“That’s not happening,” I say flatly. I bring my attention back to him with a pointed glare. “Don’t mistake my being here for any kind of fondness for you. I still find you brutish and utterlyintolerable. You are only a means to get back to Conri faster.” I add in the last bit, emphasizing that I am still under Conri’s protection. Evander is right, I’m not safe with Bardulf, and I know it.
“I am surprised you’d want to get back to Conri. You didn’t look like you felt any haste to return to him when you were straddling Evander, moaning his name.” Bardulf pulls no punches. I purse my lips and feel a scarlet flush rising with anger and embarrassment. He doesn’t miss it. “Yes, Faelyn, don’t forget before you open that smart mouth of yours that I still hold power over you. You’re either the poor victim of Evander’s treachery, or a treasonous wench. It’s up to you what you want me to tell Conri when we return.”
I glare up at him, keeping my mouth shut until I can trust myself not to snap. When I do speak, my words are soft. “Perhaps you should focus more on regaining your strength than running your mouth. I don’t think you’ll enjoy finding out who Conri listens to between the two of us.”
Bardulf snorts and sits where he stands, situating himself back on the grass. “First smart thing you’ve said. Take your own advice, bitch.”
I bristle, but don’t rise to the insult, instead keeping my focus. “In an hour we begin again?”
“Den is still too far.” He yawns. “We’ll sleep, then carry on after sunrise.”
“It’s not that far.”
“We’ll go in a few hours,” he reiterates with force.
“Fine.” I take a few large steps away from him and lie back as well. I keep my back toward Bardulf and rest my head on my arm. I stare at nothing, waiting for sleep to come to me. But it doesn’t.
Instead, I pass the time thinking about what I’m going to do first when I reach Den. Aurora is my only priority now. Willwe immediately leave? There could be an element of surprise to quickly running off. Conri wouldn’t be expecting it in the slightest, and the longer we stay, the more suspicious he might become. Moreover, it sounded like Evander would have some kind of trial immediately on return. We could leverage the chaos…
The mere thought has my insides squirming. It’s so heartless. Could I really leave him behind like a sacrificial lamb?He was heartless first, I remind myself. But when I do, his wounded expression returns to me. The pain in his eyes.
Was he really using me?
I bite back a sigh. The urge to get up and walk back to the woods nearly overwhelms me. I press my eyes closed, as though I could somehow get rid of the urge by shutting out the world.
But in the darkness behind my lids, a new urge creeps into my mind. It sneaks in like an ant, crawling over the edge of a picnic basket, scouting, inviting friends. A shiver rips through me, dragging stillness over my shoulders in its wake. I am as heavy as a cloud over the moon. My consciousness is as clear as twilight.
It felt good, giving in to him…it truly did. It had been so long. It could feel good giving in again… My breath hitches, catching in my throat. I can almost feel his fingers running down my shoulder and arm. Feel his breath on the back of my neck.
Give in…
The voice in my mind is no longer my own. My brow furrows. Something’s wrong.
Relax. You want this.
No. I don’t. I force my eyes open and the world comes crashing back around me. With it comes the awareness of a presence at my back. I sit quickly, spinning.
Bardulf looms.
“What do you want?” I snap, rubbing my arms. It helps shake the slimy feeling that’s crept into me like a chill of winter. It’s then that I become aware that my cape has slid off my shoulders. Or perhaps…the feeling of fingers on my arm. Did he remove it? I keep my eyes on Bardulf, looking at him with a fresh awareness of just how menacing he is, as I purposefully slip my cloak back into place.
“You looked like you were having a nightmare.” He crouches down. “I was worried.”
No you weren’t.“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? You look pale.” He reaches out a hand to touch my face and the feeling is back with a force so violent that it nearly knocks the wind from me. I lean away and Bardulf’s face twists from a mask of worry into a far more sincere scowl.
“I said,I’m fine. Go back to where you were sleeping and leave me alone,” I snap, hoping there’s no room for misinterpretation.
“I said, I’m worried about you.” He speaks slowly, as if I somehow had misunderstood him. “Let me comfort you.”
The sensation is back. It batters against me, pressing on my shoulders as if it’s trying to break my bones and sink into my marrow as entry. The swiftness of the assault almost makes it to my head. Almost has me relaxing as he reaches for me again.
Almost. I push off with my heels, propelling myself backward on the ground. His face twists back to that of hatred.
“How are you…”
“Touch me and I will hurt you,” I threaten.
