“We all lash out when we’re angry or afraid,” I reply, resting a hand lightly on hers. “Nick had to grow up really fucking fast. He didn’t get a lot of things right but he did his best and he did a damn better job than I would have.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” she says.
The waiter returns to take our orders and leaves us a generous portion of focaccia, olive oil, and olives. Emmy starts on the bread immediately, and I try not to stare as olive oil drips down her fingers.
“The truth is, your parents meant a lot to me too. I was 15 when I met them and they welcomed me into their home, had me over for Sunday lunches and family days out, you name it. My own parents were always emotionally distant and I was essentially raised by a nanny, so it felt so good to be part of something real for once. I was devastated when they died.”
“I didn’t know that,” she says softly. “I knew you were around a fair bit but I didn’t realise you were close to them.”
“Your mum gave me my first Fleetwood Mac vinyl, straight out of her own collection. I’ve still got it.”
“You like Fleetwood?” she says in surprise.
“Only a fool would be unable to appreciate the genius of Fleetwood,” I affirm.
She gives me a beaming smile.
“I moved the last of my stuff out of my old place with Colin last week. Mum’s collection of vinyls is at mine if you want a flick through. I’m sure she’d be delighted if some of them actually got played. I’ve not had a record player in years because Colin insisted that digital versions of songs sounded better.”
“He’s a fucking cock,” I reply, and she smothers a laugh in her hand.
“You’re not wrong there. I’m glad you have been there for Nick all these years. God knows he needs you. I swear you’re the one person that keeps him sane,” she says, taking a sip of wine.
“He’s a brother to me. A few years ago, when Lucy and I split up, I was in a really dark place. Nick was the person who got me through it. My mental health had never been worse and it was Nick that kept showing up at my door, checking on me and giving me a reason to get my shit together. My own parents couldn’t have cared less, my colleagues hardly knew me, and I’ve got no siblings. Nick was the one person who never stopped being there for me. He… He saved my life.”
I bite my lip at the memory, wondering if I’ve gone too far. I’ve never told anyone about that chapter of my life, when breathing felt like hard work and getting out of bed felt like an Olympic sport. But Emmy’s looking at me with sadness in her eyes, not pity.
“I’m glad he was there for you, Luke. And I hope you know that you’ve got me now too. Friends for life,” she says softly, clinking her glass against mine.
I try not to let my heart fall through the floor at the word ‘friends’. Because that’s what we are. We’re friends who happen to be fucking. And doing it really fucking well.
“Thank you, Em.” I brush my thumb along the top of her knuckles and hold it there for a beat too long.
“Chloe’s my Nick,” she says, popping an olive into her mouth. “We only met the year Mum and Dad died but she stuck to me like glue.”
“I remember. You two were thick as thieves.”
“Still are,” she says with a grin. “She’s one of the great loves of my life. As are her gorgeous kids.”
I smile but there is a question hanging in the air between us.
“Do you want kids?” she asks, cocking her head. The air is charged.
“I’m very open about the idea of kids,” I say truthfully. “But after Lucy and I broke up, the likelihood of it happening seemed non-existent.”
“Ah yes, your vow of bachelorhood,” she says, looking up at me through her lashes.
“Yes,” I reply, a bit awkwardly. Now could be a really good time to tell her I’m seriously rethinking that vow.
There’s a beat where we just look at each other.
“I’m not so sure—” I start.
“Colin and I were going to—” she starts.
We both laugh and I bottle it, gesturing for her to continue.
“Colin and I were going to have kids once he made partner at his firm. It was always right around the corner, he said, and the salary would mean we’d be in a great position for managing childcare costs and such. Now I realise he was just stalling for time.” She rolls her eyes.
