Hayden sits in the silence with me, and I continue to reflect over my relationship with Priscilla. I never felt anything toward her. She was a friend. I trusted her. Much like how I feel about Hayden.
Well, felt. There are much stronger emotions coursing through my veins these days.
“I can teach you,” Hayden finally says. Her hand finds mine, and I decide it’s now or never. A hand has never felt as good as hers feels resting on top of mine. She’s not going to mock me for my lack of relationship knowledge. She’s taught me about proper dating, and now she’s going to teach me how to hug her body close so that she feels safe and secure in my arms.
“Okay.” I lay down and turn to face her, but instead I face a wall of pillows. “We may need to move—”
“Yeah, on it,” Hayden says, already in the process of knocking down the thirty-eighth parallel.
This feels right.Hayden is the warm, open South Korea and I’m the dark, closed-off North Korea. But somehow, despite our outward differences, we share the same language and are working on merging our regional dialects.
This is more than passionate kisses. It’s more than dates that end in separate beds. This is falling asleep and waking up next to each other. It’s seeing one another in our most vulnerable forms.
“Okay, lay on your back and put your arm out.”
She lifts her head, and I tuck my arm underneath her. She curls her body against mine and lays a hand on my chest. Can she feel my heart beating? “This is the simplest form of cuddling for you. You get to lay there and let your arm go to sleep.”
The smile that stretches across my face is one of pure, genuine happiness. I could stay like this forever.
I wish I could see her, but the darkness is just what I wanted—pitch black. If I could see her, I would lose myself in her dark brown eyes. I’d kiss her temple and then trail my lips down her high cheekbone. I’d kiss the corner of her mouth before parting her lips with my—
A shiver runs down my body, and I push those thoughts far, far away.
Hayden pulls herself closer to me. “Are you cold?”
My voice is dark as I answer with a coarse no.
She wiggles against me, and I bite my lip to stop from groaning while she replies, “Don’t worry. I’m too tired to try to steal your virtue tonight.”
I risk the question because my head is mush with her body flush against mine. “What if I want to give you my virtue?”
Silence stretches on long enough for me to doubt asking that, but finally, she says in a low whisper, “Darcy, I don’t know if I’m truly what you need. My past… It’s unpleasant.”
I turn to face her, making sure my arm remains under her neck. We’re now face to face, and her minty breath washes over me.
She smells divine…
I shake the thought of pressing my lips to hers. “What do you mean? I know you were an orphan and in the foster care system. I know you spent some time on the streets. I know you’ve tried weed.”
“That’s not everything, Killjoy.” She laughs and pats my chest with the hand that is resting there. I bring my free hand and hold hers on top of my chest. “Trust me. You’d divorce me if you knew the whole story.”
Small red flags begin to rise, but I don’t want to ruin this like I have in the past. Instead of assuming what Hayden needs to say, assigning her motive, and running away, I will hear her out. “Try me.”
She’s quiet for a moment, and I squeeze her hand, reminding her that I’m here.
“Not tonight,” she finally says. “We should get some sleep.”
She uncurls from me and rolls to her side of the bed. I want desperately to reach out and pull her back in, but something in her voice—something raw and broken—stops me. I can’t make her say things she isn’t ready to say, but the curiosity is burning me alive.
What do I not know about her? I ran a background check. I know she went to juvie when she was a kid for getting into a physical altercation with another kid. I know she has had issues with anger management in the past.
But doesn’t she realize it’s all in the past?
That we all have dark blemishes? Including me?
“You aren’t your past, Hayden.”
No response. Maybe she’s asleep already, but I doubt she is.
