“I know I’m not, that’s the fucking problem!” My voice broke as she shoved past me and wrenched the door open.
“Yeah. That’s exactly it.” She stalked outside, slamming the door so hard it shook. Heels pounded against concrete as she stomped downstairs and headed for the street.
I stared after her in shock. We’d never had a fight like that before. Never in ourlives.
“Vixen?” Dennis let go as I fought back tears.
I couldn’t believe it. Ari had left me for the first time ever, and I didn’t know if she was coming back.
“Are you okay…?” Sean touched my arm, but I kept staring at the door.
I might never see her again.
“Say something.” Mateo sounded desperate.
I slowly turned to look at them. They were all staring at me like I might fall apart. They knew it, too. She was never coming back.
I broke down sobbing the second it hit me.
“Emy, it’s okay.” Sean frowned as I backed up and crashed into the wall.“Ari’s coming back. I can feel her down the block. She’s just trying to calm down.”
“No, she’s not! She’s not coming back! Why the fuck would she? I always knew she would leave me, everyone’s gonna fucking leave because I’m too fucked up to even be around and I fuckingknewthis was gonna happen!”
Dennis reached for me but I shrank against the wall, crying so hard and trying not to exist. I didn’t wanna be here anymore.
“I’ll be back. I’m gonna talk to Ari.” Sean left, slamming the door in his haste.
I dug my nails into my skin, pressing so hard that blood gushed down my arm and past my wrist. I was bleeding but it wasn’t enough, it wasn’t enough because I had to be just like her, I had to be torn to pieces and buried in the ground—
“What are you doing?” Dennis pulled my arm back.
“Don’t touch me!” I yanked it from his slack grasp.“She was right, I can’t make it through life like this, I can’t even fucking function!” I clawed at my skin as thoughts raced through my mind: I need to die, I have to leave, I can’t function, everything is always my fault—
“Vixen, stop—” Dennis cut off as I pushed him away, reaching for my hair to tear it out.“Don’t do that.” He caught my hand and forced it open.
I pulled at his hands, trying to get them off but he was too strong. He didn’t understand. No oneunderstood. No one could hear the voices but me. No one can hear them but I haveto die.
“Vixen, stop!” He wrestled my arms down. I struggled against him, trying in desperation to make myself bleed.
I need to leave. I have to leave. Go somewhere else. Get rid of myself so everyone can be better off without me.
I broke away from him and took off running. He caught me just before the door. My hand missed, my fingers closed around air as he dragged me back.
“Let me fucking do it!” I kicked at the door, twisting and screaming as he lifted me out of reach.
“Stop trying to hurt yourself,” he grunted, holding tighter while I kicked and scratched, trying so hard to get away.
“Ari’s coming back.” Mateo moved out of the way but I didn’t stop.“Sean went to get her. I’m sure she’s coming back.”
“No, she’snot,” I barely managed the words through tears and suffocation, “she’s not fucking coming back, why would she? You’re all gonna leave me, everyone’s gonna leave because I’m not worth anything. I’m not worthanything!I’m a useless slut and no one’severgonnafucking want me!”
“Why would you say that?” Mateo looked so worried but I didn’t care.
“Let me do it, let mefuckingdo it!” I fought so violently, prying at Dennis’handsso I could hurt myself but he wouldn’t let go.“Let me fucking do it!”
“Stop fighting me.” He kept restraining, pulling my hands down when I tried to gougemy neck. “I’m trying to help. Nothing that girl said was true—”
“No! She was right and you know it! You fuckingknowit! I’m completely worthless and I always will be! My parents didn’t want me, my aunt didn’t want me, Ari’s fucking sick of me and they all left! You’re gonna leave next, I already know you all hate me so just leave and get it over with, I won’t fucking care—”
