“He came to the rink the other day and questioned me on it.” His hands feel heavy on my shoulders. “I couldn’t lie to him.”
A part of me is relieved, but the other part of me is filled with dread. This is what happened—this is why he’s pulled away from me. My brother found out and now Jace is rethinking everything.
“That’s okay, I’m not worried about it,” I tell him, my voice quiet. “It’s just Noah, he’ll get over it.”
“No, Willow,” he whispers, his forehead lifting from mine as he slowly shakes his head. “We can’t keep doing this.”
His words land like a heavy blow to the center of my chest. My heart constricts. It feels like a knife pierced the muscle. “What do you mean?”
He stares down at me, his hands drifting back up to cup the sides of my face. “Willow, Willow, Willow,” he murmurs, his thumbs stroking the sides of my face. “I promised myself I wouldn’t let my feelings get involved, that we would keep this purely physical and I fucked it all up.”
“H—” I pause, my voice catching in my throat as tears well in my eyes. “How did you fuck it up?”
He frowns, his hands falling away from my face. “Because this isn’t just physical for me anymore.”
My forehead creases. “Why is that a problem?” I swallow hard, a shallow breath slipping from me. The truth lingers on my tongue and I know I have to tell him. He deserves to know. “It’s not just physical for me either.”
His eyelids fall shut and the muscle tightens in his jaw. “That’s why we can’t keep doing this.”
The knife in my heart twists, plunging deeper.
“What?”
“Willow.” He whispers my name, opening his eyes to stare directly into mine. “I failed at the one thing I set out to do in life. I refuse to fail you too.”
My face contorts, confusion and pain twisting the knife again. “How would you fail me?”
“By not being what you need or what you deserve.” He pauses, shaking his head. “I don’t know how to be in a relationship with someone. I have failed at being a good partner in any relationship I’ve ever been in.” He runs his tongue over his teeth. “You’re going to be leaving for vet school and I’m just going to be a distraction to you.”
“No, you’re not,” I insist, shaking my head at him. “I’m not going back to school.”
His brow furrows. “What are you talking about? Yes, you are. I will not be the reason you give up that dream.”
“Since coming back home, I’ve realized it’s the dream I had when I was a kid and I ran with it because I didn’t know what else to do. It was the only solid plan I had for a career path, not what I actually wanted to do.” I pause to inhale deeply. “And I’ve been lying to everyone about it.”
His brow furrows and he crosses his arms. “What do you mean?”
“I didn’t decide to take the year off,” I whisper, my tongue darting out to wet my lips. My heart is pounding so hard, it feels like it’s in my throat. “I didn’t get in.”
“Oh, Willow.” His expression softens. “I had no idea.”
“I didn’t want anyone to know,” I whisper, shrugging my shoulders. “You’re not the one who has a trail of failures following them, Jace. You couldn’t have prevented that injuryand early retirement from happening. I’m the one who failed. I’m the one who wasn’t good enough.” I force a smile on my lips, although the corners of my mouth barely lift.
“Baby, no,” he murmurs, and his hands lift to cup the sides of my face again. “Don’t you dare say that. You are more than good enough. You know how competitive it is to get into vet school.”
“Which is why I don’t even care to do it.” I let out a ragged breath. “I don’t want to fail again, Jace. I don’t think I can handle it happening again. Something like that, that makes me feel so poorly—why would I want to subject myself to that again?”
He’s silent for a moment. “I know exactly how you’re feeling. That fear of failure… it’s always there, always lingering.”
“I won’t push for more from you Jace, ever.” My chest expands as I suck in a deep breath and blink back the tears that are now threatening to fall. “Maybe this is all too much, too soon. We’ve known each other forever, but maybe it just all happened too quickly.” I roll my lips between my teeth, biting down on them. “I know you don’t want to hurt me, so you think you’re protecting me, but I need you to know that this hurts too.”
“Willow…”
“No,” I shake my head. “Let me finish.” He nods, falling silent again. “I knew that this would hurt me in the end. You told me from the start that you could never give me more.” A soft laugh falls from my lips. “I’ve spent most of my life swallowing back my feelings for you and I refuse to keep doing that.” I swallow hard, leveling my gaze on him as I push my shoulders back, squaring them to face this all head on.
And I know my feelings are only going to push him away.
“I had a crush on you when we were younger, but you were older and Noah’s best friend. I let it go and I moved on. I dated other people and tried to forget about you. But those feelings—they resurfaced after coming back here. They’ve grown strongeras we’ve spent more time together and I don’t regret that. I don’t regret any of this with you, but I know I have to let you go too.”
