“Stop thinking about it.”
“I’m gonna have to tell Ari…”I couldn’t keep things from her and she would know something was wrong.“I’m gonna have to tell Ari,”I repeated. I tried to fight away from Dennis to go somewhere else—anywhere else—but he wouldn’t let go.
“There’s nothing you can do.”He took my shoulders and looked me in the eye.“Stop freaking out. I’ll take care of it. You can tell Ari if you want, but you have to stop panicking.”
Everything in my mind was going numb. Thoughts of the murder were drowning outhis words, and her screaming was beginning to drown out the thoughts.
I looked at Dennis with unfocused eyes. He was saying something but I couldn’t process a single word.
It kept repeating in my head, over and over: loud screams, deafening shrieks, the thought that I killed her. My eyes drifted to Dennis as he took my arm, towing me down the nightmarish street.
Break
Ikept trying to make the screaming stop but it wouldn’t go away. I couldn’t see straight, couldn’t think straight. The sidewalks were moving like water while Dennis kept a firm grip on my hand.
I should’ve left when I had the chance. None of this would’ve happened.
“You tried to leave. Four times. She’s the one who kept going.”
“You can hear me?” I looked at him in a daze.
“You’re upset,” he said.“It comes through. There’s no way to block something this strong.” I whirled around as something ran past.“Nothing’s there.” He pulled me closer and kept walking.
I glanced over my shoulder to see he was right. The sidewalk was empty.“It’s happening again. I’m going crazy,” I murmured. It was getting hard to breathe. My hands wouldn’t stop shaking.“Things won’t stop moving and I’m hearing voices.”
“What are they saying?”Dennisasked. I looked at him for a minute, trying to remember what we were talking about.“The voices, remember?”
“Oh. I don’t know. I can’t understand them. But they’re not mine. I try not to talk about them because the last time I did, Dr. Kelsey said I was showing signs of schizoaffective disorder.”
“You don’t have schizoaffective, do you?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted.“I don’t think so. She hasn’t mentioned it in a while, so probably not. It was just for a little while. She only says bipolar now. But sometimes I get really paranoid and I can’t leave the corner.”
“What corner?” He looked at me and I stared back, trying to think of the best way to explainit.
“The corner of any room. Or my bed. When demons come at me from walls and stuff, or the voices won’t stop, or the shadows keep moving and people walk by when I know I’m alone. I have to stay in a corner because then I can see everything and I feel safer. It happens when things get really bad. When I’m going crazy.”
“You’re not going crazy. You have a disorder, but that doesn’t make you crazy.”
“I don’t wanna keep talking about it,” I said quietly. It felt stupid because I brought it up, but I was starting to scare myself. He might not wanna admit it, but I knew the truth. I was going insane.“Wait.” I tried to slow down once we reached the complex. I didn’t wanna go in. I couldn’t go in. Ari was gonna kill me the second she found outIkilled someone, and I knew I couldn’t handle it right now.“I can’t go inside.” I tugged on my arm but Dennis kept moving, towing me upstairs and past the pool.
“You need to get cleaned up.”
“I can’t. Ari’s gonna kill me. She’s gonna fucking kill me and I can’t lie to her.” I was so anxious and the voices were coming back. The girl’s screams were getting louder and Ari was gonna fucking kill me.
“Go inside.” Dennis opened the door and I backed right into him. I couldn’t go in. I was terrified.“Vixen, you have to go in. We can’t stay out here. We’re both covered in blood.”
I balked when he pushed me inside. I almost hit the wall trying to get back out, but it was no use; he caught my waist and shut the door, locking it right as Ari and Sean looked up from the couch.
“Oh my god, Emy! You’re bleeding!” Her bookfell as she ran to me.“Are you okay? What happened?” She started an inspection, lifting my arms in panic, checking my stomach, my legs, everywhere to find the source of blood.
“What happened?” Sean stood and walked to us, but he was asking Dennis. Like he already knew.
“You’re not bleeding,” Ari realized.“Where did all this blood come from?”
Everything was going in such slow motion. Seanlooked guilty as he exchanged a silent interaction with Dennis, who was perched on the arm of the couch, still holding onto my waist like I might fall out. It honestly felt like I might.
I lookeddown at my blood drenched clothes. The smears across my chest and stains on each arm, splatters running down my legs and remnants across my stomach. They danced along my skin like I’d been painting in red. Ari was doing the same, staring at it all right before our eyes met. She knew it wasn’t mine.
