Maybe. All I knew was that he hadn’t said much last night, and then this morning, he’d barely been able to make eye contact in the kitchen. There’d been a quick glance, and then he’d shifted his gaze away, his expression unreadable as he filled his travel mug.
Somethingwas going on.
Did I ask him what was up? Did I break the silence and try to feel him out?
No. No, I did not. Because I was a fucking coward, and I was afraid of what was going on behind those amazing blue eyes. I’d never been great at broaching emotional subjects, and I apparently wasn’t going to magically become a pro at it today.
Now the quiet held as he drove us out to wherever we might see some moose. He’d pulled off the highway onto an uneven dirt road. Gravel pinged off the undercarriage. Tall weeds whipped at the Jeep. Every sound emphasized how much we weren’t saying.
I fought the urge to sigh as I gazed out at what little of the scenery I could see in the darkness. I wasn’t even sure what I was afraid of. What was he going to do? Say we couldn’t hook up? Tell me how badly I’d fucked up by letting her find out where we were?
Then again, what if he’d just decided that even being around me was too painful? I was probably a reminder of what Selena had done to him. Facing her down the other day might’ve reopened his wounds, and looking at me afterward—I mean,I’dfelt some kind of way aroundhimafter seeing her. So maybe he’d decided he wanted to get the hell away from me.
If that was the way he felt, then I’d have to live with it, but I hated the idea of not even being friends with him. Yes, I was attracted to him, and yes, that was intense to the point of distraction, but I’d been attracted to friends before. I couldtotally accept being platonic with him, especially if it was either platonic friendship or nothing. Ilikedhim. A lot.
I shifted my focus from the dark scenery to his faint reflection in the glass. As I stared at the transparent version of him, my throat tightened. We’d only really been involved in each other’s lives for a handful of weeks, but it felt like he’d been here all along. Like he was firmly ensconced in my world, and letting him go—that just felt all wrong.
I chewed the inside of my cheek as I pulled my gaze away from the window. Staring straight ahead, watching the high beams illuminate grass and trees, I hoped like hell I was reading him all wrong. He was grieving a relationship right now. Hell, so was I, even if Selena felt like ancient history. Maybe he was just sorting out some messy feelings that had nothing to do with me.
But I was still too damn much of a coward to break the silence and ask.
Several long, quiet minutes later, Eric pulled off the dirt road, parked, and killed the engine. The headlights went off along with the dashboard lights, and as darkness filled the Jeep, the silence seemed to ring even louder in my ears. No more road noise. No more rumble of the engine. No more gravel hitting the frame. Just endless silence.
Eric sipped his coffee, then put the travel mug back in the cup holder. For the first time since we’d left the cabin, he spoke. “This is a different field than before.” He gestured in front of us. “Since we didn’t see much at the other one.”
“I’ll take your word for it. I can’t see shit.”
Eric’s laugh was almost as quiet as the world around us. “Trust me. I’ve seen as many of the big bulls here as I have over there. So… worth a try.”
“Fingers crossed.”
We exchanged glances, but hell if I could see more than just his very vague outline.
Once again, silence set in. My heart thumped against my ribs and in my ears. The seats occasionally creaked, giving away that neither of us were sitting completely still. My eyes were gritty and I wanted to go back to sleep, but I was too wound up. Too worried about what Eric wasn’t saying.
Was I overthinking this? Making something about me when he had plenty on his mind? Had he been high last night, and he was barely awake this morning, and I was just seeing things that weren’t there because I was stupid?
I didn’t know. But I couldn’t get comfortable, and I sure as shit couldn’t doze off.
Just like it had the first time we’d done this, the very faintest edge of the sky began to glow with cool blue light. As that glow intensified, treetops started to separate from the brightening sky. Little by little, the open field took shape—a rolling plain of bushes, small trees, rocks, and weeds encircled by a wall of dense forest.
The light was just starting to gain a vaguely orange tint when Eric exhaled hard.
“What are we doing?” he asked out of nowhere.
I turned to him, studying him in the pale light. He was staring out the windshield, his gaze distant and his expression unreadable. Something told me the answer to his question wasn’t “moose-watching.”
“What do you mean?”
He swept his tongue across his lips. “I mean…” He dropped his gaze to his hands, which were wringing in his lap. A few silent seconds ticked by, and then he turned to me, the dawn light picking out hints of his features. “Why are we holding back?”
I blinked. “Holding—you mean, from…” I gestured at him, then me.
“Yeah.”
I gulped. “I, uh… I thought…” His scrutiny was too much, so I focused on the scenery taking shape in the dawning light. “After Selena…”
Eric shifted in the driver seat. “We’re both on the rebound from her. I know we are. But…” He fell silent again. When I chanced a look at him, he was staring out the windshield, brow furrowed as he gnawed his bottom lip.
