finger at her.
Ellie shakes her head slightly before laughing. “I’m sorry. I just was not expecting you to say that.”
Her words hang between us, but I’m not sure what to say so I shrug my shoulders and stay quiet.
“I’m confused. If the kiss was amazing, why are you avoiding him?”
I ask myself that question every day. But then the self-doubt creeps back in, and I’m back to where I started. Not wanting to dive into all of my baggage, I choose a different strategy.
“Um, you’re the one who urged me to take things slow. Kissing is not slow!” My voice raises more than I intend, but I’m still mad at myself for going there.
Ellie laughs.
Is she really laughing at me right now?
“Clearly you didn’t listen. Considering you moved in with him.”
I know she’s just poking fun at me but I’m not amused. “What else was I supposed to do? Niko needed help. You wanted to move in with Lincoln. I literally had no choice.”
