Charlie felt like she would be sick. “This is all just too much.”
The look of sympathy Lauren gave Charlie made Charlie feel pathetic.
“Come on. It’s freezing out here. Have you eaten? You literally look green in the face.”
“I can’t stomach anything,” Charlie replied, hopelessly.
“I was like that. I’ve got a recipe that got me through my whole pregnancy. I’ll follow you home and make sure you’re settled before I leave.”
Charlie hesitated. “Why would you help me?”
Lauren shrugged and shook her head. “I handle his business,” Lauren replied. “I don’t know, Charlie. Damn, I guess…” shepaused, and Charlie saw emotion in Lauren’s eyes. “You’re carrying my son’s sibling and I…”
“Don’t want to be left out,” Charlie finished for her. The ways women related to each other even when they didn’t want to was remarkable. Charlie could have given Lauren a taste of her own medicine, but she knew how bitter it was. She knew how hurtful it would be. “I’d really appreciate the recipe, Lo.”
Lauren nodded, and the pair walked back to their cars before heading back to Charlie’s house.
Nyair knocked on the office door ofhis mentor. Pastor Cullian was well respected in the community. For as far back as Nyair could remember, Pastor Cullian had been the revered figurein the city. Everyone from the local dope boys to the city council members relied on this man for counsel. He was their elder, and he had taught Nyair a lot about himself, about God, and about the responsibility that his position held in the city. When Nyair had gotten lost in the past, when he had been consumed in an artificial world of money and fame, Pastor Cullian had pulled him out. If it weren’t for him, Nyair was sure he would be dead.
“I’m in trouble, sir,” he said as soon as the pastor opened the door.
“Nothing a long conversation and the good Lord can’t straighten out, son. Come on in,” the man said as he shook Nyair’s hand. The firm hand and reassuring squeeze to Ny’s shoulder made Nyair feel like crying. This man was fatherly. He came with wisdom and a soothing that only God could put inside you. Nyair represented that for a lot of people. It was a great privilege, to stand in their role, but Nyair couldn’t help but feel like a fraud.
“What’s going on with you, young man?” Pastor Cullian asked. Nyair would always be ‘young man’ to this elder. He had watched him grow up. He had witnessed his rise and his fall, but most importantly, he had never judged.
“I’m messing up, Pastor. I need to know if I can continue to be a vessel because it’s feeling like I’m not worthy,” Nyair admitted.
“Let’s start with what happened,” the old man replied.
“There’s a woman,” Nyair started.
“There is always a woman,” Pastor Cullian said knowingly, chuckling to himself.
“You told me a long time ago that the devil doesn’t come to you with his horns out,” Nyair said. “I’m slipping. She’s literally a temptation that I can’t say no to. I’ve tried. She overpowers everything I know I’m supposed to say and do. I don’t want to be the pastor that my congregation can’t trust. I don’t want to be the one they whisper about and call a hypocrite. She’s a problem for me.”
“What is it about her that you can’t turn down? And don’t tell me it’s her looks because you’ve had your share and your pick of beautiful women. What’s bringing her to your doorstep?” the man asked.
“Her grief,” Nyair said instantly. “She’s needy. She makes me feel…”
“Like you have the power to fix it,” the man finished for him. “Fix her. What is she grieving?”
“The loss of her son,” Nyair said.
“She’s made you her God, son. You can’t become a false idol,” the man warned. “There is sin in that for the worshiper and the worshipped, and if you’re leading in lust, how can you steer her clearly.”
“I don’t know. What if it has the potential to be more than lust?” Nyair asked.
“An addict can’t have a little bit of what they crave.
Nyair heard no lies. A little bit of Lauren was worse than none. He wanted her all the time. Sitting in this very chair his thoughts were consumed with thoughts of their rendezvous. The way she called his name. The smell of her pussy when he put his face in it. The taste of her clit. The way her nipples pebbled at the slightest touch. Even the salt of her tears. Nyair couldn’t pray that pussy away. He had tried. He wanted more and more. It was never enough.
“How do you manage your position in the church with your urges as a man without defying God?” Nyair asked.
“You make a saved woman your wife. Your rib stabilizes you, son. Laying with your wife is not a sin. It’s a privilege. It’s a gift and a duty. Bedding vulnerable women because they are desperate for healing is…”
“It’s not like that,” Nyair said. “I’m not taking advantage of her.”
“Are you sure?” the pastor asked.
