“You may not think yourself attractive, but he’s completely taken with you,” she whispered, then drew a deep breath.
“He told me once how he sees you. He spoke of colors, of your deep reds and vibrant oranges. His mystical training gives him another way of seeing the world and through that, you are… truly a beautiful woman to him.”
“Huh,” I said, a bit distracted. Daz didn’t see the world quite like other people. He’d told me a bit about the colors and auras and stuff, but…
Slowly it sank in. He did… anything and everything for me. He cooked and cleaned, he tended the garden and occasionally helped with other chores around the grounds. I’d thought he was doing all that because that’s what interested him — and maybe it was — but I could see now, he was doing them for me as well.
And… it wasn’t like he wasn’t a handsome man. That bronzed skin and thick, dark hair. His soft, caramel-brown eyes, and a body, which was broad and tall. He was fit and strong, even if it wasn’t battle-trained strength. And the way he smiled at me: always so open and free and… loving. I’d thought it a fraternal love, but now…
“Oh…” I whispered.
“You can see it now, can’t you?”
“Yes.” I shook my head. “I’ve been so blind. I’ve been an idiot!”
“You’ve been distracted and not seeing him as he sees you, that is all. Now that you do… what will you do about it?”
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. I still didn’t truly believe he could love me like that. I didn’t believeanyonecould love me like that.
Kel had been a lover, but those had been trying times, when the heat of our coupling had banished the darkness for a moment or two. Some of the other men in my troop had lain with each other to do the same thing. I’d just thought… we’d been like that… just another troopmate. He’d never reallylovedme.
I wasn’t built for love.
I was built for battle. That’s what I’d trained my entire life for. Other girls are taught ways to attract a man, to live with him and work with him and be with him. I was taught how to kill a man or protect him if he was on my side.
Avela laid a hand on my knee. I looked up at her, those golden eyes and her bounteous beauty. Why would any man wish to be with me instead of her?
“You still don’t think yourself worthy of love?” she asked softly. She had always been perceptive. “Not beautiful?”
“No,” I said plainly. “I don’t.”
“You need to take a long look at yourself in a looking glass someday,” Avela said. “There is a lot more to you than your work. You’re tall and proud, strong and sure. Some men like a woman who knows what she wants and is sure enough to go and get it.”
I was nearly certain thatwasn’tthe case, but I let her go on.
“Your features may not be as soft as some women, but you are far from unattractive.”
She moved a hand up to brush back some of my wild hair. “Some men like a bit of a wild look to their women.”
She gave a breathy laugh. “And though your cheeks and chin and nose are a bit… sharp, they are not unappealing.” She traced a finger down the side of my face. “Your lips are full, with a natural tinge of red, which many men find beautiful.” She flicked her finger off my chin. “And you are not portly, nor old. Your body is fit and you have enough of a bust for men to see you’re a woman… when you’re not in your armor, that is.”
I looked at Avela, curious. The way she spoke made me thinkshewas fond of me.
She must have seen something in my look for she smiled broadly, with a hint of her own blush. “You know what I did before Shorine found me, yes?”
I did. Her life had not been easy at all. She’d been sold to a brothel by her parents as a child. She'd done other duties until she’d been old enough to bed a man, then she’d been put to work in the usual way. She had not been specific about her time at the brothel, but I could see it had left its marks upon her soul.
Then she’d caught the waning sickness, which had lingered within her and she’d not been able to see customers. Despite her beauty, she’d been a burden on the business and the mistresshad cast her out into the streets. That’s when Shorine had found her and brought her in, nursing her back to health. Avela was one of the lucky few who had come through the waning sickness regaining full health.
She went on. “Well, not all of those who visited me… were men.”
Oh… That I hadnotknown.
She smiled softly. “So… I have learned to see beauty in many faces.”
I shouldn’t have asked, but I was too curious now, “What… is it like? Were there any you were with who were good lovers? I… I’ve never…”
I’d only ever been with one man, Kel. And our couplings had been to push away our fears and sorrows, physical and immediate, hard and needful. I’d never been with a man in the way others were: soft and sensuous and loving.
