“What, oh God, no. I don’t want to talk to him now.” Her eyes widen at me. “Wait, what stunning, skinny blonde?”
I narrow my eyes at her and smirk. “See how easy it is to fall back to your twenties?”
“I’m not sure if you’re playing with me or diabolically teaching me horrible life lessons.” She grips my arm, digging her nails into my skin. “Is Nate really behind me?”
“No. I’m sorry. I lied. But you understand me a little more now, don’t you?”
“Okay, fine. Hide.”
“Oh, I’m definitely going to hide.” I peek at the time on my phone. “I have two hours before I need to disappear, so I’m going to finish this draft and send it to Gail, then sneak out.”
There’s a twist in my side, a twinge of a cramp I’ve been feeling for days. I rub at it and press my fingers in.
Julia watches me and points, “Why do you keep doing that?”
“Cramps. Being a woman sucks balls. There’s like a herd of tiny unicorns stabbing at my side. It’ll go away, it always does.”
Julia mumbles stuff I can’t hear, but I’m too focused on the white screen and the letters that click out one after the other to form words that coherently string themselves into sentences. Minutes pass. My eyes scan over the words as I type, and my breath stops. I notice I typed out the name Dex. I lean back in my seat and discover a few times where this has happened throughout the page. Shit. I scroll to the beginning and read back my work. Every other sentence has something to do with Dex. None of it makes sense. I push away from the atrocity.
What the hell is wrong with me? I stand up and stretch; my shoulders are tight, my neck tense. Goose bumps pucker out across my chest when I turn my head in Dex’s direction and he’s watching me. His gaze sweeps over my face and skates down my neck and chest. The tic in his jaw makes me reach for my purse and cellphone and lurch toward Jessa’s desk, where the hidden supply closet keys are. My legs shake as I casually grab the keyring off its brass hook, as if I were just walking past to get to the bathroom. I feel the heat of his eyes as I make my way toward the bathroom. My insides are twisted and balled up into knots. I stumble into the bathroom and lean against the sink, breathing loudly.
I splash water at the nape of my neck and look at myself in the mirror. Eyes wide and anxious, maybe two extra-large coffees were a bit too much this morning. I drum my fingers against my legs. Yeah, I definitely have way too much energy right now. What the hell am I going to do? I pace back and forth.
My legs move of their own volition and I’m exiting the bathroom without a clear thought in my head. I speed-walk past the elevators and push open the door to the stairwell. I jog down the steps until I reach the floor of the supply closet and bust through the door and lunge into the hallway. It’s silent in this part of the building. There aren’t any offices on this floor, it’s mostly storage. I stop running and lean my hands on my knees, breathing in deep.
I know hiding is childish. I’m well aware of how I’m acting. The thing is, there are way too many emotions tearing through me right now, each at their own alarming rates. For one, I’m still crazy about Dex. I want his hands on me when I’m with him. Just his voice triggers memories of us together and I get flooded with images so overwhelming my body aches for him. Secondly, I’m absolutely the most terrified I’ve ever been in my life. The answer to one simple DNA test has the ability to change my life. It makes me feel powerless, like I have no control over the things I need or want. One positive result and our relationship is destroyed for good.
I’m also humiliated. I’m humiliated because it’s his choice to stay with someone he doesn’t love. Or maybe he does still love her and he’s just not being honest with me. All of these emotions and more are waging a war inside me I can’t seem to settle.
My body feels tight and awkward as I unlock the supply room. If it weren’t raining outside, I could have walked the streets until my lunch hour was up. Now I’m stuck in here, staring at extra pens and reams of paper.
I sit on a box, praying it holds my weight.
Inside my purse, my phone buzzes.
My heart quickens when I pull it out and read the message.
Dex:Open the fucking door.
Jane: What door?
On the otherside of the door, his knuckles pound against the wood. “Please,” he doesn’t say the word nicely, it sounds more of a snarled demand. “Let me in.”
There are no windows to climb out, I’m trapped.
I open the door, tentatively, and let him in.
It clicks closed and locks behind him. It’s the only sounds in the room.
I lean back on my heels and stare down at the scuff marks on the carpet. Dex shoves his hands into his pockets and looks around the room quietly. I feel like we’re standing in a field of landmines.
“Are you hiding from me?” he asks.
“There is a possibility I might have started an impromptu game of hide and seek,” I say, trying to make light of the situation.
He takes a step forward.
I take a step back.
