There.
I said it.
I allowed myself to say the words I was feeling. I let myself defy his edicts. I felt strong.
I felt terrified.
Pastor Carter’s face grew dark. His eyes narrowed. His long hair was wild, falling in greasy strands around his face. He seemed older. More haggard. How had I never noticed how grizzled and hard he looked?
“Marriage is the ultimate gift of the Lord!” he exclaimed, squeezing my hands, their slick wetness making me shudder. “It’s been shown to me that if you are to be ready for The Awakening, you must take this final act. You must prostrate yourself before God. Before your chosen husband.” He sounded rattled. As if my questioning him had shocked him. He expected immediate obedience. He didn’t seem to know what to do. And it angered him.
“I understand the sanctity of marriage. I just don’t think God would ask something like that of me if I wasn’t willing. If I wasn’t ready.” The firmness in my tone surprised me. Where had it come from?
Bastian…
Pastor Carter dropped my hand as though it were on fire. He looked enraged. I shrank back, not sure how he was going to react. Prepared to shield myself if necessary.
I had never seen Pastor act out violently, yet there was something almost unhinged in his expression that had me fearful.
He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths, as though calming himself. When he looked at me again, he was more composed.
Yet the violence remained.
Under the surface.
I had to be aware. Careful.
“Sara, you cannot question the will of God. It’s a sin,” he stated patronizingly.
As if he were speaking to a very small child.
I bowed my head, trying to appear meek. “I don’t mean to question God’s will. But how are we to know that’s what he wants—?”
“Because he whispered it to me! BecauseIam his messenger!Iam his prophet!” Pastor bellowed and I jumped.
“Sara, you are my truest disciple. It troubles me that you would seek to defy God. I won’t be able to save you if you do. You know this. What will it do to your mother if you’re left behind when she Awakens? What about Anne? All of your brothers and sisters? What would it do to them to see you fall into the pit?” He seemed to be taking a different track. One riddled with guilt and shame.
I kept my head lowered. I didn’t want to look at him. I couldn’t.
“The Devil’s machinations have wormed their way into your soul, my child. I can see it.” His words slid over me like sludge. I felt dirty.
“No, Pastor. I have not been listening to Satan.”
“You have. And I think I know who has been his voice. I knew that allowing Bastian Scott admittance to our sanctuary was wrong. I saw evil in his face yet I let myself be swayed by your wishes. Because I value your heart.” Pastor lifted my chin so that I was forced to meet his eyes. I wanted to pull away. But I knew I couldn’t. I was trapped, as I always was.
“Bastian Scott has no place here. It’s time we remove the thorn from our foot. The bump on our road to salvation.”
I hated the sound of Bastian’s name in his mouth. It was perverse.
“Bastian is a model disciple—” I began to say but Pastor Carter cut me off.
“He is the beast in our midst.When they have finished their testimony, the beast that comes up out of the abyss will make war with them, and overcome them and kill them.” Pastor nodded. “He has led my perfect sheep astray and that saddens me. I have been derelict in my duties to you, sweet Sara. I should have watched over you closer. I should have held you to my heart and kept you there. Where you belong.” He pulled me to him, pressing my cheek to his chest. He stroked my hair, his fingers getting caught in the tangles. “Sara, my darling Sara. Don’t you see, this is your test. Will you take my hand and let me help you tackle it?”
I didn’t understand what he was saying. Pastor Carter always spoke in riddles, but my head was fuzzy. I couldn’t decipher the meaning.
“He’s not a beast. He hasn’t led me anywhere,” I protested weakly, my limbs heavy. Being with Pastor Carter was an assault on all senses. I felt powerless. Reverting to Sara Bishop, obedient acolyte.
Pastor kissed the top of my head. “You’re too trusting. Too kindhearted. He has taken advantage of you. I’m so, so sorry I didn’t stop this sooner. I’m just glad I got to you before it’s too late. Before your soul was lost to me completely.”
