I’m pulling the chicken alfredo out of the oven when I hear Sophia squeal.
“Miss Sadie!”
I nearly drop the dish with how frayed my nerves are, but catch it at the last second before disaster strikes. I set the dish on the potholder in the center of the island and remove the goat covered oven mitts Sadie left over here after Sophia’s birthday party.
Sadie walks into the kitchen, Sophia resting on her hip, and she gives me a small smile.
“It smells great in here. Let me guess, Sophia wanted chicken alfredo?”
Sophia answers before I can even get a word out. “Yep. I love noodles.”
Sadie laughs and it’s like a knife to my heart. Not hearing that sound every day is going to nearly destroy me, but I remind myself that Sadie will be thriving in Denver and push the sadness away.
I grab some plates from the cupboard and start plating Sophia’s dish. “We know you do, sweetheart. Can you go wash up?”
Sophia runs to the small bathroom just off the kitchen, leaving Sadie and me alone. It’s awkward and tense, and I hate every fucking thing about it.
“Would you like some wine with dinner?”
She shakes her head. “Not tonight. I’ll just have some water.”
Our conversation is so formal. Polite. I miss our teasing, the lightheartedness that usually surrounds us. But I keep my mouth shut and fill up two glasses of water for the both of us.
Sadie and I set the table in silence. Thankfully, Sophiadoesn’t take too long in the bathroom and rushes back, breaking the tension that has filled the room.
“Thanks for dinner, Daddy.”
Dinner is fine. Sophia leads the conversation, asking Sadie what she’s been doing with Ellie. I hang onto her every word as she tells us about her trip to the bookstore and Lincoln’s failed attempt to hang some bookshelves. Sophia giggles along as Sadie talks, but I don’t miss the brightness missing from her voice.
Sophia requests that Sadie do bedtime. So that’s where the girls are now as I finish cleaning up dinner. I hear giggles above me as I load the dishwasher, and the warring emotions inside me are almost too much to bear. Relieved that my daughter is happy after struggling today but also dreading that this may be one of the last times it’s Sadie that makes her feel that way.
This is so fucking hard. There is no easy answer here. I ask Sadie to stay and put her dreams on hold for me, and then what? How long is it before she regrets not following her heart and going to Denver? Hell, maybe she wouldn’t even choose to stay behind and I’m left with my heart on the floor, complicating things between us before she goes. And after that horrific experience with her family, I promised myself I’d do whatever it took to make her dreams come true.
My brain is a mess, but my heart is telling me to let her go, let her spread her wings and do what she’s always wanted to do.
Sadie walks down the stairs just as I’m putting the last dish into the dishwasher. She seems unsure, fiddling with that damn necklace on her neck again. I close the dishwasher and approach her slowly.
She looks so nervous, standing in the living room. I clench my hands at my sides, fighting the urge to reach out and pull her into my arms. Shoving them into my pockets just to be safe, I lean back on my heels and wait for Sadie to look at me.
Our gazes meet and the sadness I see nearly breaks me. Her usually milk chocolate brown eyes are a shade darker with the heavy emotion she holds in them.
“Would you like to sit? We can go outside if you want?”
Sadie shakes her head. “Here is fine.”
She takes a seat on the chair by the fireplace and I already hate the distance that’s between us. The thread that’s normally tugged taut between us is loosening, but I still feel it there. I want to reach out and grab it and pull her to me.
I follow her lead and sit across from her on the couch. I clasp my hands in front of me and tip my head in her direction.
“I know you asked if we could talk, but before we do, I’d like to say something if that’s okay.”
Sadie’s face gives nothing away, but she nods once. “Of course.”
I don’t want anything to be left to question. Sadie needs to know that I support her 100 percent, even if that means her running a yoga retreat a thousand miles away. So, I push the aching feeling down and steel my spine.
“You told me once before that you’ve always dreamed of running a yoga retreat in the mountains. You’ve also told me you’ve never felt good enough and questioned if what you’re doing is worth it. This opportunity in Denver is your validation, Sadie. It’s everything you’ve ever wanted and proof that what you’re doing is important. There’s nothing I want more than for you to get that, for you to change people’s lives by living out your dream. I want you to go out there andlive.Sophia and I will miss you. We can keep in touch. Hell, maybe we can even come for a week. But I don’t want you to stay here for us. You’re meant for so much more than that.”
Sadie lets my words sink in. Neither of us say anything for a minute. She’s looking down and the need to reach across the coffee table and tip her chin up is strong.
