Nyair wanted to say that he was, but the more questions Pastor Cullian asked, the more guilty he felt. He didn’t know if he was putting Lauren in a position to be a victim. Was he preying on her? It didn’t feel that way, but if it looked that way, maybe he was judging it from the wrong lens.
“I’m not sure of anything,” Nyair admitted.
“I would advise you to get in your Bible, son, and stay out of you know what, so you can gain some clarity and hear God clearly.”
“And what if I pull back, and it hurts her? How is that right?” Nyair asked. “Leaving a grieving mother without help.”
“The kind of help you’re offering ain’t from God, son. Ain’t nothing spiritual about that. You’re operating out of the flesh.”
Nyair left the office with more questions than answers.
Wanting a woman that he couldn’t have wasn’t a good feeling. He had to ask himself what was driving him. A big part wasa sexual desire that Lauren had reignited, but the part that watched her sleep after putting her down in bed told him that it was something deeper. The limitations that came with his lifestyle prevented him from so many things. At most times in his life, it felt like his sacrifice was worth it, but where Lauren was concerned, it left him conflicted. He needed to have a heart-to-heart with her to get her to understand that they had taken things too far, and he would have to figure out how to let her go without letting her drown.
Chapter 17
Stassi walked into the firehouse carrying a platter of cold-cut sandwiches, and as soon as the guys inside saw her, they began to whistle and cheer. She blushed as they rushed around her.
“Gray got him a good one!” one of the men yelled as he came flying down the fire pole in the middle of the station. “If he messes up, please give me a call.” The man snagged a sandwich from the platter as Grayson walked out of one of the offices.
“I ain’t messing up. Don’t worry about that,” he said.
She smiled as he approached, wearing jeans and a t-shirt with the firehouse logo, and steel-toed work boots. She loved his masculinity and his simplicity.
He removed the platter from her hands and handed it off to one of the men before hoisting her up over his shoulder. She yelped in surprise and laughed as he carried her out of sight as his men cheered boisterously behind his back.
When they were behind the privacy of his office door, he put her down and crossed his arms, staring down at her.
“So, this is my way of apologizing for our date being interrupted,” she said.
He nodded. “I didn’t require an apology,” he replied.
“I mean, you also haven’t called me,” Stassi said.
“That wasn’t punishment. I’ve been on shift,” he replied.
“And you haven’t thought about me once?” she asked. “Food must not have hit if I ain’t been a thought at all.”
“The food was great. You wet my palette for something else, though,” he mentioned slyly.
Stassi was so embarrassed that she couldn’t meet his eye contact. She turned her head to the side and folded her lips to stop herself from grinning.
“You are a bit mannish, Mr. Firefighter,” she said teasingly.
“I can be,” he admitted.
More blushing. He still stood his ground, keeping his distance, arms still folded. His defenses were up. She could tell. He may not have been mad about their date, but he wasn’t pleased about it either. His body language spoke volumes. He was going to make her work for this.
“So, you let a girl cook for you, and then you don’t call. What am I supposed to think?” she asked.
“When I’m on shift, I check out. That’s something you should know if this is going to be a thing. I can’t be distracted. I can’t think about anything except for what I’m facing in front of me. That’s how you keep the fear at bay, the selfishness. You can’t think about the people you hope to see again when you’re running into a burning building,” he said.
“That sounds terrifying. The way you describe it. You almost have to turn off your emotions to do your job. Sitting at home waiting on a phone call from you from now on is going to be torture,” she said.
He unfolded his arms.
That’s progress,she thought.
“You’re beautiful,” he complimented.
