“I am manipulating him,” Eira said defensively. She didn’t want to let Noelle take this from her. The earth already felt like it was crumbling. The box she’d carefully built around her time with the Pillars…the contorted monstrosity of walls she’d tried to mentally trap her perception of Ferro in…it was all cracking by the second.
“You aresurviving.”
“I chose to—”
Noelle was off her chair. In a second she was pushing Alyss out of the way and gripping Eira’s shoulders tightly. Noelle shook her gently, but firmly, as if she knew about those walls and wanted them to crumble. Wanted to see Eira break apart. It only made Eira cling to the idea of perceived strength with all the more fervor.
“If your choices are death or doing something, that’s not a choice at all,” Noelle said firmly. “I’m not faulting you, Eira. I’m not shaming you. But what you’re doing is allowing yourself to feel guilty—to feel like you were in control of a situation you were not in control of, and that puts culpability on you that isn’t fair. What he’s done—is doing to your body and mind—isn’t something you or anyone should ever have to endure. I don’t care about ‘manipulating him.’ He’s hurting you and it’sokayto admit that. Just because you’re strong enough to keep going doesn’t mean your world hasn’t been jarred beyond recognition for the time being.”
Noelle kept drifting in and out of focus. Eira blinked, several times.Oh, I’m crying again, that’s why, Eira thought vaguely. Noelle’s eyes were shining too, but her mouth remained pressed in a hard line. She yanked Eira to her and held her just as fiercely as Alyss had.
“Being wounded doesn’t make you weak. Admitting a transgression was made against you doesn’t sap your strength,” Noelle whispered. “Stop trying to shoulder this alone. You said you would let us help. Embrace that mantra and actually do it.”
“Noelle is right,” Alyss said softly. Her best friend wrapped her arms around both of them. “I’m sorry for what you’re enduring. But we want to help. Let us help.”
“All right.” Eira nodded. Yet, even though she said that, Eira knew there was one major truth that she had yet to tell them—that shecouldn’ttell them.
They were already in too deep. She wouldn’t involve them with the Court of Shadows.
27
The Larks shared their dinner. It was a simple meal—stew and bread—but Eira hadn’t had anything taste so good in a long time. For a little while, she could sit with her friends in a safe place and they could chat and lament about things as if the world was normal. Alyss and Noelle didn’t bring up anything further about Ferro and the Pillars. It didn’t feel like they were trying to ignore the situation but, if anything, be respectful to Eira and allow her to bring it up if, when, and how she wanted.
Eira appreciated the confidence in her it displayed. They weren’t holding her silence on those matters against her. They trusted her to bring it up as she needed. But doing so was the last thing Eira wanted. Pretending everything was fine for just a little bit was the best medicine she could find for her weary soul.
But, as stars bloomed across the sky, they all collectively agreed that their time together was nearing its end. Eira thanked Allan on their way out. She couldn’t convey how much she appreciated his hospitality. He informed her that she was welcome back any time—that the Larks would always save a place for her when she needed it, which was an offer too good to not be tempted by. Promising him she’d return if ever necessary, he saw them to the end of the Larks’ halls.
“What is it?” Alyss asked, noticing Eira had come to a halt in the center of the Archives. Larks had lit lamps all along the bookshelves that twinkled like the sky.
“I don’t think we should leave yet.” Unease had been brewing at the idea of going back to the manor as Ferro’s words returned to her. That place was his family’s. She had a suspicion as to how…but she couldn’t rule out her own paranoia affecting her judgment. She needed proof.
“What are you thinking?” Alyss stepped forward.
“We need to look for something.”
“Cullen can only stall for so long,” Noelle said uncertainly. “We should get back soon.”
“I’m sure we have a bit more time,” Alyss insisted. “What do you need, Eira?”
“Some kind of property records, or historic maps of Risen, maybe architectural logs for famous families…” Eira wracked her brain for something that would lead them to the history of the manor they were staying in.
“This place is massive, it’ll take forever,” Noelle murmured.
“If we have to stay here, Allan said we were welcome.”
“I am not interested in sleeping on a floor, thank you very much.” Noelle scrunched her face in disgust at the mere idea.
“Then we better get looking.”
“Or…” Alyss stepped away. There were a group of Larks that had just emerged from the hallways. She pulled one aside. “We’re looking for old maps of Risen. Can you help us find them?”
The other Larks stalled, waiting for their friend. Eira shifted uncomfortably as their eyes darted between Alyss and her and Noelle. The company of the Larks suddenly felt slightly less safe.
“Is there something specific you’re looking for?” the Lark asked. “So I can guide you to the best section?”
“It’s nothing—” Eira started.
Alyss was faster. “Property records would be good, too. We’re interested in the history of the manor we’re staying in.”
