He trails off, and I take a long pull from my beer. Looking away, I realize I have a decision to make. I can either keep this lie going or come clean and face the ass kicking I deserve. When I chance a look in his direction, I find his eyes glued to me. He doesn’t look upset, but I know Roger. If he brought it up, he either knows or has his suspicions.
“Listen…” I begin before trailing off. I have no fucking clue how to begin this conversation.
Roger holds up a hand to stop me. “I don’t want details. Do you care about my daughter?”
I swallow past what feels like a lump of sand. My first thought is to deny it. Tell him I don’t know what he’s talking about. Do anything I can to go back to the way things were before. But I can’t do that. Not when the answer to his question is simple.
“I love her.”
His eyes widen, but he says nothing as he leans forward in his seat. I don’t move. I’m pretty sure I don’t even breathe as I wait for him to respond to the bomb I just dropped. Miranda doesn’t even know the extent of my feelings for her, but here I am pouring my heart out to her dad. To the last person we wanted to find out. The only sound in the house is the ticking of the clock as I wait for my friend to speak.
“You…love her? How long has this been going on?”
Draining my beer, I set the empty bottle on the coffee table before looking at him. It may seem like a simple question, but do I say it all began with our first kiss toward the end of last rodeo season? That first night at Silver Fox Ranch, when we finally gave in to our feelings? The night Sierra played matchmaker? My expression must betray my thoughts because he once again holds up his hand to stop me.
“It doesn’t matter.”
I stare at him, waiting for the other shoe to drop. He has every right to lose his shit and throw me out of his house. In the short time Sierra has been with me, I already know the most precious thing to a man is his little girl, and I’ve been sneaking around with Roger’s.
Taking a slow breath, I sit forward and lock eyes with my friend. “I’m sorry we went behind your back. I tried to fight my feelings for her, because you’re my friend. But we have a connection… Things between us changed at the end of last season, but I pushed her away. And I think it nearly destroyed us both.”
Roger swallows hard before standing and heading back into the kitchen. For a moment, I wonder if he isn’t heading for his gun safe, but I shake my head, laughing to myself. I’m being ridiculous. The gun safe is the other direction.
“Here,” he says, handing me another beer.
I take another long pull, embracing the cool liquid as it glides down my throat. It does nothing to help the feeling of sand in my mouth from the sheer stress of this conversation. My mind returns to Sierra, and I’m struck with a new wave of panic. Sierra. If my lack of self-control has done something to negatively impact Sierra, I’ll never forgive myself. She comes here multiple times a week for lessons. Lessons that I know for a fact have helped her work through her grief.
“I assume that’s why she quit Boulder Ranch after last season. I had a hard time believing she wanted to work at Wilber’s Daily Grocery for a change of scenery,” Roger says contemplatively. “And that’s why she’s moving.”
“No,” I say quickly. “She’s moving for her. I’m sure it started off because of me, but we talked about it. That’s the only reason I haven’t tried to stop her. We didn’t plan for this to happen, and I would never ask her to alter her plans for me. Anyway, if you want to throw me out, that’s fine. But please don’t let it keep Sierra from coming here. Melanie’s lessons have really helped her get through-”
“Relax.” Roger’s gruff voice interrupts my rambling. “Do you think I’d be sitting here having a calm conversation with you if I wasn’t sure you’re a good man? It hurts that you both kept it a secret from me, but I understand why. It just doesn’t make sense that she still wants to move out and start a new life.”
I don’t respond. It’s not like I’ve tried to convince her otherwise. And I won’t. I’ve lived my life, and it’s not my place to stop her from living hers. No matter how much I want to keep her with me.
Chapter 38
Miranda
“Come on, Miranda. You have to at least come over and try some of the goodies we baked.”
When I look into Sierra’s pleading eyes, there’s no way I’ll tell the girl no. I assumed she had to be gone already before I decided to sit outside on my patio with a glass of wine and my e-reader. Not that I was avoiding her. But I was definitely hoping to avoid my mother. Sure enough, they saw me as they were exiting the barn and headed straight over.
“Okay, but I can’t stay for dinner. I have an interview tomorrow that I need to prepare for.”
It’s mostly the truth. I do have an interview with the public library in Carruthersville. But mostly I want to get in and out before Hayden shows up. After last night, I’m not sure I can be in the same room with himandmy parents and survive it. We didn’t speak about it directly, but something definitely shifted between us last night.
When I left his house to return home, a piece of my heart stayed behind, and I need to figure out what to do about it. If there’s already a heaviness on my chest just from leaving him for a short time, I don’t know how I’m going to survive moving and only seeing him occasionally.Ifhe decides I’m even worth the hassle.
There’s no missing the look Sierra and my mom flash each other. Ignoring their exchange, I set my tablet on the table, down my glass of wine, and follow them over to my parents’ house.
As soon as I got home, I took a shower and cleaned my house from top to bottom. Anything to keep busy so I could think of something besides Hayden and the things we did. The way I feel when I’m with him. Because none of it matters. There’s no way for us to be together without ruining the relationship we both have with my parents. Now that he has Sierra, we need to consider that it isn’t just the two of us who will be affected.
My hair blows in the warm summer breeze, and the grass is cool beneath my bare feet. I didn’t bother with shoes. One of my favorite parts of summer is freedom from restrictive clothing. After my shower, I threw on a sundress and called it a day. I allow the warm sunshine to boost my mood and push my worries aside. Until I get a view of their driveway and spot Hayden’s truck parked behind my dad’s.
I don’t realize I’ve stopped in my tracks until my mother places a gentle hand on my arm before directing her attention to Sierra. “Sierra, we’ll meet you inside in a minute.”
Sierra walks off, and I finally turn to face my mother, who is smiling warmly at me. “Mom, I…”
