Pastor Carter.
I had to figure out what it meant now that wasn’t true anymore.
I stepped into Pastor’s solarium hesitantly.
“Sara, so lovely to see you. Come in.” Pastor waved me over to where he was sitting on the floor.
I removed my thin slippers and took my time joining him.
The numbness waited just out of reach. Waiting for when I’d need it.
I wouldn’t need it. Not this time.
I promised myself this.
He closed the Bible in his lap and watched me approach. He lifted his face to me. “Kiss me, my child.”
I leaned down and dutifully kissed his mouth as I had done many times before.
This time I wanted to wretch.
I was sick to my core.
“Please, sit. Tell me, how is your soul?” He waited for me to respond, but the usual answer got stuck in my throat.
I was tired of the routine. Of the way it made things seem normal when they weren’t.
Pastor Carter frowned when I remained silent. “You seem burdened. What troubles you?”
It would be so easy to tell him what bothered me. To unload my sins. My worries. It’s what I would have done in the not so distant past.
But I couldn’t.
I knew the consequences for breaking my faith would be dire. And I was scared.
Instead, I gave him something else. A sliver of truth in the hopes he wouldn’t go digging for the rest.
“I’m worried about David Scott. He seems depressed.”
Pastor Carter nodded. “I can see how you would think that, but he is on a beautiful voyage. Don’t simplify what he is going through by labeling it depression. He’s no more depressed than your mother is.”
I felt my stomach drop. “You’re saying David’s fine?”
Pastor reached out and ran a finger along the curve of my cheek. I forced myself not to flinch. To lean into him the way I was expected to.
“David isn’t meant for this plane of existence. He is special to God. As we all are. As you are, Sara. He is learning that to find peace he must trust in God to guide him. He must trust in me to interpret his word.” Pastor Carter smiled. I didn’t like the sound of what he was saying.
“What does that mean, Pastor?”
Pastor Carter waved away my words. “All will be clear soon. I want to discuss other matters with you today.” He took my hands and I noticed that his palms were clammy. Sweaty. As if he were nervous.
Or excited.
I felt a shiver of alarm.
“Did you read the scripture as I asked you to?” he asked.
I nodded, trying to swallow around the lump in my throat. “I did, though I’m not sure how marriage has anything to do with my path. I feel certain my fate lies elsewhere.”
