“Ethan,” she breathed.
“What can I do?” I asked. “To make it better, to reassure you that there will never be anyone else?”
It was her turn at silence now.
That gave me every answer I needed. There was nothing I could do. Nothing to show her how she wasn’t just another woman. I knew that she, and what we had, was different. She didn’t feel it and there was nothing I could do to show her. Especially from three thousand miles away.
The grip around my heart tightened.
I would lose her.
Maybe I’d never had her to begin with.
“Tell me about your day,” she said.
I didn’t know if I should force the issue, make her talk about it. It was my natural instinct but I’d lost confidence in our magic formula of no bullshit. It didn’t seem to be enough.
I started telling her in minute detail about everything that had happened. For some reason, it was important to get the details right. To be clear. To tell her everything. Time was ticking away. Eight was approaching, but I didn’t want to end our conversation. She should be sleeping now. Was she trying to stay awake?
“How did you make it home so early?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
“On your first day back? You must have left the office at six-thirty to be home now.”
“I brought some work home. I wanted to speak to you. You . . . us. It’s my priority.”
More silence.
“I’m sorry I ruined it,” she said.
“You didn’t ruin anything.”
“But it wasn’t what you had planned.”
“You weren’t what I had planned, and look how lucky I got. I love giving you pleasure, I love getting you off, but it’s not the only thing between us, beautiful. Not for me.”
“Me either. But I want you to . . . you know.”
I laughed. “What?”
“You know, to, er, be satisfied.”
I could feel the warmth in her cheeks from here. “All the things we’ve done and you can’t tell me you want me to come?”
“Ethan.”
“What? It’s pretty funny.”
I loved the sound of her laugh.
“I promise to jerk off in the shower.”
“Promise to think of me.”
“Beautiful, I can think of nothing else any time of the day or night.” It was true, she totally owned me, and I wanted her to know it. “We’re going to make this work, you know.”
“Should it have to be an effort?” The giggle was gone. She sounded serious.
