I want to scream. Instead, I cry until my face is blotchy and my chest aches. And then, because apparently, I’m a masochist even without Luke’s help, I fish out my phone.
No texts. No missed calls. Of course not. He’s already gone.
I type out a dozen messages and delete every single one.“Don’t do this.” “You’re wrong.” “We’re not a mistake.”My thumb hovers over send more than once. In the end, I toss the phone across the room and curl up on the floor, hugging my knees.
Eventually, I drag myself through the motions of brushing my teeth and taking my make up off, all the while sniffing and shuddering like a dying animal.
As I finally lie in my bed and stare up at the ceiling, one clear thought strikes me. This hurts way more than ending my marriage did.
I’m woken by the smell of coffee and a light tap on the door.
“Come in,” I call, sitting up and pushing my hair off my face. Chloe and Sloane materialise in my room a second later. Chloe’s features are drawn tight in concern but Sloane’s got a look of determination about her.
“Oh, darling,” Chloe says, rushing to my side and pulling me into her arms. Her familiar perfume wraps around me and I’m suddenly in danger of crying again.
“Here.” Sloane hands me a coffee and perches on the foot of the bed while Chloe practically climbs in beside me.
“Do you want to tell us what happened?” Chloe asks softly.
I stare into my cup for a long beat, watching the steam unfurl into the air.
“Nick found out about Luke and me. In the worst possible way.” I swallow and try to summon the strength to recount what happened. “Luke’s Friday night stage act pulled out and Jessie asked him to step in, which he’s done before. Long story short, we ended up together on stage doing a Shibari demonstration and Nick chose that moment for his first ever visit to Salt. I still have no fucking idea what he was doing there.”
Their faces are twin pictures of shock.
“We are coming back to the Shibari demo, because that sounds insanely fucking hot,” interjects Sloane while Chloe throws her a glare.
“Nick stormed off, Luke went after him, Jessie had to cut me out of the ropes, and I found them two streets away, Nick tearing into him.”
“Oh honey.” Chloe squeezes my thigh through the duvet and I give her a sad smile.
“Nick was completely and utterly out of line. I get that he was shocked and upset – no one should have to see their sister naked on stage in bondage?—”
Sloane snorts out a laugh that she quickly stifles.
“But the things he said to Luke were so awful. He tried to forbid us from seeing each other.”
“Oh my god, does he think you’re 12?” Sloane shakes her head in confusion.
“This has always been a challenge with Nick,” Chloe chimes in. “He’s always been protective but he’s treating you like a kid. It’s like now you’re not safely married to Colin the Cockwomble, he’s gone back into overprotective parent mode. And you and Colin got married so young that he doesn’t know how to be a brother to you rather than a parent when it comes to dating.”
“You’re right, but I’m thirty fucking two now. He’s got to move on and recognise that my sex life has nothing to do with him.”
“It’s not just sex though, is it?” Sloane asks, levelling me with a look.
“No, it’s not just sex. But we didn’t get around to having the conversation to decide what it was. We’ve been dancing around the subject for weeks. And when Nick cornered him with all these horrible accusations, Luke basically fled the scene. He said I’m too good for him and that he cannot be the thing that wrecks mine and Nick’s relationship.”
Chloe’s eyes flash with anger. “What an absolute penis.”
“We can definitely agree he’s not handled this well,” Sloane muses. “But perhaps there’s something deeper at play here? Heclearly doesn’t think he’s allowed to have nice things. I’d say he’s got a problem with self-worth, which is a him problem and not a you problem.”
“I always forget you’re training to be a psychologist,” Chloe says, grinning at Sloane. “You’re adding a lot more insight than me here.”
I huff out a humourless laugh. “So, what now? He walked away from me. He didn’t have the courage to stand up to my brother or to fight for me. I am so hurt and angry at both of them that I can barely think straight.”
Chloe tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “You deserve someone who will crawl over broken glass to be with you, not someone who bolts the second there’s a row.”
Sloane’s voice is gentler now. “I think he bolted because he thinks he’s poison, not because he doesn’t want you.”
