“I feel like I’m just here. I don’t do anything that matters. I live on my parents’ property and work at the same ranch I’ve been at since I was Sierra’s age.”
“You aren’t happy here.”
Hayden is quiet as he waits for me to respond to his statement, and I allow my mind to drift to the big aspirations I had in college. I was going to move much further than Carruthersville. Maybe even New York City to be a journalist. But I found I like living in a small town. New York may not be the place for me, but I want to dosomething.
“I’m notunhappy…”
He takes my hand in his larger one and looks at me. Really looks at me. I’m reminded of how this whole thing started between us. The sex is beyond amazing, but Hayden is the only man who has ever truly seen me. I think back to the trip that changed everything. Even when I was being awful, I was met with kindness and understanding. Just like now. He isn’t trying to change my mind, only to understand me and my decision.
He tilts his head as he studies me. “But starting over in Carruthersville will make you happy?”
“It’s not the location. I just want a purpose. Maybe work in a library. Or take some editing classes so I can go in that direction with my degree. Something,” I answer with a shrug.
“You’ll figure it out. And fortunately, I have no problem driving back and forth to Carruthersville.” He flashes me a smile that would melt my panties if I were wearing any. “It’s getting late. You’d better get home if you really don’t want your parents to get suspicious.”
My heart sinks at the mention of going home, and I resist the urge to tell him I don’t care if my parents figure it out. If I only have a few weeks before I move, I don’t want to spend them hiding. I want to soak up all the time I can with Hayden. But I don’t say that. It would be selfish to set our worlds on fire, only to walk away like the pile of ashes doesn’t exist.
Chapter 37
Hayden
I’m late getting to morning chores, which is fine. The ranch hands do a lot of the work since I’m still supposed to be taking it easy with my shoulder, but I needed something to keep me from practically following Miranda home. There are a few fences I’ve been putting off repairing, so I use the mindless task as a chance to clear my head.
The late-morning sun beats down on me, but I welcome the heat over the cold damp of the winter and early spring. Sweat beads up on my forehead, but I just wipe it off and keep working. Miranda’s reasons for wanting to leave are understandable; I just wish there was something I could offer her to make her stay. A purpose.
I move on to the next fence and get to work. She will be less than an hour away, so her moving isn’t as big a deal as I’m making it. The world won’t end just because she’s no longer ten minutes down the road. But if she ends up with her dream job, that will change everything. Asking her to give that up isone thing I’ll never do. Her happiness means more to me than keeping her. I’ve been alone all this time; being alone again won’t kill me. I have Sierra to focus on, anyway. But I’d be a fool to think it won’t hurt like hell.
By the time I finish up and shower, it’s been long enough for me to show up to get Sierra without it looking suspicious. She takes her driving test soon, and it will be nice for her to have some independence. To be able to come and go without having to ask for a ride. She’s been saving up everything she makes at Boulder Ranch, but I’ve already decided to help her get a car.
Melanie never asked me to pick Sierra up at a specific time, but if they aren’t finished doing whatever it is she planned, I can just hang out and wait. That is, if there was even a plan in the first place. Miranda seemed pretty certain the whole thing was a setup, so I guess I’ll find out.
Roger is just stepping out of his truck when I pull in behind him, and he stops and waits for me. My skin prickles with sweat when I get the inkling he wants to talk to me about something. I try to convince myself I’m being paranoid. Miranda’s words are just at the forefront of my mind, that’s all. Because even if her mom does know, I find it hard to believe Roger would actively participate in giving us a night alone.
Stepping out of my truck, I force those thoughts from my mind and do my best to greet my friend the way I normally would. “Hey man, how’s it going?”
“I’m good. I was about to ask you the same thing,” he responds, giving me a nod.
I’m pretty sure my heart stops beating for a moment, but I swallow hard and keep my expression as neutral as possible. “I’m good?”
With a laugh, he pats me on the back and leads me toward the side door of the house. My worries don’t dissipate with his silence, but I follow him inside like I have hundreds of times. I’m greeted by the scent of baked goods, and even though I had a late breakfast, my stomach rumbles. Maybe that was Melanie’s plan. To spend the day baking.
“You and Miranda were out on the dancefloor most of the night, just checking to see how you’re doing after staying up so far past your bedtime.”
I breathe a sigh of relief, but guilt quickly begins to take its place. Roger is one of my closest friends. It feels pretty damn shitty to keep this secret from him. The lie feels even worse than the truth that I’m sleeping with his daughter. I’m more than sleeping with her. I’m in love with her. The realization hits me like a ton of bricks.
“You alright over there?” Roger’s brow is furrowed as he stands with one hand on the refrigerator door.
“Yeah, sorry. Melanie and Sierra here somewhere?” I’m hoping my question will distract him.
“No, they’re probably still out on a ride. They got up early and baked a bunch of shit.” He gestures at the cooling racks. “I had to run out to take care of something, and Melanie called me a little bit ago to let me know they were going to do a trail ride or two. Anyway, you want a beer?”
I nod my head because I have a feeling I’ll need it. After telling myself it would be fine to hang out with Roger just like we always used to, the heavy weight of guilt quickly lets me know that’s not the case. I follow him into the living room and sink down onto the sofa.
“The wedding was a good time,” Roger says, his gaze pinned on me.
“Yeah. I enjoyed myself.”
“I’m glad Miranda made it home alright. I didn’t see her truck last night…”
