“Eira…” Alyss squeezed her hands. “Please… Remember when you came back from—from that place. You promised to tell us more and let us in. You said that you realized you can’t do this alone.”
Eira stared at her fingers intertwined with her friend’s, chest aching. She hated this invasive feeling Ferro had left in her. He was like a thorny plant, rooting deeper than she ever imagined, smothering her. The only way to shake him would be to share the burden…but how could she when the disgust and frustration with herself was so strong?
“I can’t.” Eira shook her head.
“You need to,” Noelle said firmly.
“Stop,” Eira begged.
“In your own time, but…” Alyss hesitated, glancing between them. “I think Noelle is right. You should talk about this. Keeping it in clearly isn’t good for you.”
“We have all night.” Noelle shrugged and leaned back in the chair. “No one knows we’re here. Allan said he’d shelter us as long as you needed and, hey, the cakes are pretty good.”
Eira snorted softly; it turned into a hiccup. Tears were falling once more, landing in heavy droplets on her and Alyss’s intertwined fingers.
“Take your time,” Alyss said softly.
Eira did. She stared at their clasped hands. It was real. Her friend was real. Alyss had been there through thick and thin. Through the best and the worst times. She’d remain.
Believing that gave her just enough shreds of courage to say, “I bartered my life to him.”
“Who?”
“Ferro…” The words poured from her, messy and urgent. They filled the room like the tides that filled her at the mere thought of Ferro’s touch. Eira told them everything she had withheld from her first summary of her time at the Pillars and didn’t mince words. They listened diligently, expressions ranging across the spectrum of emotions as Eira told them everything leading up through the earlier interaction. When Eira was finished, Alyss’s eyes were wide and shining. Sparks crackled around Noelle’s clenched fingers.
“So, when are we killing the bastard?” Noelle finally broke the silence.
“We can’t kill him yet.” Eira loathed saying every word of the sentence. She hated that it was true.
“Why?” Noelle picked at her nails, and sparks flew out instead of dirt. The way the air around her teemed with pure, writhing rage had Eira wondering if Noelle had ever killed someone. Unlike Eira’s previous accidental murder, Noelle was acting like she already had experience in hiding a body. A fact further emphasized when Noelle added, “No one needs to find out. Even bones turn to ash if you burn hot enough.”
“You’re scary and I like it,” Alyss said in awe.
“Ferro is too guarded and too important to the Pillars.” Eira forced herself to think like a shadow. To focus on doing what Deneya would want her to do rather than acting on instinct. She had been weaving a plan together since her time at the Pillars and the gala wasn’t far. She could last until then. “If we move against him now we risk the Pillars’ retaliation at best.”
“How is that ‘best’?” Alyss arched her brows.
“Because if they retaliate, we know where they are. At worst, they go further into hiding. As long as Ferro is interested in making me his”—Eira choked on the word—“plaything, we have access and insight into the Pillars. The longer I play along and the more he trusts me, the easier it’ll be to maneuver not just him but that whole bloody group into a trap on the night of the ball.”
“Who caresabout these Pillars?” Noelle leaned forward. “They’re Meru’s problem. In case you’ve forgotten, we’re from Solaris. We don’t have Pillars there.”
“But they came to our lands and killed our fellow apprentices,” Eira said sharply, glaring at her friend. “A danger to Meru is a danger to Solaris.” That was the whole point of the treaty, wasn’t it? To show how each state was stronger together than hiding in their own corners, picked apart by vultures like Adela and the Pillars…or the looming Empire of Carsovia to the northwest of Meru. Unified, they were a force to be reckoned with.
Noelle scoffed. “You’re letting your love of Meru get in the way. This man didn’t just kill nameless people, he killed your brother.”
“You think I don’t know that?” Eira seethed. She was teetering on the edge of seeing red. Every inch of her felt as exposed and raw as the bruises Ferro had left on her skin during her time with the Pillars. Every word Noelle said was a dagger that glanced against tender flesh with brutal sharpness. “I’ve been picked apart too much today. I’m not going to let you flay me.”
“Then do something! Don’t let him get away with this!”
“I am doing something!”
“Enough, both of you.” Alyss tried to see level heads prevail…and failed.
“You’re letting him abuse you.”
“Everything I’ve done has been of my own volition.” Eira had locked eyes with Noelle, but the words somehow felt like they were said more to herself than the Firebearer. They were an echo of what she’d intoned to herself earlier—to remind herself that she’d had a choice somewhere in the whole situation. “I know what I did. It was my decision.”
Noelle’s expression darkened like the light outside the window. “I’m going to stop you right there. What you did wasnota choice.”
