Silke’s blue gaze didn’t leave his. She didn’t flinch at this confession, but then he hadn’t gone into detail about what he’d become. She was uneasy around him because she sensed he was no longer fullyCarpathian. She had the instincts of a slayer and she scented the beast growing in him.
“I don’t say things to you that aren’t the truth. There cannot be lies between lifemates. I am the one demanding trust and loyalty from you. I did not come to this place with any expectations, but once I saw and felt you, once I was in your mind, I knew you were meant for me. That doesn’t mean I find this easy. I trust few people, yet here I am, demanding trust from you.”
She tilted her head to one side, studying his expression. It was difficult to face her scrutiny when he knew she saw into him. He’d revealed more than he had intended. When this woman had returned his emotions, he recognized several from his youth. One was vulnerability. That was not acceptable. She made him feel that way.
He felt the predator rise to protect himself. The scars on his soul ached and pounded, reminding him how close he was to stepping over a line that should never be crossed. He felt the difference in her immediately. Silke tried to move away from him, taking a step back. He prevented it by keeping his palm curled around the nape of her neck.
“You stated plainly that you saw I didn’t want you. I’m going to be brutally honest with you. I didn’t believe in the lifemate bond. I have seen abominations over the centuries and despite the oath carved into my back, I was unsure if my woman was worth the centuries of living. I have always maintained a code of honor, but it was my code.”
Her eyes never left his. He didn’t blink. Her lips trembled. Each time they did, his gut tightened. He noted the strange physical reaction as if distanced from it. As if he were an observer instead of the Carpathian hunter feeling for the first time. She didn’t respond, holding herself very still.
He remained merged with her, needing to know her reaction. The woman in her warred with the slayer. That soft, compassionate side of her sympathized with him. The slayer recognized those scars and what they meant, and she was alert, looking for danger. He should havehidden that darker side from her, but when he was asking so much of her, he didn’t believe it was fair. She needed to see all of him and judge for herself if a relationship with him was worth fighting for.
“You wondered why I didn’t announce myself when we first arrived. I gave you the truth, but it wasn’t the entire truth. I needed to see who you were as a person. The heart and soul of you. It had nothing to do with whether you were worthy of me, but more could you be trusted. Would you stand with me.”
Her nod was barely perceptible. “I can see why you would be concerned. I thought in terms of myself, which was rather selfish of me, but we’re both in the same boat, aren’t we? You need your soul to survive intact. You say you have choices, but in reality, your choices suck. I would have wanted to scope you out before we met if I could have.”
She was giving him an out, but he wasn’t going to take it. “I knew when I saw you that you were the right one,” he reiterated.
“When you can bind me to you with a few words, why would you bother to go to the trouble of negotiating?”
“I want you to be aware that you count. What you want or need counts. You didn’t make impossible demands. You were thoughtful and gave me concessions.”
A little shiver went through her, although she looked pleased. “As a rule, I’m not an anxious person, but I’ll confess the idea of becoming Carpathian is rather terrifying, especially since I can’t go back. If we don’t work out, where do I go? What do I do?”
He didn’t utter a single protest against her questions. They were legitimate worries. He couldn’t very well alleviate them because he intended to convert her. It was the only way he knew to ensure everyone around him would remain safe. He had waited too long. In doing so, he knew he teetered right on the edge of joining Justice behind those gates in the underworld. Silke was correct when she said he didn’t really have choices.
“Lifemates stay together, Silke. A bond is formed. Along with thatstrong bond between us, I hope we establish a partnership we both respect and enjoy.”
“You feel like a man who is going to lead and expect me to follow. I’m very independent. I’ve had to be.”
He took advantage of that slipup. “Now you won’t have to be.”
He expected her to look annoyed, but she surprised him by laughing. “That’s the kind of answer that tells me nothing.” Her soft laughter was an invitation to join her in the humor of the situation. “And borders on showing your true bossy character.”
He raised his eyebrow at her, a little surprised how easy it was to be in her company. He had never been completely at ease around anyone, not even his brethren. When he’d awakened with that first thought of her, he’d found he wanted to be with her.
“I never thought of myself as bossy. Or arrogant, which I know some of the women in places I’ve been have considered me. I’m confident because I’ve had centuries of experience and rarely run into a situation I haven’t seen before. The little demon injected into us along with the parasites was new and a rather interesting puzzle.”
That earned him a real smile. As smiles went, it seemed to light him up inside. He found that strange. He’d seen a million smiles in his lifetime. He had never been affected. Not one single time. A part of him was still inside himself watching the interaction unfold between them. He had been too long in the wild, keeping himself from others. He’d come at the call from his monastery brethren and entered the world of humans several times, but he hadn’t connected.
He looked around him at the trees and brush, the fallen trunks and vegetation in the forest. The sights and smells were familiar to him—felt like home. He was tuned to every network in the forest and mountains. Something old in him connected to the old forests, the underground network, even the creatures. The ancient blood in him called to the trees and was always answered.
“Wasn’t it interesting?” Silke agreed. Her voice was animated as ifat last she had someone to share her thoughts with. “I guess Lilith and her mage friends are going to be slinging all kinds of new threats at us. The tried-and-true method of fighting demons isn’t going to work. I’m actually going to have to use my brain along with my skills to keep up.”
She sounded like the idea not only intrigued her but had her looking forward to the skirmishes with demons. He wasn’t certain how he felt about that. He was distancing himself from emotion so that the unfamiliar feelings didn’t overwhelm him, yet he could still experience them. Her willingness to go into battle without being familiar with what the demons could or couldn’t do was concerning.
He studied her carefully and found himself frowning. “You look forward to your battles with demons.”
She flashed him another heart-stopping smile. “I suppose I do.”
“You don’t suppose—you know you do,” he corrected.
The smile didn’t fade in the least. “It’s why you don’t have to worry about me knowing you enjoy your battles with vampires.”
That was an unexpected revelation. He should have been prepared for it. She saw further into him than he thought possible before the lifemate claim. He had been aware from what his brethren with lifemates told him that their partner could access memories at any time. But before? Silke seemed to be quite powerful in her own right. He liked that. He even needed her to be. He wanted a woman at his side he could respect. One he knew would challenge him.
“How is your mother this evening?”
