“You don’t look old. You could easily be in your thirties. Don’t get me wrong, you look as tough as nails and sexy as sin, but you don’t look old.”
He lifted an eyebrow, daring her to continue. That got him her soft laughter. This time it invited him to join her. He realized this was teasing. Another intimacy between a man and a woman.
“You had the thought of those young whippersnappers taking shortcuts with their safeguards. You know the saying? When I went to school, I walked uphill in the snow both ways without shoes?”
“That makes no sense. You can’t walk uphill both coming and going. And I’ve never used the word ‘whippersnapper’ in my life.”
“Well, you could if you were a crusty old codger who frowns at the shenanigans of the younger generation.”
Her voice invited him to join in her laughter. Truthfully, he wasn’t certain how to laugh. He couldn’t remember laughter, not even when he attempted to call up his youth. There hadn’t been any merriment in his home growing up.
Her fingers moved against his palm, a mere brush, but he felt itright to the bone. “Benedek, sometimes your thoughts are heartbreaking.”
The soothing quality of her tone convinced him she did have a gift, quite definitely as powerful and compelling as his own. He used his to kill. She used hers to make others happy.
“Stop. I called the demons to me in order to destroy them. Don’t make me out to be some kind of saint. I’m anything but.”
“I was in your mind the entire time you fought those demons. Do you know what you felt?” He stopped walking, turning toward her.
She was tall, but he was still a good eight inches taller. She tilted her head back to look up at him.
Her eyes. He shouldn’t be falling into that vivid sapphire. The deepest sea. If he was going to maneuver through this next quagmire of quicksand, he had to keep his wits about him. Reason didn’t matter; he was drowning.
“I was going over the moves in my head to make certain I didn’t make any mistakes. There were too many people in the room they could use as hosts.”
Benedek pressed the pad of his thumb over the curve of her mouth, tracing her soft lips. “Compassion. You felt bad for them. It didn’t matter that they’d been bred to find and kill you, you still felt immeasurable compassion. So much so that I could feel you weeping for them. It didn’t show on your face, but I heard it. It was difficult not to step in and protect you from having to kill. You don’t like it.”
“Neither do you.”
He sighed. “I’m not certain you’re right. I don’t know what I feel because I don’t have emotions.” He gave her that faint smile that felt all too intimate between them because only she could see it. Only she knew he gave her that. To the rest of the world, he kept his expressionless mask. It was one of intimidation.
Her long lashes caught his attention when they fluttered and then unveiled her sapphire eyes. All that blue for him to drown in. His body reacted, a strange phenomenon. Awareness sparked every nerveending in an uncomfortable but exhilarating way. Very pleasurable. More than he ever expected. The blood rushed through his veins and pooled low, filling him with urgent need. He decided to savor the feeling rather than push it away.
Silke was giving him so many firsts. When he’d been jaded from centuries of living in a gray world, believing he’d seen it all, she had come along. He hadn’t believed in the lifemate bond. He’d seen it with a few of his brethren, but it seemed to happen too fast. How did they know what was in the heart of their mate? How could they trust that woman to be loyal when she didn’t know her lifemate? He’d pondered over that question many times.
The bottom line was he didn’t believe she would stay with him. No one ever stayed. He’d lost his family when he was just a baby and then again when he was a young man. Women didn’t stay. Neither did friends.
“Benedek.” Her voice was gentle. “You have friends who travel with you and know they are going into a battle where they very well could be killed. Why do you suppose they are doing that?”
He had no ego and wasn’t the least embarrassed that she read his thoughts. He was honest with himself. He always had been. “They are hunters. They exist to destroy every vampire preying on humans and Carpathians alike.” It was that simple. “It is their duty and they would never shirk it. They wouldn’t want to.”
“True,” she agreed. She ran her fingers up and down his forearm. “That’s very true, but they wouldn’t have to travel here. When you aided your brethren, and I saw in your memories that you had, you did so willingly and without reservation. Did you go to their aid out of simple duty?”
He opened his mouth to answer but closed it before any thoughtless words could escape. He owed it to her to always tell the truth. He would admit to her that he omitted things until he believed she was ready to handle them, but only to make it easier on her. This was something altogether different. She brought up an interesting question.
He had a fondness for the brethren he’d spent time with in the monastery. He hadn’t recognized it as affection or even fondness until his emotions had been restored. That was so recent that he was still evaluating.
He knew his brethren wouldn’t consider that the reason they traveled together was because they cared for one another. They weren’t capable. Or were they? More than once it had been implied that they felt, but there was a disconnect between their emotions and their consciousness. He trusted Nicu implicitly. He was learning to trust Mataias, Tomas and Lojos. The triplets had certainly proven numerous times they could be counted on.
“I don’t know the answer to that,” he admitted.
“You don’t trust anyone very easily. That’s why you’re worried about our union. I thought it was because of me. I thought that you weren’t thrilled that the universe put us together.”
Was there hurt in her voice? No. But it was there in a tiny part of her mind. He wrapped his palm around the nape of her neck and drew her closer. “I wanted you the moment I felt your energy. When I saw you in the doorway of your home protecting both Tora and your mother from unknown watchers, I knew you were meant for me.”
“You didn’t want me,” she insisted, looking up at him. Straight in the eye. No flinching.
He refused to back down from the truth. He hadn’t believed in lifemates. In some ways, he was a fraud. “I have been both predator and prey, Silke. It is much better to be the predator, and ever since I was a young man, I honed every skill to become the ultimate predator.” He gave that to her, hoping she would understand. He didn’t want to go into his past if it was possible to avoid it. If he did, he would have to confess the things he’d done. Not yet.
