“You think so?”
“I mean, I barely know him. Ijustfound out my fiancée was cheating and canceled my wedding.” I threw up my free hand. “I don’t know what I feel about anything, so what the hell am I supposed to do about him?”
“Let things happen?” Bree suggested. “Let feelings do what they’re going to do?” She shrugged. “It sounds like you’ve got a connection with this guy.”
“I do, but… how much of that is just us leaning on each other after Selena?”
“Who says it can’t be both?”
I peered at her.
She gave another shrug. “You guys fell into each other’s lives because of something bad, but that doesn’t mean it can’t turn into something good. I mean, come on—I met Andrew because I witnessed a car crash that he’d been called out to.” She held up her left hand and wiggled her fingers, the diamond on the third one twinkling in the light. “Just because we met over something ugly doesn’t mean everything that came out of it has to be ugly. And like, it’s not quite the same thing. It’s not a perfect analogy. But you get what I’m saying, right?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I get it. I guess I’m just afraid neither of us is in the right headspace, or that… Fuck, I don’t know.”
“Could be you just got your heart broken, and you’re afraid of it getting broken again.”
Damn. Right in the gut.
“There is that,” I admitted quietly.
“I get it, you know?” Bree said. “Relationships are scary even when everyone’s in a good place. When you’re coming off a nasty heartbreak, it’s even scarier. When both of you are coming off the same heartbreak?” She whistled, shaking her head. “But what if fear keeps you from something good?”
I pressed my lips together. She was right, and I knew it. I was terrified of taking the risk with Jesse for myriad reasons. Myvoice sounded small and pathetic as I said, “I’ve only known him for a little while, but I’m already afraid of losing him.”
“I know you are. But like, don’t fumble this guy because your ex ran the two of you through the wringer.” Bree wrinkled her nose. “Kind of sounds like she’s ruined enough for both of you—why let her wreck this too?”
I exhaled. “Good point.”
“Of course it is. That’s why you reached out to me.”
At that, I laughed, which made my head spin more than the weed had. “You know me too well.”
“Uh-huh. I do. And I know you’re a good guy.” She sobered. “It sounds like he is too. So maybe you two need to talk about this. See where you both stand. Maybe you want to just be friends for a while and take it slow. Maybe you want to jump in with both feet. But don’t let it pass you by because you’re scared.”
I was nodding as she spoke. “Yeah. You’re right. I’ll, um… I’ll talk to him.”
“Good luck. I hope it works out.”
“Me too.”
We talked for a few more minutes before ending the call. With my phone sitting silently on the table beside the ashtray and the cooled joint, I stared out at the lake and tried to collect my thoughts. She was right. Of course she was—she always was when it came to things like this.
I definitely needed to talk to Jesse. When, and how, and how it would end—no idea.
But sooner than later, Jesse and I needed to talk.
CHAPTER 22
JESSE
The drive was as silent as the predawn forest was dark. As I sipped my coffee, I tried to tell myself the quiet was just because it was 3:30 in the goddamned morning, and neither of us was fully awake.
Tried to.
The air between us had been a little awkward after we’d decided to put the kibosh on fooling around, but we’d gotten over that pretty fast. Last night, though, he’d been quiet after he’d come in from the back deck. He hadn’t said more than two words to me before we’d called it a night. I hadn’t had the sense that he was angry or that I’d done something wrong; he’d just seemed up in his own head. I hadn’t thought too much of it because he’d been smoking outside, and weed sometimes sentmeup intomyown head.
And of course, how much had I been chewing on since that moment Selena showed up at the cabin? How guilty I felt for tipping our hand and—God, was he pissed about that? Was he upset that I’d carelessly given us away? People had been blowing up his phone and giving him shit on social media. Was he justifiably blaming me for that?
