Having never had anal sex before, Nate had been understandably scared. He’d heard stories about how painful it could be, first time or not, and hadn’t wanted that experience for himself. Giving into Kaz, letting him bend him over that sink—
“There’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Dr. Vera told him. “We’re all just doing the best we can.”
“Yes, well, clearly I need to do better.”
“And we’ll get you there. I promise. First, you need to realize that pleasing everyone is impossible and that trying to do so isn’t being kind. I’ve gathered you want to be a good person,Nate, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but you are not solely responsible for how everyone else feels.”
“Right.” He picked at his cuticles.
“Who takes care of you?”
“I’m sorry?”
“If you think it’s your job to manage everyone else’s emotions, what about you? Who takes care of you when you’re upset? Who helps you ease the toll of everyday setbacks?”
“I don’t—” At her pointed look, he shut his mouth.
“Has there ever been someone in your life you’ve felt like you were safe to be your authentic self with? One hundred percent, no holding back. Your brother,” she held up a hand when he went to speak, “does not count. If anything, your need to please him specifically is the root cause of why you now subconsciously feel like you have to do it with everyone. No, I mean someone you aren’t uncomfortable making boundaries with. Someone you were able to express your wants and needs with, without feeling like you were burdening them with that information.”
Nate really wished he could say yes, but not a single person came to mind, no matter how hard he thought about it.
Ifthiswasn’t his authentic self though, then who was?
Who was he?
“We’ll stop here for the day,” she said, possibly noting his distress. She closed the tablet and smiled at him. “My receptionist will schedule your next appointment. In the meantime, I’ll start thinking up ways we can work together to break you out of the people-pleasing cycle.”
Nate stood awkwardly when she did, but hesitated.
“Thanks for your time, but I don’t think—”
“I can help you?” she cut him off knowingly. “You want to tell me not to bother rescheduling because it would be a waste of my efforts, don’t you?”
“I—” he gulped, seeing that he’d walked right into that one. “Yes.”
“You aren’t wasting my time, and you won’t be even if this takes us years. This is my job. I want to help you, Nate. You do deserve to be happy. You deserve to not be afraid to make your own choices, even if they may go against what others want for you or consider right.”
He grunted. “Sounds like you’ve been living on Vitality too long.”
“Or perhaps,” she held his gaze, “you simply haven’t been living here long enough.”
* * *
When Nate stepped out of the office he felt like shit. He didn’t know what he’d expected when he’d arrived, but being told he had a problem with giving in to others hadn’t been on the list.
Sure, he always did what Nuri wanted and what he thought would be best for Neve. And, maybe he went out of his way to make sure his friends were always happy with him and around him. Weren’t happy people better people though? It sure beat being sad or pissed off.
“Hi,” he crossed the reception area and walked up to the desk where a woman who appeared to be only a couple years older than him was seated. “I need to schedule a follow up appointment.”
“Of course.” She smiled at him and started typing on the keyboard in front of her. “I have an opening for next week, on the eighth?”
“Can we do two weeks from now instead?” He didn’t think he was mentally ready to come back in only a few days.
“Sure thing.” She looked up a new date. “How about the thirteenth?”
“Great, thanks.” It was not great. Not even in the slightest.
“Perfect. You’re all set Mr.—”
