And then it all came back, and she had just asked the question and I was standing here like I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t wanna answer her. I’d give anything not to answer.
“I killed someone,” I barely whispered it.“It was an accident. It just happened, and I…” I couldn’t bring myself to keep going.
“Who did you kill?”
I took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart.“That girl from school. The one I always told you about.” I stopped at that, hoping she would understand without details. I didn’t wanna say them in front of anyone else.
“The one who…?” She got visibly mad when I nodded.“She washere? What the fuck was she doing here? Don’t tell me she followed you, because I wouldn’t put it past her.”
“She didn’t,” I said.“I don’t think she did. She didn’t know I was here until I ran into her. And then she started going on about the same shit as usual, just like senior year all over again and I couldn’t take it. I kept trying to leave because I knew I was gonna kill her if I stayed. I fuckingknewit, but I stayed anyway when I didn’t even have to and I should’ve just left when I could.”
“You tried to,”Dennissaid.“She tried to leave four times, but that girl kept following her and saying the most fucked up—”
“Don’t!” I blurted. Thankfully, he stopped talking.“She knows. I’ve told her before. She gets it.” I looked away in embarrassment. I didn’t want him to repeat it. I didn’t want him to remember.
“That bad?” Ari looked almost as upset as I felt.
“Same as usual,” I mumbled, avoidingDennis’eyes.“I still could’ve left, though. I’m fast enough now but I couldn’t… I was in shock, you know? It’s like I was paralyzed and she wouldn’t stop going with the same shit she always does. Four years later, and shestillremembers every word to make me break. I was having flashbacks and I didn’t wanna let her win. I couldn’t let her fucking win again so I stayed, and then I snapped. I blacked out and I don’t even know how it happened. I’ve snapped on her so many times, but youknowI always stop with her. I always stop but there was no one to get me off this time. Her friends weren’t around and there were no teachers or officers and I lost it and killed her.”
Ari was staring at me. Sean was too, but in a different way. He wasn’t judging me. He wasn’t disgusted or disappointed. He wasn’t gaping at every drop of blood that covered my skin. Ari was.
“And you couldn’t just leave?”
“I mean, yeah, but—”
“Physically, you could’ve left.” She was working through it, moving past our shared hatred of the girl toward logic instead.
“I mean, yeah,” I repeated hesitantly. I couldn’t argue; she was right.
“So you didn’t have to kill her.” She paused to see if I would object. I didn’t. “This was actually murder?” She waited several seconds for a response, but my silence was answer enough. “I can’t believe you did this…”
“Don’t hate me,” I pleaded as she took a step back.“I swear it wasn’t my fault. It was an accident, it just happened—”
“It‘just happened’?” she echoed, staring at me in disbelief.“How does that‘just happen’? Youkilledsomeone, Emy. You murdered her.”
“It wasn’t my fault! You know how she is. You know how she was my entire senior year.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t make it okay. You can’t just go around killing people every time they make you mad.” She roughly ran a hand through her hair.“You already came close enough to killing people when you were human. You’re a fuckingvampirenow, you can’t keep doing this! We already know you’re too violent for your own good. You almost killed three people in three years—”
“One of those was an accident!”
“Oh, like this one?”
“That one was self-defense,” I insisted. She knew this.“I was protecting myself and it had to happen. You know I didn’t do that one on purpose, so don’t hold that fucking shit against me—”
“You’re right, I wasn’t being fair,” she said. “I’m sorry. I know that wasn’t you. I know you had to do it that time, but this time you didn’t. Did you?” She was genuinely asking. I slowly shook my head.“Exactly. That’sexactlymy point. It didn’t have to happen. She was horrible. She was pure fucking evil, but that doesn’t give you the right to kill her.”
“It was an accident! I’m sorry, please don’t be mad at me—”
“No, Emy!” she nearly shouted it in exasperation.“It doesn’t work like that! No matter how many times you make excuses or blame it on her, she’s not coming back.” She stopped, and a tense silence ensued until she quietly asked,“What’d you do with the body?”
“Pieces.” I avoided her eyes as her mouth dropped. “Dennis took care of it.”
“Youdismemberedher? What the fuck iswrongwith you?” She almost knocked Sean over in her attempt to get away from me.“I don’t even know what to say to you right now!”
“You weren’t there, okay?” I couldn’t take it anymore. I was finally coming to my own defense, finally fed up with the judgment and accusations.“Youweren’tfucking there and you didn’t see any of it.”
“No, but you’ve told me enough that I can imagine—”
