Once she picks it up, I won’t be able to hide my turmoil. My mother will hear it. She always does.
My chest tightens as my thumb taps the button. Time is momentarily suspended, the heaviness settling around me as Ilift my phone to my ear, each ring breaking the stifling silence. It’s not too late. I can hang up before she answers.
The ringing stops and there’s a beat of silence.
“Hello?” My mom answers, her voice soft and hesitant, almost as if she doesn’t believe it’s me.
Swallowing roughly, I close my eyes and blow out the air I’d been holding. “Hi, Mom.”
She sucks in a sharp breath. “Honey…Is it really you?”
Guilt strikes my chest. “Yeah. It’s me.”
“Oh, Jace,” she lets out a quiet laugh. “It’s so good to hear your voice. Are you okay? We’ve been so worried about you.”
“Mom.” I pause to clear the hoarseness from my voice. “I’m okay.”
She lets out a quick exhale, but it’s shaky. “Okay, I’m sorry. I’m just—you haven’t called in months.”
“I know,” I choke out, scrunching my face as I pinch the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. “I’m sorry. It’s been…rough.”
“It’s okay, honey,” she says softly, her voice like a warm embrace. Tears prick the corners of my eyes, leaving a burning sensation along my waterline. “You’ve had a lot of big adjustments in your life this past year. Much to my dismay, I knew I needed to take a step back to let you figure things out.”
“I’m sorry for doing that to you. For icing you and dad out.”
“Jace, you don’t have to explain. It wasn’t easy to be hands off, to not try to swoop in and solve your problems for you.”
I swallow roughly over the emotion lodged in my throat. “I just needed to be alone to figure it all out.”
“I know,” she says gently, her voice catching. “We know, honey, and I don’t want you to feel bad about that. I’m just glad you called now.” She pauses for a second. “Are you sure everything’s okay? It has to be close to midnight there.”
“I—” I release my fingers from the bridge of my nose and rake my hand through my hair. “I think I messed up.”
“With what? The last text conversation we had, you said things were going well with the rink and Harrison. Did something change?”
The guilt clamps my throat. I didn’t tell her about Willow.
“Everything is fine with the rink and our partnership.” I tighten my fist in my hair, holding the top of my head. “It’s—um, it’s with Willow.”
She’s silent for a moment. “Willow Alder?” she whispers. “I didn’t know—I didn’t know the two of you were seeing each other.”
The emotion in my throat tightens. “No one did.”
“Oh, Jace...”
Loosening the hold on my hair, I move my hand to grip the back of my neck as I finally open my eyes. “I got scared and tried to push her away, but as soon as she went to leave, I realized I made a mistake.” My chest deflates.
My mother lets out a soft sigh. “And you let her walk away?”
“What was I supposed to do?”
“Fight, maybe?”
I wince and squeeze the back of my neck. “Mom…”
“I mean it, Jace.” Her voice is tender, but there’s a sternness settling in her undertone. “That girl has loved you since you were little kids. She was your shadow. She saved every birthday card you ever gave her. She knew every little detail about you—at six years old and at sixteen, and I’d be willing to bet she knows every detail now." She falls silent for a moment. “And you just let her go without a word?”
“Well, no,” I mutter, swallowing roughly as I release my neck. My hand falls down onto my lap and I tilt my head back, looking up at the sky. “I said some words.”
