“I’m not leaving?—”
“Go, Evander,” I interject curtly. Evander’s attention swings toward me, his expression wounded, as if I were the one who had dug claws into his flesh. “Get to Den and mend yourself. I’ll see you in a day.”
“Faelyn…”
“I do not want you by my side.” The statement is calm, cool. But I can see the havoc it wreaks within him. Evander takes a step back and visibly deflates. He said he’d always be there, as long as I wanted him. Well, now I’ve made it clear. I’ve drawn the line in the sand.
“I… Very well.” Evander works to compose himself. It’s marginally successful. “But I will see you tomorrow.” He encroaches on Bardulf’s personal space, Evander’s muscular mass nearly encapsulating the other man. “I’d better see her tomorrow in one piece. If any harm comes to her?—”
“Unlike you, I haven’t forgotten my oath to Conri.” Bardulf glances at me. “Let’s go.”
“I’m not going anywhere until I get my clothes and my things.” I draw my cloak tighter around me, glaring at them both. They both have the good sense not to challenge and I trudge back to the campsite Evander and I had made.
The blanket is still out. Indents of both of our bodies lay side by side like ghosts. With all the dignity I can still muster, I dress. And I work to ignore the memories somehow even my clothes fill me with—visions of Evander peeling them from my body that blend into the feeling of his hands on me. Him kissing me.
I dress faster and when I am done, I turn to face them both. “Right, then, let’s go.”
Bardulf steps forward. He still has a bit of a limp, but he’s already recovering well. He changes into his wolf state and sinks low, clearly expecting me to climb on. The idea of riding on his back makes my stomach churn.
“You can’t honestly trust him.” Evander steals my thoughts, giving them sound.
“At least I know that with him,” I hiss back. “You…I don’t know what to think about you.”
He takes a half step toward me, dipping his chin, locking eyes with mine. Unlike Bardulf, I don’t move away. Even now, knowing what I know, there’s no part of me that wants to move away from him. I’m still drawn to this man…but is it because of an instinct I can trust? Or a magic charm that pulls on my heart? I might never find out if I don’t somehow get away from him and give myself a moment to clear my head.
“If you want or need me, all you need do is call. No distance will be too great, no power insurmountable. I’m not afraid of the cost, anymore, Faelyn…I will find you.”
The sentiment would be sweet, were it not for the circumstances surrounding it.
“I will not call.” I know the words will cause him pain—and they do—but I am wicked because I do not find it within me tocare. The want to hurt him, as he has hurt me, is an ugly urge but an insatiable one.
Bardulf turns his head over his shoulder and lets out a gruff bark. I move for him, leaving Evander behind. Evander doesn’t make any other motions for me. He stands there, watching, as I awkwardly position myself on Bardulf’s back.
I sway slightly, struggling to situate myself as Bardulf stands. He’s a bit smaller than Evander as a wolf. Leaner. It’s awkward to hold on to him and difficult to figure out where I want to sit. Just being astride him fills me with an unwanted sense of intimacy.
Glancing back over my shoulder, I meet Evander’s eyes once before Bardulf charges off into the night. All too soon, the trees and night obscure Evander completely and I feel as if a part of myself is being ripped from me.
Is this sensation the charm leaving me? Is it magic that I feel slipping from my being? Or is it the feeling of heartbreak I know all too well?
The wind batters my face as we emerge from the woods and out onto the plains. It pricks my eyes, drawing out salt. I try to fight the tears. I don’t want to be so vulnerable around Bardulf. If it were up to me, I’d be completely alone right now. I’d go back to my hut, set a simmer pot over Folost, and spin Grandma’s wheel until my own thoughts grew as orderly as the thread between my fingers.
But the comforts of home are a luxury I no longer possess. And they are not luxuries Aurora has had in centuries. I channel my pain and anguish into thoughts of her—into what I’m doing here in the first place. I’m going to save her. No matter what pain I feel, what heartache, it is only a tiny fraction of what she has endured.
With the dawn will come Den, and, once we arrive, I’m not holding back and I’m not wasting time. We’re leaving Conri, the lykin, and Evander all behind.
CHAPTER 33
Bardulf slows his pace.It’s still well before dawn and we have only just crested the slope that leads up to the Lykin Plains. The forest shadows the valley beneath us. There’s no sign of Evander at all. Bardulf sinks to the ground and I dismount.
“Is everything all right?” I ask when he changes back into his human form.
Bardulf places his hands on his lower back and tilts left to right, forward and back. “I’m still aching from our tussle, and you’re not exactly light.”
I bristle at the way he frames the remark. While I appreciate my full hips and plump rear and am not about to let him change that, it’s clear he intended for the sentiment to offend.
“Perhaps you should become stronger, then.” I fold my arms and look over the plains. “How long until you’re ready to run again?”
“You are relentless,” he grumbles, glowering at me. “You should be thanking me for freeing you from Evander. Bowing down to kiss my boots.”
