She looked away. She didn’t like to talk about those days and I shouldn’t have asked.
I quickly said, “I’m sorry, you don’t?—”
“There were a few,” she whispered. “Men who had truly fallen for my charms, who brought me gifts and fawned over me.” She smiled faintly. “And… sometimes, one of the other girls would come to me. We’d… comfort each other. It was through her that I’d come to know…allthe ways to be loved.”
She gazed off into the darkness, drawing long deep breaths before going on. “I don’t know if I loved any of them, but I could feel their love for me and that was… nice. The touch of a lover, of someone who seeks only to bring you pleasure can beveryrewarding.”
She hesitated. “I… I could… teach you, if you wish?”
“No,” I said softly. “That is not your job here and I’d never ask it of you. I truly appreciate the offer, but…” I shrugged. “If a man ever does love me that way, than I’m assuming I’ll know.”
Avela laughed lightly. “Oh yes, you will.” She looked at me then. “Daz would love to show you.”
I smiled.
Curious, I brought to mind the image of Daz with his shirt off, round muscles on a lean frame. He hadmanyhandsome features, but… to think of Daz being with me as Kel had been… even if it was soft and loving… was still a little too weird.
But then… Maybe Kel was my problem.
Maybe I couldn’t imagine being with any other man because part of me was still stuck on the pain that Kel had put me through. I had fantasized a little about Leo, but a part of me had been terrified to approach him. And Daz… I didn’t know what I wanted from him, but… What he felt for me was far different than what Kel and I had shared.
Kel… hadn’t loved me. We’d had lust and heat and passion and need. Picturing myself with anyone else in the same way — which was all I’d ever known of sex — just seemed odd and awkward.
“Thank you, Avela,” I said and patted her knee. “I know what I need now.”
“If you ever need to talk about… anything, I’m here, mistress. You and Shorine have been an amazing blessing upon my life. I am happy to help any way I can.” She rose, nodded to me, and — taking her lantern — returned to her house.
I sat, lingering in the darkness.
I knew what I needed to do. I needed to face Kel and get rid of the stain he’d been — and still was — upon my life.
I rose and strode purposefully away, down the lane and across town. It was only much later that I realized three things: first, it was the middle of the night and Kel was probably asleep. Second, I was still in my padded-armor-leggings and must look a mess. Third, my fatigue would soon return.
I shrugged that off. It didn’t matter what time it was, nor what I looked like, I was going to have it out with Kel once and for all. And my determination gave me the energy to overcome my exhaustion as I marched off into the night.
CHAPTER 18
Tisera
I knewthe two men standing guard outside the Dragoons’ compound in the third ring of the city. “Harik, Beson.” I nodded to them. “I need to speak to Kel… now.”
I must have looked like quite the sight, and certainly my tone didn’t allow for any questioning. Perhaps the late hour also lent a bit of immediacy to my demand, I wouldn’t be coming now if it wasn’t important.
Harik nodded and slipped inside without a word.
Beson nodded to me. “Tisera. Long time.” Beson had never been one for long speeches.
I responded in kind. “It has.”
And that was the extent of our conversation.
Harik returned soon enough. “He’ll see you,” Harik said. As if he’d had a choice. “You know where his room is?”
“Did he take Drako’s old room or stay in his own?”
“He’s in his own room. Drako’s is empty.”
I nodded and strode into the compound. Harik closed the door behind me.
