And I was helpless to stop him.
“You were supposed to save me, Aubrey!” His anguished wail was like ice picks inside my head.
“I love you! Why wasn’t that enough?” Maxx roared just as his teeth punctured my heart.
I sat upright in my bed with a gasp. I was covered in a fine sheen of sweat, and my pulse fluttered madly. My hands shook as I pushed hair from my face.
My God, that was intense.
I put my fingers to my chest, touching the smooth skin. I could still feel the sharp twist of dream Maxx’s teeth. The warmth of my blood. The sound of his angry but panicked voice in my ears.
I took a deep breath and turned on my bedside lamp. Looking at the clock, I saw that it was only three in the morning.
I knew there would be no going back to sleep for me, so I got up and slid my feet into the worn pair of slippers peeking out from beneath my duvet, which had fallen onto the floor.
Insomnia and I had become close friends over the last few weeks. And when I did eventually fall asleep, it wasn’t for long. My nightmares made sure of that. My subconscious was attacking me when I was at my most vulnerable. Reminding me of everything I should be ashamed of.
Strangely, I had slept a deep, dreamless sleep at Maxx’s apartment. It had been the first time I had gotten a few solid hours without waking up shaking and covered in fear-soaked sweat.
I didn’t want to focus too much on the implications ofthat.
I sat down on the couch and turned on the television, flipping to the channel I knew was showing reruns ofI Love Lucy.
“Can’t sleep either, huh?” I looked up as Renee walked into the room. Her red hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and there were dark circles under her eyes. It seemed I wasn’t the only one who had been trying to slay their demons while they slept.
I patted the cushion beside me. “Have a seat and enjoy Lucille Ball with me,” I told her, offering a wan smile. When things with Maxx had gone so horribly wrong, Renee had been there. And when the sounds of my friend’s crying had pulled me out of my self-indulgent misery, I had comforted her in the only way heartbroken people can. With complete and total empathy.
We had learned how to help each other and in some small way mend the parts of us that had shattered.
Renee gave me a tired smile in return and sat down on the couch, curling her legs up underneath her. She didn’t say anything, and I recognized in her the same pain that resided in my chest. Sometimes, looking at my best friend was like looking in a mirror. As much as I hated it for myself, I hated it for her more.
After watching her lose herself for months, seeing her resurrection was inspiring. Devon hadn’t been one to go away quietly, and I knew that he pushed and pulled my friend, trying to make her cave and come back to him.
I heard his sobbing messages. I saw the notes and flowers he left by the front door. And although she hadn’t shed a tear for Devon since the day she had gotten the protective order, I knew how hard it was for her to turn her back on the man she had loved, no matter how horrible he had been.
Renee rarely spoke about Devon anymore. The few times I had brought him up, she had been firm in her resolve to stay away from him.
“There comes a point when a person can only take so much, Aubrey. And even though my heart doesn’t agree, my head knows I’m better off without him.” Her words had resonated. And I was envious of how strong she was.
Because every day I waffled between firm resolve and wishful thinking, with a splash of delusional hope.
I turned my attention back to the TV, hoping Lucy’s antics would erase, at least for a little while, all of the anguish neither one of us could escape. We sat in silence, watching the black-and-white television show, neither of us really paying attention to what was on the screen.
“Will it ever stop hurting?” I asked quietly after a while, rubbing the painful spot over my heart that never really went away.
There’s a saying thattime heals all wounds.Whoever had spoken those particular words hadn’t had their life uprooted by Maxx Demelo. I couldn’t imagine time making any of it any easier. If anything, time only intensified the sense of emptiness in my gut where his love had once been.
Renee reached out and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. I stilled, unsure how to reciprocate the physical affection, feeling stuck in that strange place between needing the comfort and wanting to deny needing it at all. In the end, I slid closer, and the two of us sat in the lingering stillness of our silent agony.
“I sure hope so,” my best friend whispered back, an unspoken understanding in her simple statement. There were no false assurances. No insincere declarations.
It was only a plain truth given from one broken heart to another.
And there was no point in saying anything else.
By early evening I was a walking zombie. Functioning on four hours of sleep was proving more than a little difficult. The fact that I wasn’t sleeping was making me extremely edgy.
I strode across campus with my head down. I had never been an overly social individual, but now, after everything that had happened with Maxx, I was even less inclined to raise my head and make eye contact with anyone.
