Our mains arrive – carbonara for Emmy, lasagne for me – and we tuck in.
“The joke’s on him though – now he’s gone and knocked up a 23-year-old, he’s basically saddled with two children.” She laughs bitterly. “Anyway, enough about exes. Tell me more about the decision to open Salt.”
“Ah, well after my breakup and subsequent breakdown, I started a journey not that dissimilar to yours. I’d been experimenting for years but I threw myself into the world of kink once I’d decided life was worth living after all. I met all kinds of people through the community, through the apps, through clubs all over the world.
“I decided to say yes to virtually every opportunity that came my way. And I could see that London was missing a really high-quality club. I put my savings and the cash from a few lucky investments into a little property in Millbank and a year or so later, Salt was born.”
I smile at the memory.
“What did my brother make of it all?” She cocks her head, a slight smirk on her face.
“Oh, he was pretty shocked. Nick’s not exactly sheltered but he’s not remotely interested in the scene either. He’s always made it clear that he supports me but has never once visited the club. He knows where it is though,” I add.
She nods. We finish off our mains in companionable silence.
“Do you want to spend the night at mine tonight?” I ask, trying to sound casual. I know I’m crossing one of those invisible lines, but surely, we’ve crossed one already by having dinner together tonight? Or was our date tonight just a nice meal between friends who are sleeping together?
All I know is that I can’t get the idea of waking up with her tomorrow morning out of my head. I’m a fool and a glutton for punishment but I can’t not ask. My stomach does a somersaultas she looks up at me in surprise. But then her face breaks into one of her breathtaking smiles and I feel like I’m standing in the sun.
“I’d love to.”
CHAPTER 36
Emmy
“I’ve eaten too much,”I groan, rubbing my stomach as Luke pays the bill. “I may need to be rolled out of here.”
I’ve just had the best Italian meal of my life, hands down. I am at least 50% focaccia right now. The owner treated us to free limoncello and a dessert I definitely didn’t need, but at least my mouth no longer tastes exclusively of garlic. I tried to insist we split the bill but Luke waved me away and promised me I could pay next time. I try not to let my heart flutter too much at the idea of anext time.
We talked for hours and my cheeks ache from smiling. But somewhere between the jokes and the tiramisu, we slipped into the kind of conversation that actuallymeanssomething – the wounds, the scars, the shared history. And I realise I don’t want the night to end.
“We could get a cab?” Luke suggests, looking around for a taxi.
“Actually, can we walk? I could do with the fresh air,” I reply.
“Of course.”
We shrug our coats on and set off towards the river. Luke slips his hand into mine and my heart flutters in my chest. Iglance up at him and smile. I feel like a damn teenager on a first date.
“I was too young when I got married,” I tell him, as we stroll along the river. It feels like a night of honesty and I’ve been reflecting on the early days of my marriage a lot lately. “I think I was so desperate to stop being Nick’s problem that I jumped into a relationship with Colin without taking the time to ask myself if it was right. I barely knew who I was back then. I just didn’t want to be a burden to my brother anymore.”
“You were never a burden, Em.” Luke squeezes my hand in his and we keep walking.
“Maybe not, but by the time I was 18, I was starting to recognise how much he’d given up for me. I wish I’d been brave enough to realise that I could have been on my own, you know? I assumed I needed someone else to provide stability and safety in my life. I didn’t really give myself the time to learn that I could have been that for myself.”
I sigh.
“There’s no changing the past but if I could go back in time and shake myself, I would. I understand the decisions that led me to get married so young but I wish someone had taken me aside and told me to live a little first.”
“Hindsight’s 20/20,” he replies. “I wish I’d realised Lucy wasn’t right for me long before I proposed to her. You can only work with what you know at the time. Don’t be too hard on yourself, sweetheart. Besides, you’re more than making up for lost time now.”
“True.” I grin.
We walk for a few more minutes, the lights of the Southbank sparkling on the water of the Thames.
“I don’t know what this is,” I say, voice low. “But I like it.”
I give him a sideways look and we come to a stop.
